My partner, a 39-year-old man, and I, a 40-year-old woman, have been happily together for over 15 years. We have three children and are comfortably settled in a very stable relationship.
I’m straight, and we believe that if we hadn’t met so young, my partner might have explored a side of himself that we think could make him bisexual. In fact he has told me about some sexual experiences he has had with men before we met. However, over the past year or two, I’ve noticed that my libido hasn’t been where it used to be. I think I’m hitting peri-menopause and I’ve been feeling a bit sexually indifferent. My partner has been incredibly supportive throughout this time though. We do have sex just not as regularly as we would both like. I should say I’m very open about sex and all that goes with it. I’m open to different positions, oral sex, anal sex (him and me) and we also enjoy using toys in the bedroom.
Recently, we had a hypothetical discussion about introducing someone else to our sexual exploration and experiences. I firmly declined the idea of another woman because the thought of another woman in the bedroom makes me extremely jealous. Partly, this is because I’m more likely to imagine my partner running off with another woman. (I know they could run off with anyone, but this scenario just seems more likely in my mind.) However, I did say that I wouldn’t mind another man in the bedroom because I think I would be less jealous, and am less likely to believe he would leave me for a man.
Then, we discussed whether my partner would be open to anal sex with the other man. Since then, we’ve had many frank and honest discussions about how it would work, where it would be, and our hard limits. My partner has set up a Grindr account with my permission and has been messaging a few guys. He’s been honest with them and told them that he has a partner who is aware of what he’s doing—my partner has been showing me the messages he’s been receiving and sending.
He’s found a potential match on the site and the match knows that I know about the whole situation. He’s hoping to meet and hook up with this guy this week to see if he enjoys it and if we both are happy to continue the arrangement. Obviously safety is paramount and we’ve spoken about all of that too. We’ve agreed that at any point if either of us feels we don’t want to continue, we stop straight away.
I’ve also expressed that if the other guy is open to it, I might join in with the “fun” in the future. Also since we started this topic of conversation my libedo has gone through the roof and I’m way more active in the bedroom.
Am I being completely näive in thinking that this situation could work or should we just go for it and enjoy it.