Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

I think this is very likely the case. What an absolute spunk trumpet! 💦🎺 He probably expects you to be distraught..laugh and wave 👋 when you see him. It will probably do his head in !

Hope that is the case because saying ‘he clearly met someone he cares about’ is very misleading. It’s like saying ah yeah it’s ok to meet someone you care about but it’s also ok to go and have a quick shag behind their back! I need to believe not all decent men would do this!

I'm sorry OP, I can see how it would have stung.

But isn't the whole point of FWB that neither of you get caught up in feelings or commitment? It's not my bag, so I'm not clued up, but I would have thought "them's the breaks" with FWB isn't it?

Or are there rules about no rules, as it were? As I say, I'm not up with the etiquette, but from the outside, I'd have thought that was within the rules?

I wish my ex had told me ...

So you met for sex regularly, met again for sex, had sex, them he said this shoild be last time.

Nothing about that is being dumped, there was no relationship to dump you from. You just won't meet for sex again.

He was your fuck buddy. He owed you nothing but sex. That's what no strings sex is.

You stopped using protection because you took him at his word. That's a bad idea. You have to take responsibility for protecting yourself, especially when it's only a sexual relationship. Use protection always and get regular STI testing when you're in a non committed relationship.

I'm sorry he ended it so abruptly and coldly and you have nothing to feel bad about other than the lack of protection.

Thanks again for all the replies. I do find it odd that people don't understand how the following can all be true at the same time:

1. I don't have romantic feelings for him.
2. I am sad that regular good sex isn't going to be happening for a while, because it feels nice and I will miss it.
3. I am annoyed that I learned about 2) by him telling me immediately after we'd finished having sex, when he was still in my bedroom and I was still in bed.

I am laughing at the prostitute stuff. Crikey there are some repressed people in the world. It's not like he chucked £100 at me and humped. We both wanted to use each other for the same thing, and did.

Anyway he was there at pick up. He didn't make eye contact and neither did I. I was chatting to a couple of mum friends (not about this!), and nothing was said.

@Vigorouslysnuggled that's absolute BS, we're not in the dark ages! My fwb married me! He definitely has respect!

This bloke OP is just an absolute asshole! Hope you're ok

It’s shitty and rude but it’s better than being ghosted .. which seems to be what happens in a lot of cases nowadays

How awful. To be having sex with someone one minute then to be treated like a stranger the next. Its a different world.

Try finding a man who loves you OP. You never know you might just like it & as a bonus get regular meaningful sex. FWIW this doesnt equate to being sexually repressed & often its the opposite. Anyway its been an interesting thread & I wish you all the best going forward.

You had a casual sexual relationship. You and he were free to end that at any time, which he did.

You're upset because he had sex with you.

That was the whole point of your meetups. You got what you wanted and so did he. A no strings relationship means you owe each other nothing.

It sounds like a no strings sexual relationship might not be a good fit for you.

A dad from your kid’s school? Sensible, classy.

It's not like he chucked £100 at me and humped.

surely would have been better than this?

You clearly have some feelings for him or you wouldn't have spent the last year sleeping with him

Exactly this.

OP claiming that they just used each other for sex, doesn’t really fit with being upset he shagged her and then told her that would be the last time.

There is no need to be upset at being told at that time, if they just use each other for a shag and go.

I think OP wants to think of herself as someone who can handle this set up, but that self image is hitting up against how it really makes her feel when that plays out.

Yep. He was free to end it at any time. But choosing that specific time is a bit low, is my point.

The feelings were 'I fancy him. I like having sex. I want to have sex with him.' Nothing more.

Those are still feelings

Whether he sugar coats it or not, the outcome is the same.

I'd not lose any sleep over it. Put it down to different strokes for different folks.

Some people are transactional and comfortable with that. Literally, next?

Others are more relational.

The hurt appears when someone makes an assumption anyone deserves anything in a transactional relationship. If it's just sex, that's all you were entitled to I guess?

Feelings aren't considered?

It's not something I could do. I'm too relational. It sounds like you're mostly transactional but he was just a little bit more transactional than you and you didn't like that.

You could still be friends - but without the benefits?

Jesus Christ. I don't care massively that he told me it was the last time (except insofar as I will miss the sex). I do care that he told me it was the last time whilst his erection was still subsiding. It was the moment he picked, not the choice he made.

Yeah it is low. But some people are twats and it's better you find out now rather than later. I'm not dismissing your feelings. As I said earlier I had a bf who I was very much in love with who dumped me three days after we had sex. I would rather not have had the sex knowing that he knew he was going to end it. But that's on him. He's a dick and I don't treat people like that

It is just rude. Casual hook ups should still be polite.

No strings sex isn't an excuse to treat someone without basic manners. And generally you don't deliver bad news when the other party is naked and vulnerable.

Well yes. But by 'feelings' people mean 'romantic feelings', of which there were none. Obviously I had some other feelings! I am not a robot. Feelings including 'I hope he doesn't drop dead coming up the stairs' and 'I hope he hasn't got a Farage tattoo on his bum since I saw him last'.

Well he is a charmer. Your well rid.

Least he was only a fwb.