Drunk partner

[80sbabyxx]

My partner was out today on a work do. I collected him with the kids and he was extremely drunk.

on the drive home he was starting on me nothin knew there he always does when drunk so I didn't engage.

then when we go home he was crashing about the place and I told him to stop then he started shouting and our eldest told him to stop and he called him a spas*ic. I lost it and shouted at him really loudly he then jumped up grabbed me by the thought and punched the side of my face the kids seen this. He then was threatening me more and I told him to stop he then grabbed me and punched me three times on the head.

I grabbed my phone and rang his mum who told me to pass the phone to him which I did he then threw my phone and smashed it punched me again and kicked me.

I ran to the bedroom with the kids and locked us in I was actually so frightened. After an hour his parents arrived and he acted like he had no clue why they were there and he did nothing wrong and tbh I kind of got the feeling they believed him. He had a red mark on his face which he came home with but they were asking him questions about it's the dad spoke to me and asked me what happened the mum didn't.

eventually he left with the after calling me a fucking dickhead and that this was us over for good.

I didnt ring the police as I don't want ss to contact my kids schools. I am in so much shock. He is quite nasty and has hit me before but never with this much venom I thought tonight he might kill me.

how do I help my kids through this they are 6,7 and 12

Report to police. Social work are not your enemies. Later on, you may need evidence about this incident

Yes absolutely, OP and the children are all victims. I didn't say otherwise

Perpetrator is the partner, not OP

Even if you did good him. So what? It doesn't justify a beating!

Am sorry - but you are being completely and utterly foolish not to report this assault to the police. He should be arrested and your kids should be able to rely on the support that SS might be able to provide. They have just been witnesses to a crime, they are also victims of DV now. I hope one of them tells their school and removes the decision from your hands because both they and you need support.

Please reach out to Women’s Aid and make sure he cannot ever come home to your home.

I'm sorry but not reporting him because of his job and money is not going to end well for you. I say that as the friend of someone who was killed by their partner.
Report it, now. Save your life and your kids.
Get on to Women's Aid today.
Don't put it off, he will do it again, you know that. You can worry about finances once you're rid of him.

Report to Police protect yourself and your children, not him.

You have said in a previous thread about this utter bastard that your 12 year old daughter is not his. What will you do when she tells her father about him? You need to report him to the police - even if he is one himself.

Children are now recognised as ‘victims’ in their own right and deserving of support- even if they didn’t see anything- they just have to be in the house.
if any of your kids go into school and talk about what happened then the bigger concern is that you haven’t reported, or reached out to their school for support for them- as that means not only is their dad a risk, but you’re not actively safeguarding.
contact women’s aid, don’t let him back in the home, report it to log it, even if you don’t want to press charges. Request a Clare’s law to look at anything similar on his file. Contact your children’s school and ask for support for your children. Speak to your friends. Speak to a solicitor. Request a protective order from police to give you 30 days to make a decision safely and without having to worry. Speak to women’s aid- they can support you and your children. Do not be scared of children’s services- they are there to keep your kids safe. They can safety plan with you so you know what to do in future. Download the hollieguard app and link it to a trusted person. Silent solution is 999 then 55- they know it’s an emergency and can’t talk. If there’s already a report of domestic abuse on your file it will require a quicker response- which could save yours or your kids life. Don’t risk your life because you’re worried about as. It’s worth a bit of support and questions if it means your kids grow up with their mum. What would you say to your kids if this was them and not you? Show them it’s unacceptable. Lots of love x

He grabbed you by the throat, punched the side of your face, punched you 3 times in the head, grabbed you again (by the hair, arm?) punched you again, kicked you .. but left no marks?? Really, no marks??

Op I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. But it’s time to do the right thing and report him. The fact he’s a policeman fills me with dread that a violent abuser is out there supposedly upholding the law. It’s actually horrifying.

op you have to protect your dc. The best way to do this is to report him.

im a retired foster carer. I’ve had children in my care who have come from families like yours. From mums who didn’t report abuse, who kept taking violent men back (it’s obvious this isn’t the first time he’s hurt you) and the damage these children is just heartbreaking. They carry it with them into their own relationships as adults. But something else you need to keep in mind. If anything else happens and one if your dc gets hurt by him, then you can be charged with child cruelty/failure to protect.

I hope you are ok today x

I agree with everyone else phone the police. This man work in a position of trust- and he behaves like that to his wife and kids. Please stop him doing this to anyone else including his own children.

You need to safeguard you and your kids now - tell the school (the kids may do this anyway) and call the police - have this abusive, nasty piece of ship charged!

ugh call the police op!! your kids deserve better - they are your wittnesses

BUT also how can you leave someone like this potentially keep their job in the police - he's a likely candidate to abuse his position of power and beat some other woman up!

Please at least try and do something about it!

If you can't leave him for yourself, do it for your kids. Keep your babies safe from such a violent man, and you need to keep yourself safe too in order to be able to care and protect them. They cannot grow up thinking that behaviour is okay, or despite what you tell them they may become their father. Go to the police, go to charitys that helps is DA situations, there is help out there if you want it. Do not stay with him for fear of breaking up the family, you and the kids are better off out of there away from him.

Denial is a powerful force OP but it is not going to help you here. You cannot keep on taking him back and or turning a blind eye.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?. Think about the effects all this is having on your children as well as your own self. DO not put him front and centre.

Call the police and leave him. My mum has a friend who spent half her life with a drunk who beat her and I’ve never understood why, as she had a job and a supportive family. Do it for your kids - don’t let them be damaged by him. Do it for yourself - you deserve a life free from fear.

if you think the police would not believe you (probably also because of the lies he has spouted) then think again. You have injuries that would have certainly left marks.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none and in turn you are not some rehab centre for such a badly raised man.

You absolutely HAVE to report this. You have to start the paper trail today or he and potentially his colleagues will make your life a misery. I know the fear of the unknown (him potentially losing his job) is scary. But otherwise it will ramp up.

Go to a different force to make the complaint.

If he's in the police, its even more important to report. Violent abusive people shouldnt be in the role. No doubt he feels invicible because of it but you need to do the right thing. Finances terrified me when me and my abusive ex split but I got through it. Best thing I did for me and the children. It will take bravery but you can do this!

Like everyone has said. Police, charged with assault, SS to help kids. No delays.

You know you should call the police…💐

You have injuries that would have certainly left marks.
Not according to OP .. no marks 😵‍💫😵‍💫

Please call the police, I seriously believe you and your children are at risk. This needs to be formally reported, he needs to stay away from you and the children until proper safeguarding can be put in place for them. He has physically, verbally and mentally abused you and verbally abused your children.
At the moment would you be happy with him having the children unsupervised? If not then the only way is to get the abuse on record.
This will not get better, I am so sorry you and your children have had to go through this, it's horrific and you all need support. I really hope you reach out and let your family know. Sending hugs

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your kids OP. I've been there with an alcoholic ex always on the verge of violence when drunk and I moved across the country to get away from him.

You have said it's over and you don't want your children to see this. Please, please whatever happens you must stick to this. Essentially, this useless thug hates you on some level and this is how it comes out. It will never, ever change.

If your children do not get away from him this violence will imprint on them and they will repeat the patterns growing up and, unless they are remarkably lucky, they in turn will have dysfunctional relationships as adults. You will spend the rest of your life wishing you had prevented that.

Your daughters need to see that you, and by extension, they deserve better. Your sons need to see that a man does not treat a woman with aggression and violence.

You have something you can hold over him now, a violent attack that can be reported to the police with children as witnesses. You really should report it, but if you won't, then you should write your own 'witness statement' and show it to him. Tell him it is going straight to a police domestic violence unit and his own line management if he does not fall in line with your demands, financial and to never come near you or your children again while drunk and or aggressive.

Take this opportunity to break a horrible cycle that will otherwise blight your and more importantly your children's entire lives.

Like everyone else said you need to report this to the Police and to Social Services. It is most likely that the children will confide in a teacher/staff member at school and it will be seen as a safeguarding concern that you have taken no action.

Remember - in vino veritas. This is what he really thinks of you and this is what he is really like - no matter how lovely he is when he sobers up and realises you might go.

Please leave for the sake of your children. They should never be exposed to a “man” behaving like this. (Neither should you but that might not be enough of a reason for you to leave.)

Best of luck OP. Life is better than this.