Husband walked out of his job issue

[Flowers76]

We are both 55..My husband has walked out of his job , as they have given him a report saying due to his attitude and adruptness with his words and lack of completing certain jobs correctly they haven given him a warning. If it does continue then it will be a displinary matter..
Well basically he told them where go go ! Literally..

He had this so many times before with previous jobs.i was really hoping this was different as nearly been it it a year.
And yes he does have issues with his attitude, hes the type of bloke that thinks its everyone elses issue..not his..
Weve just sorted our selves out finacially as well, im so mad...
Becouse weve been here before im getting tired of it now..so now again pressures on me to pay all the bills...i cant support him orveven speak to him as so mad , am i wrong ? Ive stuck at jobs in past that reduced me to tears but never walked until i had another job lined up..i would never walk as got bills to pay...just feel like getting to old for all this crap..

He sounds like a self absorbed and very immature wanker. Everything is always everyone else's fault, never his own.

Wouldn't you be rather better off without him around?

Agree with this. I walked out of a job a few years ago as I knew dh would support me temporarily. However when I wanted to do it again recently I don't think he would have been so supportive as he wants/ needs to retire himself so it wouldn't really be fair on him.

I supported my DH in a similar situation OP, wish I hadn’t .
Gather up your self respect and leave

Do you want the rest of your life and your retirement to be with this loser? Leave him. You are still working and will probably be much better off financially without him dragging you down. Does he have friends, or does he treat everyone in his life like rubbish?

This @Flowers76

Your husband is an immature idiot. At 55, he's older and with the current job market, he will struggle to find employment. Unfortunately, he knows he can throw a tantrum at work, and you are there in the background to pick up the pieces. You live in the same house, you can't not pay the mortgage or bills, otherwise it's you that suffers as well.

It sounds like your husband has a poor attitude and hasn't been doing his job competently either. His employer is absolutely correct in giving him a warning. Your husband is too arrogant and pompous to accept that he's in the wrong, and he needs to make changes.

It's a pattern of behaviour, that's not going to change. He will no doubt, at some point, manage to find another job, but the same will happen again in the future.

I can't see how your husband is enhancing your life. He's a drain on your finances and as well as emotionally. If you split, it would serve him right.

Sounds like my exH oddly he was able to hold down a job once I wasn’t around to pay his bills. I guess he’s got no pension either? Cut your losses.

Honestly? I'd not be spending the rest of your life putting up with this shit. Life is too short; you're in your 50s. WTF would you let him destroy your finances again because he won't accept criticism?

I'd tell him you're going to file for divorce in 30 days if he doesn't sort out a new job for himself by that time. And mean it. Protect your own future; you're nearing retirement and he will destroy it with this behaviour.

So what do you put this behaviour down to? Is he a narcissist? Was he brought up to be a spoilt brat? Could he have ADHD? (A lot of people with ADHD have rejection sensitivity disorder, which means their brains assume the worst even with mild criticism).

What’s his behaviour like at home?

My boyfriend struggles staying in jobs for long periods (ADHD, gets antsy) but he doesn’t just quit and shrug.

It’s down to you whether or not you think it’s worth supporting him in trying to figure out what’s going on with him and his MH, but I think I’d leave if this is a constant stress in your life.

What a knob. Why on earth are you still with him? Sounds like an utter child.

Well I wouldn’t be staying in a relationship like that. What a petulant man child.

At 55 he isn't going to change now.
He is immature can't control his attitude or his anger .. I had a relationship with someone like this life was chaotic they're only thinking of themselves in fact they're not even thinking .
Can you or would you do life alone instead of having to take on this man's immature outbursts that impacts your life aswell.
I couldn't be with someone like this.

The only way he will get a job that doesn’t give negative feedback is if he bucks his ideas up and be better at his job.

As others have said, at your age,’you need to be seriously looking at your retirement. Don’t let him ruin it for you.

You can't go on like this OP. What's the housing situation? I think you need to make a decision or the rest of your life will be more of the same, and at 55 that's no joke.

Well hes spent the day in bed so far, with a headache, while im off soon to my second job.

The way I would resent him forevermore. How utterly selfish.

I think you would watch him miraculously be able to hold down a job for longer than a year, if you were no longer providing him with a roof over his head while he lies in bed sulking.

He's 55, he's not going to change. If you stay with him prepare for this current unemployed phase to be permanent.

Cut him loose, start over on your own, the peace will be unmatched.

The only excuse that I know of for this is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which often comes with neurodiversity, but I am TIRED of everybody saying "Maybe he's neurodiverse" to explain men doing shitty things, and funnily enough ND women with RSD don't tend to have the same issue biting their tongue so I lose sympathy🙄

Every word of this.

Give him some negative feedback. He needs to hear the truth and start taking it on the chin. If he can't deal he knows where the door is. I bet he won't though. He'll loose his safety net. Hopefully he will listen and start stepping up.

My DH did this to me once. The kids were at a child minders so he stopped work and I had to find £20k for child minding while he sat on his arse.

I told him in mo uncertain terms he either looked after then or fucked off. He then replayed it back to me saying I'd have a better career than him anyway. It was true but still. We were in our early 30's at the time.

I just don't get how he's in his 50's and still doing this. And you have to pick up.

Honestly you don't need an adult child or cock lodger so get rid.

Sounds like a total wanker to be honest!
Why not surprise him and say 'you're on your own now, and I'm not bailing you out'.

I can only presume he had other attractions when younger, or did you just settle for the dregs?

You deserve better. He does this because he know you will bail him out. My ex husband was exactly like this. He is someone else’s problem now. He’s a leech and a selfish prick. Leave him at least temporarily to give him a shock.

I’m going to try and bring some balance… at the risk of being jumped.
Is he always finding similar jobs in similar sectors? Because I do think toxic workplaces can bring out the absolute worst in you. I’m not surprised he’s in bed with a headache. Personally, I’d allow it. I’d say - look. Relax, it’s the weekend. Get signed onto non-means tested JSA tomorrow (they deduct days anyway). Take next week to relax, and throw himself into the job hunt the week after. Does he need a career break? Could he get something low stress and temporary just to keep things ticking over?

Only you will know if the problem is truly him, or if it’s just a tough spot in his life. But I’d be seriously considering a big change with the next job because clearly, this can’t continue.

What industry and level OP? Front line work, requiring qualifications etc

I’m HR and he sounds like a very common type of narcissistic older men.