Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

Yes, that's what they think.

Some people don't comprehend that other women are capable of separating love and sex.

Self disrespect?
What are you badgering in about. You do realise women can't want sex purely just to want sex? It's not dirty... its not self disrespecting? It can be very liberating in fact!

Er, I think it would kill the mood a bit surely.
Especially as, by her reaction, OP was more emotionally invested in this than she realised. And therein lies the issue with the whole ‘FWB’ fallacy. Men and women are wired differently - I’m sorry, but after a year of sex with the same person, most women would feel more deeply connected to that person than maybe they consciously realise. A year is a fair amount of time - when does it go from being FWB to seeing each other? I’m sorry but I fail to see with FWB how the sex can even be that good / worth the inevitable complications if both parties feel so ambivalently about each other.

It's amazing how sex-negative some people seem to be in 2026.

Good lord this is an eye opening thread.

Let’s imagine OP and her (ex)FWB have an arrangement to visit coffee shops together. They both love coffee and the bits that go along with it eg cakes. They have been visiting shops for a year, it’s been great. After coffee they finish their cake or biscuits or whatever extra they had, and they sit and chat, maybe rate the cafe. But this time he finished his coffee, got up, put his coat on and said ‘right, I’m off. I’ll be visiting cafes with someone else from now on.’ OP then is sitting there with her half drunk coffee and most of the cake, no companion and no book to read. And she’s a bit miffed. And now she doesn’t know who to visit cafes with, it’s a bit of a faff to find someone new. She could go by herself but she thinks it’s nicer with company. And she thinks he should have stayed until the coffee and cake was finished and the visit came to its natural conclusion.

Does that sound more palatable for those who disapprove of Women Who Like Sex?

He absolutely enjoyed himself. I am sure of that.

Hey op it was shitty behaviour your right about that and the fact he couldn’t look at you is guilt he’s with someone but he could have been man enough to look at you and say hi hope we’re ok then you could said yeh great just need to find another fwb you got any mates that might be interested then laughed in his face.

I’m guessing you also use phrases like “body positive”?

No, the Op is upset because he broke off with her in an uncivil way.

Why do you equate having sex with someone to being an act of self-disrespect??

That’s the oddest thing I’ve ever heard.

Do you not enjoy sex?

Are you religious and therefore think sex should be avoided until after marriage?

My monies on he will want to meet up again when he realises what a good thing he’s given up.

Are you 12?
What a ridiculous comment.

"Curiouser and curiouser" said Alice ...

I'm sorry OP, but some people just don't get separating sex and feelings - and no, it doesn't mean they hate sex or aren't body positive or are repressed or any of these slurs.

It just means that it is hard to understand how you separate out the feelings but then fling them back in for certain aspects.

I kind of get that the timing might have meant he hadn't enjoyed it, which was a bit of a snub, but you seem adamant it wasn't that so, no, I don't get what you are angry about.

This is Mumsnet where it couldn't possibly be true that a grown woman would want to have sex for fun and enjoyment! Surely sex is for reproduction purposes only!!?? 🙄🙄 christ these replies have been frustrating to read!!! You are perfectly within your rights to feel annoyed that a man who you enjoyed having carefree sex with ended the carefree sex arrangement whilst his erection was still subsiding and you were lying naked beside. It doesn't mean you were falling in love with him, it doesn't mean you should just use male prostitutes going forward (what the actual fuck is wrong with people!!!!). He's a prick and I suspect he will come crawling back at some stage for "one last shag" and I would have a damn good witty one line reply to decline his offer ready for when that happens!

You are giving him way more head space than he deserves

No he won't. He's made it clear that that's done

Do you think he might be getting feelings and had to do it like that because he didn’t want to show them ? Hope you’re okay . Very disrespectful and probably disappointing too

Get an STI test if you've not been using condoms. He sounds like the kind of arsehole who'd have more than 1 person on the go.

Anyone else thinking ‘I must get myself an FWB’ right now?!

I had two in the past. Not at the same time though. They were both exclusive, so an STI test in the beginning then we were good to go.

*adds ‘get FWB’ to shopping list

Brilliant.

Well, maybe she would have taken it better, since there would have been some time later, as opposed to 30 seconds later during the afterglow. It's a question of timing.

Why are there posters who advocate for FWB,saying they're only in it for the sex & not a relationship,averse to using male prostitutes. Surely hiring a male for sex woud be less hassle with definitely no chance of either party having feelings involved. It's 2026 & according to many of the views enjoying sex for fun with no strings attached is the most natural & healthy attitude. Surely the most convenient way would be to hire someone.At least when the man or woman walks out after the act its to be absolutely expected They've both satisfied their urges & nobody feels disrespected or hurt.

Why are you obsessed with prostitution?

The OP never said he was a keeper. What she's complaining about it the timing and style of his brush off. Even if they're just FWB, civility is always welcome.

lol!