What to do with partner who gambles ?

[inkyspells]

I won’t bore you but we have been together 5 years.
Did not realise the extent of his gambling issues till we moved in.
He transfers me the bill money (his half ) and then he spends every last penny on online gambling.
This month he spent £800 in one day.
Lied for a week saying he had money left (he didn’t)
I have a betting account that I only use on a Saturday for Irish lottery but every night I end up having to top up £5 for him or he honestly goes on and on and on.
With the please please
I won’t ask again but then obviously he does.
I try and go a night without topping up but the way he goes on is ridiculous.
He will be moody,not speak,not eat his tea,not help with housework.
I have told him no more.
Im so sick of it
Every month he says he is only going to top up £30 but £800 is the most it’s been in a while.
December was £1000 in two days.

What does he do ?re

Is this a joke? I wouldn't tolerate the best looking man in the world if he was gambling away every penny we had. There are attractive men out there who don't gamble

Do you want the bailiffs turning up at your door?

Do you want your credit score to be shot to pieces?

He is an addict. He loves gambling more than he loves you, or anyone, or anything else. He will lie, cheat and steal money to feed his habit, and he won't stop, even if you beg him.

There is nothing you can do except leave.

It sounds as if you would be no worse off if you broke up. Even if he owns half the house he will never have a penny to pay a decent family law solicitor. Just saying.

Think I commented on your other thread about this man. There's absolutely no point to him. He's using you to leech money and labour, abusing you by stonewalling you and refusing to do his half of chores. He leaves you with no car and doesn't care if you fall in ice.

Believe him. He does not cherish you.

You need to split up. Like any addict, his primary relationship is with his addiction. You can't stop him or help him.

I used to work with addicts. I don't think gambling addiction is more difficult to kick than any other addiction - they are all hard - but it can put partners and families at risk if the addict borrows money from dodgy characters to fund his debts. Yet one more reason for you to leave this destructive relationship.

Leave.

It will only get worse unless he chooses to seek help and sticks to a rehabilitation programme to free himself.

If you stay (and you are enabling him, with your top ups) his debt will mount up. He is throwing away money that could go to your joint home, his pension and future - who will be expected to support him then? - and your shared life together. He is currently paying his bills (except he isn't - because you are giving him YOUR money back in top ups - £140 pcm minimum - would you happily put that money of yours straight in the bin?? )

You finance will be badly affected. The debts and bad credit at your shared address will affect you, and so on. It's no life.

You are being bullied and co-erced into giving him your money to gamble. That is in no way a healthy relationship.

OP - the answer to your Q is 'you separate from them. Fast'

Don't wait until he is defrauding you by taking out loans in your name

Stop caving into his nagging.

He sounds like a sulky child refusing to eat his tea. 🙄 Stop being mummy to a full grown adult man.

Leave the guy. He will drag you down.

Dump.

He won’t change and this is no way to live. Leave him.

Do you have kids together? if not there is no need to live together. have a relationship living apart, keep your finances separate, meet for dates once a week and take it in turns to pay. Really, you don't have to live with a man if you don't want to or if you realise it's not going well.

I’m so sorry @inkyspellsyou know tou neex to leave.

I’ve not been with a gambler but havibg read other threads it does seem unlikely that he will stop lying, stop gambling and start to be the partner you need him to be .

The tactics he is using on you seem very controlling. Are you getting any support, say from GamFam?

I would really, really recommend that you do a credit check on yourself too. Lots of addicts take out loans and cards in their partners name’s to fund their addictions and just don’t tell them until your realise that your thousands of pounds in debt and it’s all in your name

I wouldn't even date a gambler, much less be in a relationship with them.

It's obviously time to split if he's spending so much on gambling. Check your credit and make sure he hasn't taken anything out in your name.

I doubt it's the same man but I know another with the exact same downward spiral. It's sad but gamblers drag everything and everyone down with them

Sorry OP, but you'll have a life of debt and misery with him.

Just leave. No other solution.

Your only sensible option here is to leave him before you get further enmeshed and caught up even more in his gambling addiction. Life with him is not going to improve for you at all as long as you remain with him. You may love him still but love is not enough and he could ruin your life too.

Yep, leave.

It really is that simple.

I was a compulsive gambler (on-line slots). Stopped in 2018, but still need to keep myself in check.

Firstly, you can’t be a “bit in”, like £25 a week - you have to be 100% out. No more gambling at all, no flutter on the Grand National, or bet on the Football Final.. you have to completly exclude yourself.

Gamstop to stop online, restrictions on bank card to stop gambling. I fessed up to my husband, and whilst I was “cold Turkey” he had hold of all the bank cards and gave me cash spending money (my gambling was only ever online).

I wanted to stop though, it’s a wholly miserable existence. So that will helped me through.

Not had a bet since 2018, and the massive debt I ran up is nearly completely cleared.

You need to leave, unless he is willing to actually stop.

In the bin with him.

Pronto.

option 1
stay and accept you are with a gambling addict and nothing will change

option 2
leave him

Leave for goodness sake.

Please please leave him, do not end up like my SIL with a child with this man. It will likely end one way or another so get out sooner rather than later.

Leave. Do not even try to be nice to him. He's shown you who is, you are not his mop up when it all goes wrong.

Well done to you for stopping, tgat must have been really hard.

You are right though, he does have to completely stop and want to recover and he isn’t showing the OP either of those.

Leave him. Does not get better. Best mate had this situation. Eventually LTB after many many years!