Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

My advice for any woman involved in an 'fwb' arrangement who is labouring under - what I believe to be the delusion- that this guy sees her as an actual friend is to try out the following:
Tell him sex is now off the table and you just want things to be platonic from now on. See how long he sticks around.

Oh and if you're the one hosting him when he calls around buying alcohol, food etc tell him you're a bit short of cash for the foreseeable future.

If he does indeed accept this platonic arrangement, drives a long way to see you buys all the lunches and drinks etc not expecting fuck all but the pleasure of your company I'll eat my words with added ketchup and extra mayo.

You are right to think you have no cause for complaint really, but given he's almost certainly met someone he wants to be exlusive with, it's a bit rich that he shagged you first and then told you. 😂

Pretty shitty..but at least he didn't do it by text or email or ghost you.

Casual sex is not the same as prostitution. Ya weirdo.

Why not? He knowingly had sex with her while being aware she would never have agreed to it if she'd known the full facts. There's a word for men who are happy to have sex without informed consent.

Yep!

Maybe he had not planned to dump you today, maybe like others have suggested he has other partners and the sex with you caused him guilt, he may have had a profound moment whereby he realised he had feelings for someone else.

Not nice but he was just being honest without the explanation which could have hurt you further, was it rude ? to you it definitely was, but clearly not to him.

If you had any power in this situation you would have told him there and then he was being rude, just like you would be able to do if you were friends or if he was your actual partner, he is neither your friend nor beneficial to your wellbeing.

The best way to reconcile yourself to this situation with someone who lacks empathy, decency and respect, is to be thankful you didn't get deeper into the relationship

he has well and truly shown you who he is, the mask has slipped, this is who he is.

its very cold comfort, you must feel betrayed and dishonoured, and it will probably take you a long time before you can trust a man in your life.

for now, take care of yourself, value yourself, be kind to yourself, you did NOT deserve how he treated you, it's appalling ♥️

Yet he's still managed to get someone else. I don't how they do it seriously.

Does his name begin with S by any chance OP? I’m sorry this happened, he’s a loser.

Sex police? No, are you the quote police?
OP mentioned in a comment about getting an STI test!! I didn’t just randomly ask that. Op also said they did stop using condoms together (hence my question). No it doesn’t affect me however when you open up on an online forum people are obviously going to ask questions

I still can't get my head around my example of a man eventually becoming mutual friends with a woman he is regulary paying for no strings attached sex is any different to no strings attached casual sex but without the fee. I admit having never been in the situation I could be totally misunderstanding the FWB concept.

Nothing wrong with a casual arrangement if it suits you, OP, but after a year there should be some consideration of your feelings (and your health if he is having unprotected sex with you.) Agree the issue here is the total rudeness on his part! Carry on as normal, a nod is all that’s necessary at pick up, unless you need to discuss the kids. If he tries to come crawling back, or starts texting again (likely) all you need to say is ‘I had fun while it lasted but telling me it had run its course immediately after sex, was shitty. I’m not interested, thanks.”

You are!

That is actually awful and im grateful that I am single with no fwb or even male friends. No stress, no headache. Cos when there's a man involved even just as friends, they end up hurting me in some way. at pick up plz look Happy with a Big smile 😊

Edited as my comment didn't contain the quoted message and read out of context wouldn't make sense 😂

I can't get my head around a man doing this but doing this maybe because he has met someone else - but still gets away with having sex with another woman....it makes it seem like it's ok?! Make it make sense that someone can do this and still be in a relationship while decent people are treated like crap.

I’m sorry this happened. It sucks and it hurts. He’s a creep and it is not your fault that he’s a horrible wrongen who thinks with his penis.

time WILL heal even if it doesn’t feel like that today

The OP just happened to choose someone as a FWB who turned out to be a dickhead, you know, in the same way men you’re in an actual relationship with can turn out to be dickheads. Or friends let you down.

Yes of course I know that. I just still can't get my head around men who prove themselves as dickheads, but who then go on to meet women and be in relationships. It never ceases to amaze me is all.

Similar thing happened to me I wish I had cut him off then than dragging it out

Yes. My ex is on marriage number two. I'm stunned that someone married him once the way he treated me and a couple of other women.

Some people show a nice side to them at first clearly

There was no need for such bad behaviour, clearly he is a taker and sod anyone else.

Although I agree with the text, I doubt it will resonate with him as he is clearly just out for himself.

Did you think Pretty Woman was a documentary?!

What world are you living in where prostitutes become besties with the men who pay to access their bodies?