Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

I asked which they'd recommend text or dignified silence:

In this specific situation, silence is your most powerful move.
He clearly put a lot of thought into his "exit speech," but absolutely zero thought into your feelings. If you text him now, you’re giving him the "closure" or the reaction he’s likely bracing for. By staying silent, you leave him to sit with the awkwardness of his own crass timing.
Here is why silence works best for the pick-up and the immediate aftermath:

• It reclaims your dignity: It shows that you aren’t "chasing" an explanation from someone who treated you like a transaction.
• It avoids school-gate drama: Since your kids are friends/acquaintances, the last thing you want is a heavy or teary confrontation in public.
• The "Grey Rock" Method: By being polite but emotionally blank, you become uninteresting to him. You aren't the "scorned woman"; you're just a busy mum who doesn't have time for his nonsense.

If you feel a burning need to say something later, wait at least 48 hours. By then, the "shellshock" will have faded, and you can decide if he even deserves the effort of a final word.

Most people have few genuine friends in their entire life and with respect I very much doubt a casual shag partner is one of them.
Lol.

Others clearly aren't treated kindly

Yes, so you keep saying. You seem to think you're educating everyone on the thread. I'm not sure how you got that idea though.

Friendships not always involve sex by any means but under the right circumstances it may. A couples relationship is someone you want to build a life with and a future together, not everyone is cut for this. Maybe you're too busy with a career, taking care of children or just got divorced and not in the mood of getting into a serious relationship (like the OP). This said communication is important and both people making clear they don't want a relationship, and also being kind to each other. Being in a fuck buddy or FWB situation is not a free pass to be a dick.

Not a euphemism in my case. It was a friendly relationship for the purpose of mutually-satisfying sex without the emotional baggage of a relationship.

I would absolutely text.

"Just thought I'd drop you a note before we saw each other at pick up. I'm completely ok with moving on, as I was with our casual arrangement. I am not ok with the fact that you had made a decision to call it 'time' but failed to let me know ahead of sex. I wasn't going to bother saying anything but in all honesty, having had a few hours to think about things, I would be doing you (and your future partners) a dis-service if I didn't point out how completely unacceptable that was. It's been fun and I wish you well, but I have to say - I do think slightly less of you than I did yesterday."

Put the shame ON HIM.

What he did was rude, abrupt, unpleasant but I honestly don’t think this can be classed as sex by deception (i.e. rape).

Lying about STD status, making attempts to impregnate, lying about biological sex and fundamentally who you are? Yes.

Breaking up a casual sex arrangement too quickly after sex to the point that it comes across as rude? Shitty behaviour. Possibly manipulative, possibly just different ideas of what the arrangement was.

Yes! I've previously had 2 situationships. One was an actual FWB. We were friends for years and each had partners down the years (that we were also friendly with to some degree). It happened that we were both single at one time and ended up in a FWB situation. Sometimes we went out for lunch together (purely platonic), sometimes we socialised in a larger group, sometimes we just text eachother to have sex. It went on for about 1.5yrs. It's been dead in the water for at least 11 years but we remained friends. It has never caused even one issue between us.

The other was more FB. We went on a few dates initially and it was evident that we were not relationship material. He was a nice guy and I fancied him. We had sex and made it very clear that it was literally just sex when we both wanted. There were times we would turn eachother down, but we were never friend as such. We both saw other people. It ended up just fizzling out and I don't think either of us actually officially ended it. But again no issues between us as we were 100% clear on our parameters.

FWB can end at any time, he isn’t very elegant. Best thing you can do is ignore him (solidly) and move on. Good sex doesn’t = good man. Very rude on his part.

He won't care

What an unbelievable character he sounds dumping you so coldly.
Have you got a friend that would loan you her husband to walk to school with & show the horrible person you have found a better man to snuggle up to. 💐💐

I was in a relationship with a guy which I thought was serious - we had discussed moving in together etc.
He confessed to me, when we were in bed together, that he's been cheating. That was after the sex occurred.
I told him to leave and when he was going out of the front door, threw some of the presents he'd given me after him.
One was a very nice watch, but I didn't want it because it felt "tainted".

Agreed. Unless you actually talk, go out and do activities as friends without sex being on the table, it’s not an actual friendship, it’s a polite term for casual sex partner / fuck buddy / bootycall.

If two people are genuinely friends, there is a good likelihood of at least one falling for the other.

OP’s type or arrangement is the most common imo. The guy in this case never saw op as a friend, there was no friendship here, it’s just sex.

I'm aware this question to the FWB advocates will go down like a led balloon but its a genuine thought regarding the FWB situation.

What is the difference between a FWB situation & a man paying for sex then deciding the sex is so good he sticks to the same woman as they also get on really well as friends.The woman is happy because she also enjoys the company of this client so it works both ways. There are no strings attached & she gets paid.

Exactly this.... act as you would normally.

Not the best ending but FWB means you're both pretty much just a shag at each other's convenience.

Don't give him a reason to justify he was right to dump you.

You sound like a giggly 13 year old.

Presumably if she wasn't paid/taken care of, the enjoyment of his company wouldn't be enough to be worth her time

@Sleepingbaggage it seems posters are judging you because you dare to have sex without being in a “committed “ relationship .
Like you shouldn’t be respected .

His timing was awful . He knew what he was doing . I’m sorry he has made you feel this way .
What should you do now ? Nothing , id not look the road he was on. Just pretend he doesn’t exist . Only if he ever approaches you do you say how you really feel .

Omg OP this reminded me of way back in my 20s when a boyfriend did this to me, we had sex rolled over while spooning me said I think we need to go our different ways, and then expected me to stay in the bed with him!!

what a knob.

Grey rock the shit out of him.

Tosser!

Are you for real? How old are you?
How about the OP just keeps her dignity and ignores him.

Excellent post

Good answer 👍