Can there be friendship between a man and a woman?

[Pciuc]

I am a woman and my other half has a friend (single woman) who he has introduced me to at the beginning of our relationship. He has been very open and assured me that nothing ever happened and there would never be anything there as they are not attracted to each other.
I do not have male friends and never encoutered something like this in past relationships.
I do not want him to stop seeing her, I trust him but I do not want to be around, I want him to continue the friendship but far from my sight( avoident I know, but just because I am fearful of misreading something or getting hurt).
What does everyone things? Can there be a friendship between a man and a woman?
How can I explain to him the fact that I do not mind him seeing her but I do not want to be there without sounding crazy?

My best friend is a man. Straight, attractive, lots of lovely qualities. And although I know, hes attactive I have NEVER been attracted to him myself. And im as certain as I can be hes never been attracted to me. We've been friends since our teens.

We watch movies, occasionally have a meal, drink, pub quiz, walks... no different to being with my female friends except hes less interested in pretty dresses. His wife has never been bothered, she occasionally is there. If I invite him round and shes free, shes always welcome and sometimes joins us. Shes a lovely woman, and I get on well with her.

What im saying is, it can be fine. No different to any other friend or it can be a problem and youll only know if you take some of the opportunities to know her. Becauae if she is his bestie she will be interested and invested in the partner making him happy, and pleased to know you.

I was having this debate the other day. Personally, I don’t have any male friends (even when I was single) that weren’t gay. Because my personal experience is that whenever you are just friends with a man- there is always a slight agenda from either party or someone develops feelings etc etc. Even if it’s not ‘sexual’ attraction - I’ve personally found that there is always a ‘what if’ aspect from either parties. I think it’s different if you are friends with a man because they are your female friends boyfriend or husband and you yourself have a husband / boyfriend. That’s different too.

That being said, I can have friendly conversations and receive good daily advise from mail colleagues and there is literally no other feeling there other than a friendly exchange. But they aren’t friends so it’s different. I wouldn’t ever see them outside of the workplace.

same for my husband - he doesn’t have any girl ‘ friends’. I know he has female colleagues that he gets on with - but again, he doesn’t see them outside of work.

I know many people will say that they have platonic relationships - and I’m sure that’s genuinely the case. I’m just saying from my personal experience - there’s always been feelings from one party or an agenda so my male friends are all gay.

Edit - Male** colleagues (no idea why I spelt as mail!)

Absolutely… I’m living proof…. My best friend from aged 3 - 18 was a guy, we did everything together. Went to scouts together, we went to different high schools but still saw each other nearly every week. I had to kiss him once for a dare and it was like kissing a brother, it was dreadful. People used to tease us, that we were boyfriend/ girlfriend despite us stating that was not the case. Jokes on them now because he’s gay and has been since he was 18. We are still friends, message every now and then, keep in contact on socials but he’s lived in Australia the last 10 years and barely comes back.

now my partner at work is a male, pretty much best friends, worked together 13 years (with others the first few) now it’s mostly us with a few stragglers here or there. No romantic feelings, share advice. We both have spouses and each of us have 2 kids same ages. We talk about everything, sex, sports, tv, gaming, relationships, medical problems, you name it, we talk about it. We spend so many hours together just us, we have the time. My boyfriend has no issues just as I have no issues with his best friend who is a girl.

Out of interest do they have children?

Of course they can be friends. One of my oldest best friends is a man. I’ve know him for 40 odd years. We snogged once as teenagers, realised that there was nothing there and have been friends ever since.

No. They dont and they wont as far as I know. Just a very spoilt dog

DH has a best friend who is female. She is fab and I like her very much. Sometimes we all go out - her husband is lovely too. Two of my greatest friends are male. One I go out with, go on days out with doing an activity and adore - but not in that way. I am out with his wife over the weekend as we have become close too. Here is is very normal and has never been complicated.

You don't have ANY male friends? At all?
If she's a longstanding friend and they've both been single, chances are they've had the opportunity to hook up and they haven't, because they're just not into each other. Don't see something that isn't there just because she's female - it makes you seem incredibly unreasonable.

My personal opinion- no, not a true deep friendship.

I’ve always had male friends, and they are dear to me. Have they tried it on at some point? Yes. But I make it clear I just want friendship. I do think a lot of men would sleep with their female friends in a heartbeat and are playing the long game. But they do appreciate female friendship too.

Sure, I’ve had the odd male friend make a pass, too. When it’s happened, I’ve just said I wasn’t interested, and we’ve gone on as before. It’s not a cardinal sin for me, any more than any of the other minor misunderstandings or disagreements that occur in decades-long friendships.

Not a sin for me either, I like having their friendship too much, so as long as I make it clear I’m not interested. I think it’s natural men will try it on with women they get on with whereas as a woman I can easily seperate friends and men I fancy. The idea of having sex with a male friend makes me cringe!

of course! I have many male friends that I never and they never saw me in another way than a buddy! I am happily married and I have introduced some of my male friends to my girlfriends and now they are getting married! Happy days!

If DP is drinking so much that he would cheat on his partner with a good friend, it is the drinking level that would worry me, not the friendship. Men and women can and do have platonic friendships.

Look at this from another aspect, are lesbian women not allowed any female friends? And are bisexual women not allowed any friends at all?

I went out last night with my male best friend. Women find him attractive and I can see why but not interested in him that way at all. I love him to bits but I wouldn't want to date him.

My husband and him are happy to go for a drink together. Why not get to know her better?

I had several close male friends for years. Sadly few of them have survived long term relationships and marriages etc as many people have issues with their partner having friends of the opposite sex. Sad really as infidelity genuinely disgusts me and I would never ever knowingly enter into such a thing. DH also has several very close female friends, which is totally fine with me.

Honestly imo if you're going to cheat, you're going to cheat whether or not you have close friends of whatever sex you're attracted to. It'll be a colleague or someone on a night out or whatever it'll be. My family is full of cheaters. Neighbours, nursery workers, colleagues, person who worked at the local chippy. At one point I was worried it was genetic. I actively warned DH off me in case I was tainted 😂 but having been married a decade and met people im attracted to in that time I'm now pretty confident I'm just not the type. The idea of betraying someone like that makes me feel sick.

IME it's rarely someone who is actively and openly friends with both members of the couple, but obviously that can and does happen. Where there's a will there's a way if you're that way inclined. So what's the point in restricting friendships and controlling relationships. Sounds exhausting. If you're the type I would rather you show your true colours and scram. Until then I'll choose to trust the person I'm with.

At the start of the friendship with one of my now close female friends she made it absolutely clear that she would not be interested in me as a partner. I hadn't made a pass or anything else but she is someone I'd think attractive. Very sensible thing to do

My closest and dearest female friend is gorgeous. Indeed my partner said to me that I would be lying if I said I didn't fancy her. Friend is well aware of it (she has got a string of admirers) and isn't concerned at all. She has a brilliant relationship, herself

As you say none of this impacts on the friendships I have with these two women. I am very happy in my relationship and none of this bothers my OH.

I really want to run a poll now:

1. DP began as friend, trust to have opposite sex friendships.
2. DP began as friend, don’t trust to have opposite sex friendships.
3. DP didn’t begin as friend, trust to have opposite sex friendships.
4. DP didn’t begin as friend, don’t trust to have opposite sex friendships.

@moderate I'd be in category 3

Thanks! I’m in category 1 but think 3 is easier to rationalise.

Interesting that you blame your friends' partners as being the cause of these friendships not continuing - maybe it was the friend themself who thought " you know what I'm married now...I need to dedicate my time to my wife and family who are most relevant to my life. I don't have the time or inclination to catch a coffee with Jane.. she's not so important now"

But then that should be as true for John as for Jane.

I don't have any ma