Drunk partner

[80sbabyxx]

My partner was out today on a work do. I collected him with the kids and he was extremely drunk.

on the drive home he was starting on me nothin knew there he always does when drunk so I didn't engage.

then when we go home he was crashing about the place and I told him to stop then he started shouting and our eldest told him to stop and he called him a spas*ic. I lost it and shouted at him really loudly he then jumped up grabbed me by the thought and punched the side of my face the kids seen this. He then was threatening me more and I told him to stop he then grabbed me and punched me three times on the head.

I grabbed my phone and rang his mum who told me to pass the phone to him which I did he then threw my phone and smashed it punched me again and kicked me.

I ran to the bedroom with the kids and locked us in I was actually so frightened. After an hour his parents arrived and he acted like he had no clue why they were there and he did nothing wrong and tbh I kind of got the feeling they believed him. He had a red mark on his face which he came home with but they were asking him questions about it's the dad spoke to me and asked me what happened the mum didn't.

eventually he left with the after calling me a fucking dickhead and that this was us over for good.

I didnt ring the police as I don't want ss to contact my kids schools. I am in so much shock. He is quite nasty and has hit me before but never with this much venom I thought tonight he might kill me.

how do I help my kids through this they are 6,7 and 12

You have 3 child witnesses

All because he's in the police does not mean you can't report him. Please call the police, tell your family, change the locks for the sake of your children.

So you are willing to possibly go through this again just for the possibility you could lose financially?! OP come on. Think of what your children have witnessed here.

im sure they’d much rather have their mum than their Dads money.

He works for the police ?! Isn’t he supposed to be protecting victims not making them?

Call the police NOW and get it logged. Whose home is it? Ie is it joint mortgage or tenancy?

Even more reason to report this. He's in a position of trust, not just with you and the children but the wider public.
Am so sorry to read what has happened to you OP, and so sorry it's escalated so badly, you do need to get out of this before it escalates any further and I think it will. People like this don't stop unless made to.

Wish you every strength and safety going forward and take care.

The most important thing is keeping you and your children safe. You do need to report him to the police for your own safety and theirs. Your children witnessed his violence and need to know that he will be punished for this - or what are you teaching them? That it's ok for him to be violent towards you and nothing happens to him?

Please report this to the police OP. And you can call Women's Aid for advice and support. Have you locked the door, can he get into the house?

Even if Social Services become involved, all they want to do is make sure your children are safe. Your children may say something at school and they would involve SS anyway so better that they hear it from you.

I understand the feeling of shame and not wanting to admit to anyone what has happened. You've had a nasty shock and will naturally be reeling. The shame is ALL his and you have done nothing wrong. I would make an appointment with your GP and go and see them tomorrow. They can document what's happened and check you over. You may well have some bruising tomorrow.

Speak to your family and friends and get their support. Don't struggle with this alone.

https://womensaid.org.uk/

Do you both own your home? If so he is entitled to return unless their are bail conditions or an occupation order. It is best you report him to help protect yourself and the children. Speak to the nspcc for advice on supporting and safeguarding your children if you are not ready to speak to police or social services yet.
I worked for a domestic abuse charity for 3 years and it's more common than you would expect for police officers to be perpetrators.

He could have killed you in front of your children and you haven’t called the police??? SS need to be involved because you are not protecting your kids currently. Please think about how terrifying this was for them and call the police.

Your children are going to talk to people about this which will probably trigger ss anyway
it’s best you report it first or they will question why you haven’t

Please do report, I’m not sure what, in the Police means, there are numerous jobs in addition to being a Police Officer, but regardless it in his problem not yours, he will be taken to a base which isn’t his home base and his custody record restricted. He will likely be suspended but on pay.

In the meantime he will at least have bail conditions not to enter the home and other restrictions the investigating officer will discuss with you.

You and the children will get support, the behaviour also is repeated and escalating.

Your children need you, you need you, you deserve better.

If you don’t report this then you are not doing the right thing by your kids are you?

Please take heed. You need to see your GP and get your injuries documented. You also need to speak to the police, the fact he works for them should not put you off from speaking to them.

Put you and your kids first and foremost now , not him. What are they going to remember about their own childhoods?. They deserve to live free from seeing abuse of you their mother by this violent drunkard. It’s over between you and he anyway. Enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme going forward as well.

Quite frankly you have exposed your children to this level of violence. Why did you collect him? Why weren't the children in bed? He's hit you before, this hasn't come out of the blue. You must contact your family, protect yourself and take steps to protect your children. Take some action.

Please follow this advice. I wish you well.

I’m with everyone else. Call the police. It’s likely the school will find out from your children anyway. Do it all through the proper processes to protect you and your children. Men like this need to face the consequences of their actions. Also get yourself checked out…you’ve been punched in the head multiple times! Take care op.

Pleeease report this to the police.

He is a violent abuser. You said he would lose his job if it was reported.... that's because violent abusers shouldn't be police officers.

SS are not to be feared. It's worse if you cover up for him. Your children need all the support they can get. SS won't judge you for being a victim of domestic violence. They will be there to support you.

Please do all you can to keep this vile man away.

Not reporting it will get SS involved in a much much worse way when they eventually DO find out which they will.

You acted in a protective way that evening but removing the children from the scene and going to the bathroom. You need to continue this protection by going to the police and asking for support from local domestic abuse charities. Social services will become involved if you continue to expose the children to his abuse. Your children are victims, just as much as you are in this situation. I know leaving is scary and research shows when you leave domestic abuse can escalate so please do it safely with the support of a DA charity and or refuge. They can complete a safety plan and add extra security to the house

Report him, leave him. Forget about money, you and the kids are more important. He should lose his job. Your eldest kid can confirm what happened so didn’t worry about having no marks. Stay with someone for a while or have them with you. Get an injunction.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, I know it’s not easy but you HAVE to leave him, please do it for the sake of your children x

Sorry this happened to you. Call the police, they will believe you. Call your family.

If he stays in the Police then many other vulnerable people are also at risk.
Next time he might do worse and how would you feel if he hurt the children?

I’m sorry this has happened to you but I agree you need to report this. You should have called the police, not his parents, when it happened. SS will help you - unless you choose to take him back and expose your kids to the DV risk again, and then they will help them.

SS are not the enemy here - they could be your white knight. Let them help you escape this abusive cunt.

Your kids will most likely tell the school anyway. As I hope you haven’t told them to lie or keep secrets about your house. Nothing will come to you with SS as long as you stay away from him. phone the police and be done with him and his enabling parents. This will only get worse

Nice victim blaming. Clear you don't understand domestic abuse

I’d say it’s the children who are as much of a victim here wouldn’t you