Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

nonsense!

@Swimon19 there is still a feeling that shouts to me play with fire & expect to be burned

I think this is a good place to point out where people are seeing this differently. I would say that by choosing a FWB and having just the one regular person, I see OP as a bit less playing with fire and a bit more attending a well run council firework display, with the St John’s Ambulance and the Fire Brigade in attendance, and a rogue firework shoots in the wrong direction. And OP is now saying ‘what the fuck? This is an organised display and has been happening for over 30 years, why are there rogue fireworks?’ As she is entitled to do so.

That’s it isn’t it - he’s given her his version of no strings. Like a previous poster said - it’s similar to a man telling his escort - I won’t be calling again.

It’s all transactional.

Hahaha thank you, this made me laugh!

You enjoyed sex together, within a FWB arrangement.

Without that FWB arrangement, you didn't want sex.

Not surprised you feel shocked. Your consent was based on clear agreed criteria. He had mentally moved outside of that criteria, pre-sex.

I'm really sorry this has happened and hope you can talk to a friend/anyone ASAP.

I agree that he is seeing/dating someone else and wanted one last shag, the same thing happened to me, though he was more explicit about having met someone and wanting "one last" meeting (i declined)

he ended it seconds after they finished up

had it been mind blowing or even fantastic - I very much doubt he’d had wrapped it up so quickly!

She wasn’t exploited, she wanted this.

I do think though you’re right on men being more comfortable with it in general than women.

this was he went to her house, had sex, end of. It wasn’t friendship, love, even affection, it was purely a physical act. Which is why he could tell her thanks no thanks again though so easily and coldly, she wanted more respect. More warning, to be treated like something important was ending, thay she was important. And he bluntly made it clear that wasn’t the case. It was just sex and he didn’t want to do it again, And that’s always going to hurt.

A very interesting analogy which makes the concept easier to understand.

I've always wondered why there are women, admittedly like me, who can only participate in sex within a committed relationship involving mutual love. This especially when its nothing to do with religious belief, morals or judgement. I feel within my marriage I have all I need & more so I've no frustrations in that respect. I was always the same though,even before marriage. I could never have a FWB. I know I would fall in love,miss him when he was away & I'd be forever yearning for an exclusive 1to1 relationship 😂

That's not convenient. That costs money.

Why pay for sex when you can have no strings sex for free?

You'd have got very different responses on the sex board @Sleepingbaggage We're more normal over there. We'd have all agreed with you about his shitty timing in ending your arrangement.

The OP never said the sex was mind blowing. From what we (I) understand it was just a regular shag. Maybe he found someone who suited him better. That doesn't alter the fact that he was graceless, and that's the whole point of her thread

This guy is dreadful. It would be exactly the same feeling of being shocked and blindsided as someone sneaking out in the morning after a one-night stand, ghosting on a relationship or the moment someone is aware they are being catfished. Totally out of the blue. This is an awkward situation too because the guy is a dad at the school. Who knows if his next arrangement will be with another mum or some mutually connected friends or something. The whole thing is just yuck on his side. He could have not slept with OP this last time, knowing he was breaking the arrangement. I haven’t had such an arrangement myself but I think it is not outrageous to expect some social niceties. OP is a human being after all with feelings and deserves a heads up in a respectful manner, if something personal like a FWB arrangement is coming to an end.

I think you’re getting a really tough time with a lot of these responses because women don’t like the idea of another female being so comfortable having a purely sexual arrangement with a man. I think you have startled a lot of prudes OP!

After a year long sexual fling, you deserved more than a ‘So long!’ as he wiped his willy and did his flies up.

He should have told you his feelings before the bunk up.

I’ve got no idea why other posters are trying to imply you’ve fallen madly in love him or were being used by him. Clearly, you had a mutually beneficial arrangement and although you were not in a relationship, after a year of sexual contact he could have been more gentlemanly in his handling of ending things, to say the least.

Weirder still that you would still have to see him at pick up.

I must admit, I’ve have been tempted when you saw him after, to yell out ‘You left your Y fronts at mine! They were a bit grotty so I’ve bagged them up and hung them on your front door!’

I do like to make people feel
mildly uncomfortable for a little while if they wrong me 🫢

Of course exclusivity can exist in FWB & even in FB if that's what you happily agree.

its no more likely to be not stuck to than in a different kind of relationship. Different things to lose.

Yeah. That appears to be beyond some pearl clutchers understanding.

Rubbish.

Men can be respectful/disrespectful in ANY kind of relationship/arrangement.

it says more about the women
posting these kinds of messages than anything else.

Because men are never absolute arseholes in other relationships are they.

a ring guarantees much better behaviour.

🤣🤣🤣

Where is it your laws that you can revoke consent after a consensual sex act? Consent is not retroactive, it's before and during the act.

OP has competency. She agreed to meet for sex and had consensual sex. There were no threats or payment or coercion.

There is no revoking after the act. She had consensual sex. She's upset he said he's no longer going to see her but that does not take away that she freely consented to have sex with him. That was her whole point of seeing him, to have sex with him.

Why on earth do you hope that?

it's not your place to 'hope' for something on behalf of someone, let alone someone who doesn't want that themselves.

I don't believe any of the women saying that you shouldn't have expected better treatment would do the same, or wouldn't be - at best - miffed if it was done to them. You'd probably be ok if it was, say, now, and he text you - but I think you're right, he probably thought he was being thoughtful doing it in person!

Reminds me a bit of the episode of Sex and the City where Miranda is broken up with while he's still inside her
Sorry!

No it's not. You're wrong & rude.

You wanted a "fuck me until you get bored of me or I get bored of you agreement" - and you got it. He did not value you at all and showed this. Maybe he genuinely thought you didn't give a fuck (so to speak) since you agreed to be a fuck buddy. Oh well, you live and learn.

It's no wonder some people gave few genuine friends.

you're wrong ! Very rude lol

Because the woman in a FWB situation is an equal. She getting the same out of the arrangement.

we are FRIENDS who have sex. He's not paying to use my body.

Get your ketchup bottle out.