Drunk partner

[80sbabyxx]

My partner was out today on a work do. I collected him with the kids and he was extremely drunk.

on the drive home he was starting on me nothin knew there he always does when drunk so I didn't engage.

then when we go home he was crashing about the place and I told him to stop then he started shouting and our eldest told him to stop and he called him a spas*ic. I lost it and shouted at him really loudly he then jumped up grabbed me by the thought and punched the side of my face the kids seen this. He then was threatening me more and I told him to stop he then grabbed me and punched me three times on the head.

I grabbed my phone and rang his mum who told me to pass the phone to him which I did he then threw my phone and smashed it punched me again and kicked me.

I ran to the bedroom with the kids and locked us in I was actually so frightened. After an hour his parents arrived and he acted like he had no clue why they were there and he did nothing wrong and tbh I kind of got the feeling they believed him. He had a red mark on his face which he came home with but they were asking him questions about it's the dad spoke to me and asked me what happened the mum didn't.

eventually he left with the after calling me a fucking dickhead and that this was us over for good.

I didnt ring the police as I don't want ss to contact my kids schools. I am in so much shock. He is quite nasty and has hit me before but never with this much venom I thought tonight he might kill me.

how do I help my kids through this they are 6,7 and 12

I hope you find the courage to leave for good

And you need to get both your hand and neck examined by your GP. He’s assaulted you.

Police for sure, and lean on your own friends and family. This horrible man has to stay out of your lives.

I was in the same situation many many years ago. It’s terrifying and bewildering. He punched me repeatedly in the head. No marks but lumps. I didn’t report him to the police. I was in total shock. I really should have. I wouldn’t hesitate now. Sending love x

Your children and in laws can corroborate your statement. If you are worried about the police talking to the kids remember they have specially trained people for that. And if you don't they'll only remember the fear, not how to deal with it, how the law can protect you all and how dv should be dealt with.
Imagine it was your daughter going through this with her husband one day. And model the best behaviour and advice you'd give her.

I doubt the in laws will help, from this thread and OP’s last one. She needs to get away from them as well.
Her word alone is enough.

You know who else was in the police - Wayne Couzens and David Carrick. The man is a danger, not only to you and your children but others he comes into contact with in relation to his job. Another concern I would have is, because of his job he will probably think he is above the law. He’s likely to make this as difficult as possible for you because his ego will not be able to handle you standing up for yourself.

Add Andrew Goldsmith to this, awful

He grabbed you by the throat. This is a huge huge issue. This escalates, it's proven. The amount of times this is a precursor for murder is scary.

Listen to Crime Analyst, Laura Richards. She talks about this a lot, she is heavily involved in violence against women.

If you stay with him SS will see it as you prioritising your relationship with him over your kids safety which will be seen as emotional abuse, albeit inadvertently. Report it, leave this man and protect your kids.

He's awful and the fact he's a police officer makes it even worse. It's your duty to report him and protect future partners and any members of the public he comes into contact with in a position of power as he can't be trusted to abide by the law he's paid to enforce. Disgusting.

I hope you and your kids can get away from him.

Get it reported to the police.
Regardless of the fact that he’s in the police you seem more concerned that if he loses his job you will be effected financially are you being serious.
Next time because there will be a next time he could kill you
SS will likely get involved yes but to support you and the children think I would rather have SS involved than be subjected to DV because your scared you’ll lose money

@80sbabyxx it’s these sort of circumstances that end up with women killed. Somewhere down the line this man will hurt or kill another woman and the news will report that his ex has come forward to say he was violent towards her but she didn’t report it for whatever reason (fear usually).

The fact he is in the police is COMPLETELY terrifying for all women.

Obviously you’ll do what you want to do, but you need to think about the safety of yourself, your children and other women before thinking about finances.

I write this as a woman who grew up in a household with domestic abuse as a child that’s impacted me for the rest of my life. We let these men get away with it, no accountability, no consequences, and the cycle continues. So very sad.

Yes, and always photograph any injuries.

Wow. You must be an empath.

I work for CAMHS as a therapist. Domestic violence has long lasting effects on children’s nervous systems as it is extremely traumatic for them. Protect yourself and your children and don’t let this man back into your home. Call the police if he tries to come back. If you’re keeping your children safe by ending your relationship with this disgusting man social services won’t bother you. Good luck. I hope your ok xx

Call the police immediately.

I’ve been in this position before. Sadly by not reporting it you actually end up enabling them. What’s he like when he’s sober? My husband was like jekyl and Hyde on the booze. Physically and mentally abusive to me on the drink. Extremely apologetic the next. In the end I spoke to my sons school as I was worried about the affects it would have on my son being witness to the hatred towards me. They did a referral to SS and I agreed to it. I think they were going to do it whether I gave permission or not. Ultimately I knew the situation had to change. The abuse had to stop. I told my husband I couldn’t help him. He had to help himself. We were all interviewed by SS. They were really supportive. They don’t want to separate families. Ideally they want to keep you all together IF that can be done safely. I also started going to Al Anon. It’s a support group for family members of alcoholics. I went for 3 months. I probably should still go now but my husband stopped drinking. I will go as far as to say Al Anon changed my life and in turn all
of hours. Think I cried non stop for the first few weeks on session. I was amazed how many people go through similar situations. No one judges you. No one tells you what to do. I stayed with my husband. Not everyone does. Whether you stay with him or not he’ll always be part of your life as he’s the father of your kids. I would def recommend going to Al Anon. There are lots of support groups dotted around the country. I’m not religious and initially felt it was but it’s not. It’s about a ‘higher power’ and however you interpret that.

I told my husband while he was drinking he couldn’t be around us. I didn’t tell him to stop drinking. He wasn’t allowed in the house. Having the backing from SS really helped me reinforce this. Good luck to you x

Please go to the police today, mumsnet have shared this post on their Facebook page which means it can be seen by people who wouldn't normally see this post and it could get back to him. Please protect yourself and your children, you could die, I'm not being dramatic this is now it starts.

I saw your update and really hope you contacted the police today.
My DS was 2 when we got out. At 10 he still has support. SS will be informed as police have to tell them but as others have said, they will give you support and links to the agencies that can help you x

You have to think "what would I say to my best friend" or "what would I say to my daughter". It's so hard to give ourselves the respect, love and protection that we would offer someone else, but you need to. You know you'd tell them that their safety, and their kids safety, was the single, only, most important thing. You know you'd tell them to use every legal means possible to keep him away from them. Give yourself the same love and respect. Also think about what your kids are seeing, they need to know this isn't just "wrong" they need to see he is punished by the law, and that this can't happen again and that they're safe.
You have to get this sorted out properly, call the national domestic abuse hotline and the police. 08082000247 is a 24 7 support line for women and can help you with what to do next.

The most informed advice.

And James Riley, awful person.

It's you today and your kids tomorrow.

The boat has sailed with regards to your kids being on the safeguarding register, most likely they have started to show behaviours linked to their home life at school, and so they should because they desperately need support.

Your job now is to show protective behaviour towards them and leave your violent partner now.

Then he should know better.

Whatever happens to him you and the kids will be absolutely fine without him.