36 weeks pregnant & OH suddenly turning cold

[Mslongears]

I'm almost 37 weeks and recently my OH has become extremely disinterested in the pregnancy and the relationship in general.
We already have a young son who he's great with, but he keeps saying how I don't do enough around the home, or for him. I do his washing, cooking (when he's home for dinner). I do all of the cleaning, appointments etc. He's started going out drinking which he hasn't done since before we got together. He doesn't get blind drunk and is home by midnight, but it's that sudden change which has bothered me a little bit especially as we haven't been out together in years. When I express this, he says how I'm "free to go out whenever I want", but obviously I don't exactly feel up for going out on my own late at night at this point!! Nor do I ever get the time to. Last night before he went out he was acting so nice, perhaps a bit too nice. He was saying how we could have a family day today, which is something we very rarely do. But then ended up leaving first thing this morning to finish off some work stuff. He didn't come back until 5pm when he said how I need to change, how I need to "get off my ass", all while I was making him dinner. I spend the whole day cleaning, looking after our toddler and it seems he's expecting me to get a full time job alongside it before he'd stop thinking I'm lazy. This is very out of character for him, but he has been through some major stress recently and may be depressed, although he'd never admit to it. I've been considering staying at a hotel for a few nights without contacting him to give him space to see if that helps, but I worry I may go into labour any time soon, as I previously went at 37 weeks. I've just recieved a text from him saying "something needs to change. I'm not carrying on like this anymore. You need to find somewhere else to live". All out of nowhere. I can't think of what I've done wrong, I try so hard to be the best mother and partner I can be I hardly ever have time to focus on myself. I never, ever put myself first. My heart is breaking because I feel so unappreciated and severely burnt out. I'm absolutely dreading having a baby now and I feel myself slipping away

Did you become estranged from your family because of him?

Marriage was invented to prevent this type of scenario.
All young women need to be taught how common it is for relationships to break down when children are added to the mix.
If a man doesn't marry you before you have a baby, he's even less likely to do so afterwards.

You need to put yourself on the housing list and get legal advice for maintenance for your two children.

So sorry you're going through this, OP. But don't make excuses for him - stress doesn't turn decent people into cruel monsters. I hope all works out for you and the baby.

Thats advice for a tenancy...this is not a tenancy. Listen to those who are legally qualified and learn

Expand your knowledge then.......

“he's recently been through life changing news as of last Tuesday”

What news?

OP I get why you feel so blind sided by this so called man.

I been though the same ordeal some years ago, and like you I had no idea what I had done wrong and was completely blindsided. It was his place so I had no choice but to pack our things and leave. My DD was only 4 at the time, and I was 8 weeks pregnant, and yes unbeknown to me he had met someone else and inpregnated her too, just a month prior. I got through it, and so will you.

Gather your ducks and make a little plan. He is showing you loud and clear who he truly is, and he cannot be trusted. Sounds like he has found someone else, who he has probably been lying to as well, and sounds like he is in a pickle so is making you look bad so he can feel better about the horrid shit he is doing to his family, better leave a man that does this, as later down the line worse abuse may come. Let him sail as his ship will sink in time. Its so lame and hurtful what he is doing to you, but more so to his DC. Non of you deserve this, but like I said, he is showing you who he is, and he will treat whoever is next the same way. They always do. Please remember one thing and that his treatment of you does not take away your value, even if he is trying to make you feel less than.

Time to take control, and please do not go back even if he begs, it will only allow him to treat you appallingly again. Get angry.

Fucking hell. My post saying women should be more aware of their vulnerability when having children unmarried and with no rights to property has been removed! Has it really got to that stage, where stating the bleeding obvious is banned? Maybe a woman will read this thread and it will lead to her making decisions that will protect her future and prevent her being in a scary and vulnerable situation in future.

It was probably removed because the OP is very vulnerable and was asking for help, and she doesn't need blame right now.

ETA: Maybe you, or MNHQ, could do a post that's pinned somewhere relevant with a PSA stating this information. I agree that young women should be told. And we can all do our parts to make sure that the girls in our lives are aware of this.

I'm really stunned by the legal situation. I was fully aware that there's no such thing as a common-law spouse in the UK and that married people have far more rights than unmarried. But I never imagined that someone could just tell the pregnant mother of their child to leave, with another child in residence too. That is just unbelievable.

ETA, sorry, have just read your edit!

OP has been treated appallingly. Her partner is a cold and callous arsehole, probably cheating, and deploying 'the script' to deflect the blame. It's shit, but it's a tale as old as time. If just one woman reads this and, as a consequence, thinks to protect herself and her children from being in a similar situation, then that's one less family dealing with the devastation of abandonment with no claim on or access to assets.

I'm old now, and can't express how these situations, that I've witnessed first hand several times, depress and anger me. If I was too blunt I apologise, but women really really need to think about how vulnerable they and their children are when they accept a relationship that offers them no financial security whatsoever.

I'm so sorry @Mslongears to read of your situation, you must be highly stressed right now. Please do your best to do some calming breathwork, if you don't know how, look it up on YouTube - it's so important right now at this stage of your pregnancy to remain as calm as possible.

First thing in the morning, please register with the council for emergency housing. You are NOT making yourself intentionally homeless, you have a text from your ex telling you to leave, and as it's not your property, the council cannot insist that you remain there (they may try, but I don't feel it's safe for you to do so with your ex's current mindset).

Please also speak with your midwife, she might be able to help with the council finding you something suitable and appropriate.

Have you got anyone for childcare whilst you're in hospital labouring? I personally would not inform him when you're in labour, you really don't need any stress from him, and having him there will hinder your progress. Besides, he has no right to see you at your most vulnerable, the cunt.

I really hope the council come through for you tomorrow. I'd definitely urge you to leave with your child as a matter of urgency, start packing up your stuff. You just don't know when this man will turn even more nasty, I wouldn't risk staying more than another day or two.

What an awful, awful man. Whatever life-changing news he's had, I'm wondering if it's an awful diagnosis or something, but whatever it is, it does not excuse his appalling treatment of you.

Once you're sorted, you'll look back and realise that you never needed him and you'll be just fine on your own. Best of luck to you and your children.

Sounds like he is deflecting his behaviour back onto you playing the’ blame game’
are you prepared to live in a situation where your emotional needs are not being met If he can’t find the time to |engage in constructive dialogue to improve your life then you have your answer it all depends how much you are willing to tolerate
there are always alternatives

I’m so sorry, my ex did this to me at 34 weeks pregnant and he walked out. Please tell your midwife everything she was so great with me.
tell him he can move out if he likes and move your mum in (if she is nice) to help with newborn stage

Regardless of his bad news last week his disregard for you and the children is disgusting.

He may be calling your bluff but if you have the funds just leave with your child.( I know its hard whilst your about to give birth ) but i just couldnt even look at him let alone stay in the same place with this peice of sxxx

Book into a hotel and go to the council to help you either with temp accommodation or help to find a place you can rent privately.

Do not answer if he calls you and dont tell him what you are doing or where you are.

Ps. Have you definatly not got anyone that can help untill you have the baby.

Some men are just total cunts . . .

Haven't rtft but can I just put this out here because it's so bloody easy (and usually on the nose I admit) to assume if it's a man it's an arsehole but I am really concerned at how little is known about men's mental health and it's frankly dangerous. I just thought considering he's had life changing news recently that things aren't always black and white op so I just wanted a voice to tell you that and I also want to say I'm sorry he's been confusing and hurting u regardless. it's not fair and it must be an incredibly stressful thing for u being so pregnant. I don't have any advice other than you know your life and history and gut so don't get too caught up in what strangers think about ur situation. Thinking of you ❤️

.................but I am really concerned at how little is known about men's mental health and it's frankly dangerous

I don't give a toss about his mental health.
Nothing entitles him to treat the OP the way he's treating her.
How fucking dare he.

Hence why I said it's unfair and wrong so don't select certain parts of my statement to add another bitter comment I think she gets the point, I was trying to offer an empathetic perspective without a pitchfork in my hand

How is he with the toddler? Would it be viable to leave the toddler at home while you find somewhere new to live and maybe even until you’ve have the baby? He can’t throw his own child out and it would only need to be for a few weeks until you’ve got settled and then can sort out ongoing shared parenting arrangements. Obviously not an option if you fear he’d be abusive or neglectful towards your child.

Under what enactment would she make this application?

You are right.
Your comment got deleted, because truth hurts.
Women, since young girls, ought to be made aware what men are like.
I gained my "wisdom" at 13, when I decided never to have any kids and only marry if it improves my life, which I did.
Learned by observation, since we were to be seen and not heard. The misery of most women who trusted most men and agreed to become vulnerable.
Never.

Phone his parents and insist that you need to stay in your secure accommodation until the new baby is six months old.
Ask if they will tolerate having their son to stay, as he wants to kick you out.
Then leave it up to them but you concentrate on your baby and your toddler and your own wellbeing.

Rethink everything in a few months.

Also ask his parents if they would care for DC1 while you are in labour and if they can be on call to drive you to hospital.

Talk to your midwife. Can your parents help? I would refuse to move out - let him find somewhere else to live. I would start documenting everything - texts, conversations etc. get a diary so you can start recording everything against the correct dates

OP has stated that she has her own assets and more savings than him. In this situation it was in her own interests not to marry and give him half when he turned into a nasty man.