Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

You don’t need to justify your arrangement here - you are totally in the right to take umbrage. Effectively he denied you the opportunity to withdraw consent. He obtained sex under false pretences. Am fairly sure that is technically a crime these days (not that I’d call the police in this instance - but I would totally call him out on his despicable behaviour).

Who has said that there's anything wrong with it?
All some have done is pointed out the absurdity of expecting a man who is treating you like a convenient piece of meat to give a shit about your feelings.
Believe me, if they genuinely viewed you as a friend they wouldn't have sex with you.
They wouldn't want to muddy the waters.

We are all assuming that he went to this sex meet up knowing he was going to finish it after they’d had sex.

Is it not possible he realised that he had the ick as a result of the last shag and just thought wise to finish it rather than arrange another meet up? Or that he was no longer enjoying the sex and didn’t want to lie to the op if she was talking about another meet up? Or maybe he did plan to wait but then just blurted it out because knew that if he didn’t there and then… it might limp on?

The OP can have guilt free fun sex if she so chooses.

Of course a fuckbuddy isn’t going to be like a friend, but they can still have basic manners.

I can’t believe people are defending his behaviour.

Ah yes, that's much less humiliating - OP will be glad you pointed out that possibility 🤣🤣

Stop talking sense.

But perhaps he went to the game not entirely convinced it was working for
him anymore but thought he’d give it one more shot and then decide.

And that game proved to be the final nail in the coffin… he didn’t want to play again

I didn’t say it was less humiliating!

but it’s certainly possible / probable!!

Any opportunity to make women feel bad about having uncommitted sex, innit.

There's a joke in there involving tennis & the equipment but I better not go there 😂

Why not?

That's why she met up with him.

It was about sex. That's it. He's decided that he was done. He might have decided before, or just then. We don't know nor does OP.

What if instead of telling her it’s over and immediately leaving, he ghosted her? Just never bothered to talk to her again. Would that also be sex without consent, i.e rape? It’s exactly the same situation, most people don't want to have sex with a twat male who ghosts them, but it’s not rape.

You had no strings sex, he ended it in a disrespectful way. I don’t think we should water down issues like consent.

His defence could be that he decided not to see op midway through the sex and it wasn’t pre-planned. He just wasn’t into it and told her it wouldn’t be happening again.

I have an active legal investigation going on about being lied to beforehand, so I’m not defending men here.

In principle, the ghosting, yes. But you’d never prove it in court.

Dumping her whilst still pulling his pants up would be harder to dispute, though, surely? Not that I am advocating police action (still unprovable in court), just that she should absolutely feel righteous in her indignation. He’s a shit and I do feel he denied her the opportunity to withdraw consent. If it wasn’t a school run dad I’d absolutely make sure everyone knew, too, but women are clearly still just for FWB arrangements whilst men are given a slap on the back. She needs to chalk this one up to experience (after a salty text) and protect herself going forward.

There’s some weird people on this thread. I’d be hacked off too, for exactly the same reason, he could have told you before he shagged you. Or he could have texted a few days later. To do it whilst he’s getting dressed is disgusting and i’d be telling him that too. People on here just like to argue black is white.

This is not rape. She wasn't forced into sex

Yes I don't understand this either. Why wasn't it a bonus "benefit."

I can see it would have felt better to have waited because I suppose it sounded like a criticism of the sex. But if he'd told her beforehand, why not one last benefit? I mean I help myself to another chocolate if I know the box is about to be put in the cupboard by the host.

If it's transactional sex, surely it's just that.

I totally get your point it's just common courtesy and if you'd done it to him he'd probably feel the same, he'd just never let you know. If I was you I'd move on and say nothing more and even though you really like the sex with him, don't ever go back so he can disrespect you like that again. Strings or no strings.x

Exactly!

I can’t believe how many posters are admitting that they’re ok with not being granted a basic level of respect.

To me it just seems he had been having doubts, then he had this shag, which confirmed he really wasn’t enjoying the “benefits” any more; couldn’t face any chat about doing it again, and just blurted out “it’s over”!

What the f are you talking about?! To be a fwb in the first place to a man is an act of self-disrespect in itself!

He's not a friend, he's an user. If he were a friend, he wouldn't muddy the waters with sex.

OK with basic lack of respect. Lol. I wouldn't be in this position in the first place. Also, vibes are only a tenner in Sainsbos.

Sorry OP but agree with this poster. You might not feel it, but objectively he’s done just that. Not right. Being used, discarded and devalued - not worth it.

Most of them are not, I don't think, actually admitting that at all.

They are expressing a lack of understanding about how FWB actually works because, from an outsider's viewpoint, it seems within the spirit of not caring about anything more than the sex.

Genuinely confused. Do you think he was using me more than I was using him?

Some people are really not getting this and I feel your frustration OP!

Yes, either party could end it any time, but it’s a pretty arsehole move to have sex with somebody and before you’ve even gotten dressed say it’s over and that was the last time. Like if you’ve made up your mind, that’s fine, but say it beforehand so the person can then decide if they want a last hurrah or not. It’s basic human decency.

I would message him OP he clearly needs the feedback!

Was the final shag a bit crap? It can’t have been great (for him at least)