36 weeks pregnant & OH suddenly turning cold

[Mslongears]

I'm almost 37 weeks and recently my OH has become extremely disinterested in the pregnancy and the relationship in general.
We already have a young son who he's great with, but he keeps saying how I don't do enough around the home, or for him. I do his washing, cooking (when he's home for dinner). I do all of the cleaning, appointments etc. He's started going out drinking which he hasn't done since before we got together. He doesn't get blind drunk and is home by midnight, but it's that sudden change which has bothered me a little bit especially as we haven't been out together in years. When I express this, he says how I'm "free to go out whenever I want", but obviously I don't exactly feel up for going out on my own late at night at this point!! Nor do I ever get the time to. Last night before he went out he was acting so nice, perhaps a bit too nice. He was saying how we could have a family day today, which is something we very rarely do. But then ended up leaving first thing this morning to finish off some work stuff. He didn't come back until 5pm when he said how I need to change, how I need to "get off my ass", all while I was making him dinner. I spend the whole day cleaning, looking after our toddler and it seems he's expecting me to get a full time job alongside it before he'd stop thinking I'm lazy. This is very out of character for him, but he has been through some major stress recently and may be depressed, although he'd never admit to it. I've been considering staying at a hotel for a few nights without contacting him to give him space to see if that helps, but I worry I may go into labour any time soon, as I previously went at 37 weeks. I've just recieved a text from him saying "something needs to change. I'm not carrying on like this anymore. You need to find somewhere else to live". All out of nowhere. I can't think of what I've done wrong, I try so hard to be the best mother and partner I can be I hardly ever have time to focus on myself. I never, ever put myself first. My heart is breaking because I feel so unappreciated and severely burnt out. I'm absolutely dreading having a baby now and I feel myself slipping away

The problem is, that it appears the accommodation is not secure. We don't know the exact arrangement, but unless she is named on a tenancy agreement she has no rights to stay. She can hardly insist on a right that doesn't exist. I'm sorry, but that is the legal situation. If his parents agree, then fine, however they may be reluctant as it could cause other issues in the future.

Wow what a piece of shit! 💩

There is way more to this than he will admit for now. Seems as though he has had his turned by someone.

You are grieving for the relationship you thought you had. Like others I think you would be better off grieving at distance.

Lots of contradictory advice here about your rights, and I am not qualified to add anything. I would say however that he must have some legal responsibility to your toddler. If I were you I would reply to his text saying that you will try to find accommodation but that he will have to do 50% of the childcare and he will have to be on call for when you go into labour. From what you say I doubt he will actually want to pursue this course of action.

(The irony being that at this stage, you already know you are better off without him so you don’t actually really want to put him off his course of action. You just need to get your ducks in a row and weather this time at which you are at your most vulnerable. I cannot express enough contempt for this man; I am writing this through tears.)

Why would he agree to this? He is not going to 'give' his parents house to her. Bearing in mind how a lot of men don't even pay maintenance, he's not going to give her his house. V few men put their children first in this type of situation

My knowledge is just fine LLB MA

Not property law but its basic knowledge that the OP is a licensee in this situation and has accrued no rights. Your advice is wishful thinking and not legal advice

A bit of an update. Haven't seen or heard from him at all today. His phone has been off. I sent a message to ask him to find somewhere else to sleep as I'm sure his sudden regular disappearances have been confusing our 3 year old. He keeps asking where dad is, and I just don't know what to tell him. His parents aren't much better unfortunately. They are the sort who think their son can't do wrong. I have a midwife appointment on Thursday, so will discuss birthing alone and possibly sorting out social services for temporary childcare if it comes to it.

I'm so sorry @Mslongears it was sad to see what you wrote about your little boy missing his dad.

And I hope the midwife will be able to help and advise you on Thursday.

Speak to the council and say you are being forced out your home. Unless you can afford a rental? Make sure you claim uc and child benefit. .
Hes treating you this was because he thinks he can.

I'm floored by this aswell!

@Mslongears, I am so sorry that your ‘Partner’ is inflicting such massive pain during this vulnerable time. Kudos for telling him to stay away.

It’s very likely that his sudden disengagement, absences, and contemptuous behavior are due to an investment elsewhere. He is following the Script — creating distance by belittling you and conjuring untrue complaints about laziness when you are actually running yourself ragged managing all responsibilities while heavily pregnant. He couldn’t care less how his cruelty is affecting your and your unborn baby’s health and your toddler’s well-being. Demanding that you all get out is absolutely heinous. In my view, all of this comes from his prioritizing another woman. Yes, he received some stressful news last week, but his abusive behavior precedes that.

I don’t live in the UK so cannot advise on your housing situation, but in light of his vicious attitude it is imperative that you establish separate residences. Gather as much support as you can.

Sending you strength and positive thoughts, @Mslongears.

How are you doing OP ??
Been thinking about you and your situation a lot.

Would you be as floored if the situation was reversed? If the pregnant woman/mother owned the property or if she rented solely in her name and asked the man to leave? You might think it unfair in either situation, but legally it's correct.

I'm so sorry this is happening. He is becoming abusive because he wants out. He is scared of having another baby and about to run a mile. That's on him, not you. Get practical about housing and if he owns his property whether you have any claim to it as a defacto partner.

I am amazed it's like this in the UK, in Australia defacto spouses have the same rights generally as married in terms of financial settlement and it is appalling what is happening to this woman. This needs to change!

What rights would it be, when the house is owned by his parents, so they are kind of renting?

Yes, people need to get married or enter into civil partnerships. We have the appropriate rules in place. BTW many women don't marry because they have more money, or own a property in their own name, and don't want a man to be able to make a claim on it. The law works for all in that respect. What we do need is greater understanding of the current laws so that both parties make an informed choice and are both on the same page. And an understanding that we don't have common law marriage in the UK and never have in England /Wales. (I believe the law in Scotland may have been different.)

So sorry you are havong to live this OP, its so damn low to make the heavily pregnant mother of your children homeless, I can barely believe it

Yes. Informed choice is the key.

Hope your midwife appointment goes well today.