just need to get this off my chest... things with dh are so awful

[fedupofcrying]

I've just had one of the worst days of my life. dh has always had a temper but he has been so much worse since our baby was born. today we argued because the baby was crying in the car, he wanted to take him out of the car seat and hold him, and i refused to drive with the baby not strapped in... for this i got my hair pulled and sworn at. later on i got sworn at because of some tension i'd caused in his family (though the situation was as much his fault as mine), he ended up threatening to take the baby away and he bit my hand. the worst of it is, he doesn't even think he's doing anything wrong. he constantly tells me i am a bad mother, our baby cries a lot and he thinks it's because i don't take his advice eg the baby is exclusively breastfed whereas he thinks it should have a bottle. his own mother backs him up and criticises all the time. i have been crying almost all day and I am so tired and fed up. this wasn't the way it was meant to be.

i'm not really posting to get advice or anything... really i just had to get this down in writing as i feel like i'm going mad. no-one in rl i can really talk to about all this and feeling very lonely.

[LuckySalem]

fedup - That is a dangerous situation you need to get out of.

I'm not very good with advice but that is my first instinct.

[eenybeeny]

that is violent abuse. You should not expose yourself and your child to this man. Get out and make it secret and make it so he has no control over you.

[Quattrocento]

He swears at you

He pulls your hair

He bites you

Just read that back. Please don't stay

[ruddynorah]

you say he's always had a temper, has he always been violent?

pulling your hair and biting you is not acceptable and you shouldn't be allowing yourself be treated this way.

have you any friends or family you can talk to about his violence?

[DelicateCreature]

fedup- He is bullying you. You need so much love and support when you become a mother, and he is kicking you when you are down.

Biting and pulling hair is domestic abuse.
Please consider your position esp with a baby involved

[ruddynorah]

are you still there?

[fedupofcrying]

he has said he will go to someone for anger management counselling ... though he hasn't booked anything yet... i am going to remind him again in the morning and tell him how important it is that he does it. he's been procrastinating about it for weeks.

[Jojay]

Echo what everyone else is saying.

This is NOT a 'normal' disagreement between husband and wife - this is abuse.

[OneLieIn]

fedup - please listen to us all.

He bites you. He pulls your hair. He has a temper and treats you badly.

Think about this, fedup, he will only get worse. Please please consider your options and talk to someone.

You need to look after yourself and your baby and get away from this loon.

Good luck and big hugs - btw, you were right about driving without the baby strapped in.

[fedupofcrying]

have to go for now as baby crying and i need to go to him, but will log on again when i can... thanks for the messages.

[LuckySalem]

fedup - I don't mean to sound horrid but...... he's got a nasty temper. What happens if he loses his temper with your DC? Remember it only takes 5 seconds for shaken baby syndrome.

[DelicateCreature]

fedup- does he really intend to go? You mention that he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong.
How long has he been like this?

[Jojay]

And BTW you are absolutely right not to drive without your baby being strapped in - and to breastfeed for that matter. Don't let him make you doubt yourself.

[DelicateCreature]

Good Luck fed up- I am sure you are a fantastic mother.
Please look after yourself and the baby

[QuintessentialShadows]

"he wanted to take him out of the car seat and hold him, and i refused to drive with the baby not strapped in... for this i got my hair pulled "

Were you the driver of the car?
He wanted you to drive with the baby unstrapped?
He pulled your hair when you were driving?

I am sorry, he is an unhinged nutcase, a seriously dangerous man!

[umberella]

god he sounds like a nasty nasty piece of work.

if he's procrastinating he's avoiding changing in my opinion. don't let him push you into the position of naggin him to go - he will only get more angry and blame you for it.

i really think you need to leave.

he is abusing you badly and things will get worse.

[umberella]

nagging

[bellavita]

for you.

He really needs to get some help.

You do not deserve to be treated like that.

[Leslaki]

Oh please get yourself and your baby out now. Pack up and leave when he is at work tomorrow. Don't wory about what you leqve behind, they are just things and can be replaced - YOU cannot EVER be replaced. leave. Can you go to your parents? Take out an injunction against him. Call Refuge. Please lean heavily on your rl friends and not just MN.
HUGS
Thinking of you
xxx

[Sanctuary]

Get out before its to late
For you and your baby sake
Hes a bully and things will only get worse

[beeny]

Please get out his behaviour is not normal.

[fedupofcrying]

thanks. he would not hurt the baby - in fact the arguments are happening because he thinks i am not looking after the baby well enough.

i understand what you are saying about protecting myself and baby but i am not ready to up and leave right now. i am wondering whether to print out this thread and leave it somewhere he will see it so he sees how serious things are, though i'm not sure if it's a good idea.

and i will definitely raise the anger management counselling tomorrow. i genuinely don't think he is procrastinating because he doesn't want to do it, he's just very busy with work, his family etc and hasn't got round to it.