36 weeks pregnant & OH suddenly turning cold

[Mslongears]

I'm almost 37 weeks and recently my OH has become extremely disinterested in the pregnancy and the relationship in general.
We already have a young son who he's great with, but he keeps saying how I don't do enough around the home, or for him. I do his washing, cooking (when he's home for dinner). I do all of the cleaning, appointments etc. He's started going out drinking which he hasn't done since before we got together. He doesn't get blind drunk and is home by midnight, but it's that sudden change which has bothered me a little bit especially as we haven't been out together in years. When I express this, he says how I'm "free to go out whenever I want", but obviously I don't exactly feel up for going out on my own late at night at this point!! Nor do I ever get the time to. Last night before he went out he was acting so nice, perhaps a bit too nice. He was saying how we could have a family day today, which is something we very rarely do. But then ended up leaving first thing this morning to finish off some work stuff. He didn't come back until 5pm when he said how I need to change, how I need to "get off my ass", all while I was making him dinner. I spend the whole day cleaning, looking after our toddler and it seems he's expecting me to get a full time job alongside it before he'd stop thinking I'm lazy. This is very out of character for him, but he has been through some major stress recently and may be depressed, although he'd never admit to it. I've been considering staying at a hotel for a few nights without contacting him to give him space to see if that helps, but I worry I may go into labour any time soon, as I previously went at 37 weeks. I've just recieved a text from him saying "something needs to change. I'm not carrying on like this anymore. You need to find somewhere else to live". All out of nowhere. I can't think of what I've done wrong, I try so hard to be the best mother and partner I can be I hardly ever have time to focus on myself. I never, ever put myself first. My heart is breaking because I feel so unappreciated and severely burnt out. I'm absolutely dreading having a baby now and I feel myself slipping away

My guess is that the reality of having to parent 2 children is hitting hard. It’s easy to run away to the pub and not look like a tosser when you have a toddler. When you have a new baby and a toddler and you’re dicking off to the pub all the time and demanding lie ins and going off doing what you want, you look like a real pathetic loser. He wants to force you out before it gets to that point and make it all your fault.

Yeah, he’s pulling out of responsibility and your relationship and trying to use you / blame you as the reason. I’m sorry this is happening to you. He’s showing his true colours and in a truly ugly way.

As an aside, where’s he expecting your toddler to live? I assume he’s going to have him 50/50? Take half the week off. No more pub nights? That’s an awful lot of solo parenting for someone who doesn’t really seem to do much of it 🙄

You’ve done nothing wrong. it’s him, not you at fault here.

What do you say in response to him telling you to get off your arse?. How dare he say that when he’s been out all day.

Oeople do go through stressful times and get depressed but neither are justification for him to treat you so very badly. Where is your real life support here, your friends and parents for example?.

What is the situation re the finances and property?. Are you living in his house without being named on a mortgage or tenancy agreement ?.

Pleae put yourself and your dc now front and centre in your life, not this man. He is nor worthy to tie your shoes. I would seriously consider leaving him
before your second child is born because it’s not going to get any better. I would also give this child your surname rather than his. In the longer term
you need to go back to work.

It sounds like he’s checking out of the relationship and unfortunately the most common reason is that there’s another woman involved somehow.

Looks like he’s pushing you to end things so he can play the innocent victim

Sounds like he's met someone OP. You need to speak to someone IRL, especially since the birth is so close. Is there anyone who can help you?

Sorry OP, sounds like there an OW in the wings.

Please OP, you need to find someone IRL who can be with you during this. You need support to see you through and ensure that you are treated in a respectful manner by your, quite frankly, appalling other half. Do you have a family member to come over and sit with you and stay this evening? I'd be telling him that he's clearly checking out, so you might as well call it a day. And seek legal advice ASAP.
Wishing you well.

He is either totally bailing now the reality of 2 children (the responsibility etc) us setting in
OR
Shagging someone else which is (and I dont understand why) crazily common when wives get pregnant...

My guess from what a cunt he is being is he is shagging someone else.

"something needs to change. I'm not carrying on like this anymore. You need to find somewhere else to live".
Is a CLEAR sign...
You are about to be a single mother.

The relationship is over.
He's checked out and there is no point trying to win him back ( Google chump lady and pick me dance)

Personally I'd be telling him to fuck off out of it and go somewhere else but im married and stayed working and am on the deeds.
I've just reread and seen its OH not DH... so I'm guess its "his" house... you pay for bills and various things, do housework and childcare but arent on the mortgage....

Do you have family? Any good friends?
How old is your other child? Theres a big diff between 2 and 4.

Tell your midwife EVERYTHING.

He is scum of the highest order to threaten you with homelessness when you are about to give birth.
Whatever happens remember this - No decent man would do this to a stranger let alone the mother of his children.
Never have sex with him or trust him again.

I wish you luck and sorry this is happening to you - I struggle to articulate how poorly I think of this scummy excuse of a man

No you don't need to find somewhere else to live . He can if he wants to . Disgusting man saying that to you at 36 weeks pregnant. And your toddler ? Is he supposed to go somewhere else too ? Your DH needs to go fuck himself. And yeah I suspect he is thinking about having no responsibilities with some OW .

If you do leave for a night in a hotel, take your son with you. Otherwise he might keep him from you and palm him off onto the OW he wants to move in. This will make you look like you left him and your child so he can wear a bigger victim halo.

What a selfish bastard. He's probably had his head turned and is trying to get you to end it. Arsehole move when you're pregnant, but tracks for a selfish man.

Are you married OP? Or did you move into his house and you're not married? He's being absolutely vile when you're at your most vulnerable, he's a complete tosser 😠

Do you have family you could go and stay with until the baby is born? If so, I would do that. You need people around you who love and support you when you're heavily pregnant and have a little one to look after.

Don't let him make you feel that you're the one in the wrong - you're not, he is. It sounds like he's totally checked out of the relationship and I do wonder if he's had his head turned by someone else. Now is not the time to be trying to sort out if you want to separate permanently, you need to concentrate on looking after yourself and your little one. There will be time after the baby to get legal and financial advice.

For now I would go and stay with family if you can. If not, stop doing his washing and cooking, rest up and show him what it really means to do nothing!

Not married, together since 2016. I cut my family out before I had our son due to various major conflicts, so they're better off not getting involved. They aren't even aware I'm pregnant and I have no plans to tell them. I'm going to look into getting on the housing list, but I'd be making myself intentionally homeless so it probably won't happen quickly. We don't share finances which probably makes things a bit easier in regards to seperating

If you don't own the property, if it's owned solely by the idiot then if you apply on the housing register intentionally homeless doesn't come into it. If he tells you to leave because it's his house or if you have to leave because he's abusive then again I don't see how you can be found to be IH. If you jointly own then take legal advice. ( I used to be a homeless officer)

Sounds as if he doesn't want to play happy families and be the sole provider again.
Reality has hit.

@Luckyingame
The OP is the sole provider of his children. She hardly chose childbearing as a hobby like drinking as he has done.

Doesn't there have to be evidence of police involvement to 'prove' DA. I only ask coz I worked in housing and you had to have evidence, this might have changed by now though (hopefully).

To add I’m very sorry you are experiencing him revealing his cunt nature OP and he is probably invested in someone else. Even if he is not it’s vile how he is treating you.
Sprak to your midwife about your situation.
Do you have friends to help when you give birth and beyond?

Hi OP I don’t think you can be deemed intentionally homeless because from what you’ve said you have no legal right to remain in his property. You have a licence in effect which can be revoked at will.

So sorry you are dealing with with this

Op. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I’m really at a loss of what to say, other than this behaviour from your OH is not normal and completely unacceptable.
If I were you, the first thing I would do is put a plan in place of someone that can look after your toddler if you go in to labour, someone that you know is going to be able to answer your call, and not be drunk at the pub. A friend or neighbour perhaps? Also, do you have someone that can take you to the hospital and/or be with you during birth? I appreciate you have said you have no family, so again perhaps a friend? I’d much rather labour on my own than have someone that’s being so awful to me around!
I think this should be your first plan of action. As a previous post has mentioned, have a chat with your midwife too. They ask about you ‘feeling safe at home’ which I think must mean they have the capacity to help you if you are not. I think this would fall under that category, at the very least hopefully they would be able to guide you in the right direction of who to speak to.
no matter the outcome, I agree with you that looking for an alternative place to live is the right call. You don’t need to put up with this sort of behaviour. Doesn’t matter if he’s depressed or whatever, it’s your life too and you deserve to feel safe and relaxed at this point of your life/pregnancy. X

I would take advice from another professional who had some dealings with the person concerned. So for example, a midwife, social worker, etc. If the applicant had confided that she was being abused but hadn't had police involvement I would consider that. What I was looking for was independent 3rd party evidence. Many women don't involve the police but will tell a HCP for example.

Another man who shows his true colours once he reckons his partner is well and truly trapped.

You have to show him that you are not trapped and not afraid to be a single parent, even if that's not actually true. And regularly tell him how lucky he is to have you. I know someone who does that. 🤣 Edit: Sorry, I just saw the bit about the text. How CRUEL! Threatening a heavily pregnant woman with homelessness! 😡

P.S. You are heavily pregnant. He cannot just throw you out of your habitual residence. Please have an appt with a lawyer asap. And he needs to pay child support.

I'm sorry, OP.

He doesn’t want her though. She would be better leaving a cruel piece of work like him.

They are not married, the house is his alone. So she has no legal right to stay if he wants her out

Yeah, I missed the part about the text he just sent.

Sounds like the trash took itself out!

I've heard some people say that single parenting is easier in one sense, in that you can bring the children up how you want with less interference.