36 weeks pregnant & OH suddenly turning cold

[Mslongears]

I'm almost 37 weeks and recently my OH has become extremely disinterested in the pregnancy and the relationship in general.
We already have a young son who he's great with, but he keeps saying how I don't do enough around the home, or for him. I do his washing, cooking (when he's home for dinner). I do all of the cleaning, appointments etc. He's started going out drinking which he hasn't done since before we got together. He doesn't get blind drunk and is home by midnight, but it's that sudden change which has bothered me a little bit especially as we haven't been out together in years. When I express this, he says how I'm "free to go out whenever I want", but obviously I don't exactly feel up for going out on my own late at night at this point!! Nor do I ever get the time to. Last night before he went out he was acting so nice, perhaps a bit too nice. He was saying how we could have a family day today, which is something we very rarely do. But then ended up leaving first thing this morning to finish off some work stuff. He didn't come back until 5pm when he said how I need to change, how I need to "get off my ass", all while I was making him dinner. I spend the whole day cleaning, looking after our toddler and it seems he's expecting me to get a full time job alongside it before he'd stop thinking I'm lazy. This is very out of character for him, but he has been through some major stress recently and may be depressed, although he'd never admit to it. I've been considering staying at a hotel for a few nights without contacting him to give him space to see if that helps, but I worry I may go into labour any time soon, as I previously went at 37 weeks. I've just recieved a text from him saying "something needs to change. I'm not carrying on like this anymore. You need to find somewhere else to live". All out of nowhere. I can't think of what I've done wrong, I try so hard to be the best mother and partner I can be I hardly ever have time to focus on myself. I never, ever put myself first. My heart is breaking because I feel so unappreciated and severely burnt out. I'm absolutely dreading having a baby now and I feel myself slipping away

I suppose for leave to remain in the house for a set period of time, in this case to allow her the time to recover from birth and find somewhere to live.

It really is beyond unfair.

And people are woefully unaware of the vulnerability of women in this situation. But that’s the law as it currently Stands in the UK

**

If a man can really kick his life partner onto the streets with five minutes notice when she's heavily pregnant and they already have a child together, then laws need to change! There should be a grace period.

To apply to Court you need to have a legal right you are trying to enforce.

For example maintenance for children, you would apply under the Children Act There is no right here for the OP to try to enforce

I agree. It shouid be changed. But we are stuck with the law as it is

Has your boyfriend actually told you to leave @Mslongears?

Or is it a veiled threat at the moment?

Don't kick a heavily pregnant woman when she's down - especially not one with a partner who's trying to kick her out! That's mean.

I'm sorry, but I'm so sick of reading and hearing about these situations. I have a lovely colleague who is being evicted by her partner. They have been together for 20 years and have a 16 yr old child. She has no claim on his property and works part time in a minimum wage job. Women need to fucking wake up and consider the implications of having DC unmarried in a property they have no rights to.

How are you doing OP?

Because marriage isn't all what it's cracked up to be, especially when the property isn't his own but his parents. What difference would marriage have made in this case? I have more assets, more savings than he has. Therefore, maybe by not marrying I've actually protected myself. And I fell pregnant 7 years into the relationship the first time, it's not as if I went in completely blind, having kids with a stranger..

He's refusing to speak to me. He said there's no future, how we'll never get anywhere. I haven't stopped crying, my eyes are a burning mess. He came in, straight into his bed (seperate room situation), and went to sleep. I keep telling myself maybe he needs space, he's recently been through life changing news as of last Tuesday, so maybe the stress and worry is starting to build

If the property belongs to his parents then it makes the situation easier in a way. If you have savings then look for a private rent, you don't have to stay with him. You can start again without having to divorce, sort out ownership of a property or divide assets. Obviously you can sort out child support as he needs to pay that.

If this is the way he deals with stress, how on earth did he cope with a crying baby in the house?

Glad to hear that OP, if you were married he could not legally throw you out of the matrimonial home. So you would have had a bit of breathing space. But what’s done is done

Maybe in the longer term you will be better off.

Look after yourself. You and the baby are the most important consideration here 💐

The right to remain in the property because of the children

If you go about it in the correct manner you will have a chance at remaining housed.
Even if he sends threatening letters from his solicitor, they are not legally binding. Only a court can order your eviction and given the circumstances, they will do what is best for the children. It would take months, if not years to evict which during this time, OP can focus on getting herself sorted.

You are not in a position to give legal advice. So stop doing so.

He can change the locks if he wants. He does not need an eviction order,

When a person is in a vulnerable position it is irresponsible to hand out advice like this which has no basis in reality

Look, he's a bastard, and highly likely there's another woman. It's so heartbreaking and my heart goes out to you, but I'm just hoping other women, not so fortunate as to have assets and savings, might read this and take steps to protect themselves before having children.

It makes me so sad reading about these scenarios time and time again. The colleague I mentioned, I assumed they were married, but no, tale as old as time. He said they'd marry AFTER they had a child but changed his mind after the child was born. My colleague is devastated. She has no pension, no assets. It's desperate.

If just one woman reads this and it influences her to protect herself, her children, her future, then you have made a difference.

How do you know I'm not?

Because what you are saying is incorrect. No legally competent person would say it

First thing tomorrow, contact the council and tell them your situation: late stage pregnancy and about to be made homeless by your partner when you should be preparing for the birth. With a situation that precarious, they should be able to prioritise getting you registered, as well as increase your priority band so you can start bidding on properties.

Secondly, get in touch with Shelter to find out exactly what rights you have to remain in your current home.

How well do you get on with his parents? Are they the type to be decent and let you stay until the baby is born and you’re back on your feet again, and get your OH to live with them for a bit while that plays out? Or are they as unpleasant as him?

I don’t know what life-changing news he had, so hard to tell whether this is all a reaction to that, but I think other posters are right when they say it sounds like he’s already found your replacement. He’s a shit and you deserve better, however painful it is right now. So take what steps you can to protect yourself and the kids.

If he's told you to find somewhere else to live, you're not making yourself voluntarily homeless. Go to the council and tell them your partner is throwing you out of his house and you have nowhere to go. They will have to provide emergency accommodation.

Can you talk to his parents if they own the house?