Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

😂

I think we all make it up as we go along.

Sounds like the OP thought it was exclusive - just a bit odd all round. I still think he should have just texted her or phoned her and said I don't want this to carry on.

Yes she was

Yeah, that was stupid. Even if you were exclusive, who knows where he's been before that?
You need an STI test either way.

I only know a couple of girls who fall into the former category, but plenty of guys who fall into the latter one.

Just my personal experience...

We were.

Fully expect to get flamed for it on here but there you go. We did at first. Then on one occasion after a couple of months I had run out, so we didn't. And then we always didn't.

Pregnancy risk is minimal due to other contraception that I am on. I judged STI risk to be low because I know who he is and we have had texts / pillow talk about each others sex lives aside from one another (neither of us have such sex lives!). A judgement call. Maybe it was the wrong one. We shall see. But I doubt it.

I know everyone will say 'How can you possibly know?' and some will say 'He was shagging you casually so he was doubtless shagging every woman in town' but I disagree with that second remark and made a judgement call on the first. I am capable of managing my own sexual health. So ease off the tellings off.

It's his entire sexual history that puts you at risk - not just whether he was shagging everyone in town. A friend of mine caught chlymidia from an ex boyfriend - fortunately she got tested as she started to feel unwell - often there's no symptoms.

If you put a thread like this out online you are going to get posts you don't agree with - it's concern from a few posters.

You said you both took STI tests when you decided to stop ditching condoms - unfortunately some STIs can be dormant for years.

I personally don't subscribe to the theory that all women get attached when they have sex and men would pretty much sleep with anyone. I think that's doing both sexes a disservice.

It really isn't complicated, @borkenboxes. If you meet a wanker, you meet a wanker, regardless of the 'conditions'. If you make a wanker your FWB, that's temporarily unfortunate, but of negligible importance. If you marry and have children with him, you are thoroughly enmeshed with said wanker. Marriage does nothing to protect you from the consequences.

But did they get tested though? OP says they ran out of condoms on one occasion, so agreed to drop them. If they did indeed get tested, it sounds like it happened after they had unprotected sex.

Well it was my house, my bed, my bedside drawer. And I suspect that if I said we used his I'd have had 50% of replies saying I'd betrayed feminine ideals for having sex for pleasure in the first place, 30% saying I'd betrayed the sisterhood for relying on a man for condoms, 18% saying he probably pierced them with a needle beforehand just to give me AIDS on purpose, and 2% saying fair enough.

Your argument is absurd. A master class in ideology over reality.

Of course people's behaviour and beliefs are formed by the situations and circumstances they are put in. Any sociologist, psychologist or person whose just lived life as a thinking person will tell you that.

You can set your bar high and demand respect and you'll select for someone who treats you with respect, quickly weeding out those who do not.

If, on the other hand, you create a situation where you say there are no standards for how to treat me as I am just a body for your use and yours for mine, then you create a situation where one year down the line you are treated as nothing more than a body to be ejaculated into.

You have selected for wankers who treat you like shit. You may well be lucky and get a good guy, but you've had no filter to distinguish the good from bad, so you are more likely to get the guys who are happy to only regard you as a hole than the women who create conditions to select for the good guys.

Its really not complicated. Saying 'I am only a body for your pleasure' doesn't eliminate from your pool the guys who only see you as a body for their pleasure.

It really is surprising the number of really obvious things that need to be explained to you.

50% of replies saying I'd betrayed feminine ideals for having sex for pleasure in the first place

lol. I've been on MN about 15 years and I have NEVER seen anyone saying women should not have sex for pleasure. Quite the opposite.

Excuse me but You're not dealing with a "body for your pleasure" (that sounds like necrophilia sorry), you're dealing with a person, another human being just like you with wants, needs, children and a mortgage, someone who (like you) doesn't want to get enmeshed in a serious relationship for x and y reasons. So unless you work in a funeral home please don't call people "bodies" , it sounds quite sinister.

I think that’s grotesque. He literally dumped you while his spunk was still warm inside you 🤮🤮🤮

That's my pot of Greek Yogurt put back in the fridge for tomorrow...

Yep. The thread has gone off in all kinds of directions but this was basically my reason for starting it!

😂😂😂

Well at least you got clarification that he's not a very nice person.