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Original poster

Cheating Husband

121 replies

Eloramum · 04/02/2026 16:44

Hello my fellow mums,

i have an issue i would like some advise on.

My husband and i had a pregnancy termination in 2024. I really had no idea how much that would affect my mental health, i went in to be depressed for about 18 months. I would have anger outbursts, blame my husband for killing our baby, scream, shout and just couldn't really have sex in those18 months.

i then got pregnant again and things started to improve. I thought after 2 years of these challenges, our relationship was back on track. Turns he has been cheating for a year. He claims he cheated because i was cold, angry and hated him through out this period plus there was no sex.

is this a good reason to cheat? Shouldnt he just have left if it was that bad?

OP posts:
Whydidyougothere · 04/02/2026 16:47

I'm sorry but there's no GOOD reason to cheat. There's good reason to leave a relationship/marriage if you are deeply unhappy but not to cheat.
You leave not cheat.
I'm sorry this has happened to you.

shimasu · 04/02/2026 16:48

He should have done the right thing and sat down with you and explained his feelings about the relationship and at that time either left or worked on it. Your STBX has no bollocks.

NewYearNewMee · 04/02/2026 16:50

I mean tbh if my DH was having anger outbursts, blaming me for killing a baby, screaming + shouting etc I’d have left. I can understand why he sought solace elsewhere (I don’t agree with it, but I can see his reasoning behind it). It’s probably one of the more understandable reasons I’ve seen on here!

Did you ever talk about that time? It sounds like you were quite honestly quite abusive (from the OP), suffering from depression is terrible but obviously treating someone like that is too. Did you both come to an understanding about what had happened? Did you explain how it impacted you and did he explain his side? Perhaps he felt like he couldn’t leave you when you were in such a way? You do hear that often from people.

shimasu · 04/02/2026 16:53

Nah! he's flipping the guilt.

LittleCrumblyBiscuit · 04/02/2026 16:55

No matter what problems there are in a relationship, there is no excuse for cheating. Do not let him make you think this is your fault. It is a selfish and cowardly choice that he made, instead of dealing with his marital difficulties with maturity and respect. All him.

Ohnonononotagain · 04/02/2026 16:57

NewYearNewMee · 04/02/2026 16:50

I mean tbh if my DH was having anger outbursts, blaming me for killing a baby, screaming + shouting etc I’d have left. I can understand why he sought solace elsewhere (I don’t agree with it, but I can see his reasoning behind it). It’s probably one of the more understandable reasons I’ve seen on here!

Did you ever talk about that time? It sounds like you were quite honestly quite abusive (from the OP), suffering from depression is terrible but obviously treating someone like that is too. Did you both come to an understanding about what had happened? Did you explain how it impacted you and did he explain his side? Perhaps he felt like he couldn’t leave you when you were in such a way? You do hear that often from people.

I can understand why he sought solace elsewhere (I don’t agree with it, but I can see his reasoning behind it). It’s probably one of the more understandable reasons I’ve seen on here!
I totally disagree with this.

OP was suffering from mental health issues which affected her behaviour and you are actually saying that gave her H carte blanche to lie to her, to cheat on her, and break their wedding vows. Unbelievable

If he couldn't support OP the answer wasn't to cheat. It was to be open about how he was feeling and end the relationship.

BreakingBroken · 04/02/2026 16:59

there’s never a good reason to cheat.
he should have discussed the issues and ended the marriage before looking elsewhere.
he’s spineless and most likely gaslighting you.

Jellybunny56 · 04/02/2026 17:00

NewYearNewMee · 04/02/2026 16:50

I mean tbh if my DH was having anger outbursts, blaming me for killing a baby, screaming + shouting etc I’d have left. I can understand why he sought solace elsewhere (I don’t agree with it, but I can see his reasoning behind it). It’s probably one of the more understandable reasons I’ve seen on here!

Did you ever talk about that time? It sounds like you were quite honestly quite abusive (from the OP), suffering from depression is terrible but obviously treating someone like that is too. Did you both come to an understanding about what had happened? Did you explain how it impacted you and did he explain his side? Perhaps he felt like he couldn’t leave you when you were in such a way? You do hear that often from people.

Sort of agree with this. Cheating is never right, he should have left, but even from your own description he may have felt he couldn’t have left at the time.

Jellybunny56 · 04/02/2026 17:01

Ohnonononotagain · 04/02/2026 16:57

I can understand why he sought solace elsewhere (I don’t agree with it, but I can see his reasoning behind it). It’s probably one of the more understandable reasons I’ve seen on here!
I totally disagree with this.

OP was suffering from mental health issues which affected her behaviour and you are actually saying that gave her H carte blanche to lie to her, to cheat on her, and break their wedding vows. Unbelievable

If he couldn't support OP the answer wasn't to cheat. It was to be open about how he was feeling and end the relationship.

Show quote history

Can you genuinely say you would have felt comfortable ending a relationship with someone in the state OP describes herself being in? Without worrying for her life?

NewYearNewMee · 04/02/2026 17:10

@Ohnonononotagain no I am not giving carte blanche at all - I actually said in my post “I don’t agree with it”.

Ohnonononotagain · 04/02/2026 18:13

NewYearNewMee · 04/02/2026 17:10

@Ohnonononotagain no I am not giving carte blanche at all - I actually said in my post “I don’t agree with it”.

Sorry but saying that your partner having mental health problems is an understandable reason for " seeking solice" elsewhere certainly sounds like you are excusing his behaviour and that you think cheating in these circumstances is a normal reaction.

NewYearNewMee · 04/02/2026 18:19

@Ohnonononotagain 😒 I didn’t say that at all. I am not excusing any behaviour, I even said in that situation I’d have left.

What I did say was out of all of the crappy reasons people have given for cheating, being blamed for the death of a child, screamed at, being subject to anger outbursts etc it was more of an understandable reason for him cheating. That doesn’t excuse it at all, but there’s definitely times when people do things we disagree with but the reasons they did it do make sense when looking at it objectively.

Ohnonononotagain · 04/02/2026 18:22

Jellybunny56 · 04/02/2026 17:01

Can you genuinely say you would have felt comfortable ending a relationship with someone in the state OP describes herself being in? Without worrying for her life?

Show quote history

If he wanted to end the relationship and feared for OP's mental health then he should have ensured she had a support system in place.

If he genuinely was concerned about her he should have been supporting her and not running off to have sex with another woman. What happened to " in sickness and in health" ? Or are marriage vows conveniently forgotten when the going gets tough?

He has followed a well documented path of bailing out when his wife became ill.

Catza · 04/02/2026 18:23

shimasu · 04/02/2026 16:48

He should have done the right thing and sat down with you and explained his feelings about the relationship and at that time either left or worked on it. Your STBX has no bollocks.

I've been cheated on so I am the last person to condone it. However, it doesn't sound as though OP was in any state to converse with. I can also see how he would have been reluctant to leave her in this state as well. The only choice he had was to stick around and ride it out. I honestly don't know how I would have handled being in the same situation in OP's husband's shoes.

Starlight7080 · 04/02/2026 18:23

Its not an excuse. He should have left. It sounds like a very hard time for both of you .
But he has obviously made it worse by cheating. Whist planning on and then having a baby. Thats awful .

Jellybunny56 · 04/02/2026 18:25

Ohnonononotagain · 04/02/2026 18:22

If he wanted to end the relationship and feared for OP's mental health then he should have ensured she had a support system in place.

If he genuinely was concerned about her he should have been supporting her and not running off to have sex with another woman. What happened to " in sickness and in health" ? Or are marriage vows conveniently forgotten when the going gets tough?

He has followed a well documented path of bailing out when his wife became ill.

Edited
Show quote history

It is fascinating the difference in expectations between men and women here then.

Countless threads on women in abusive relationships cheating get hundreds of replies saying essentially don’t feel guilty, he deserves it. Those same women who’s abusive partners have MH difficulties are told his mental health isn not your responsibility. Here we have a female OP who has been abusive towards her husband for 18 months and not only should he have accepted that but he should also have done XYZ to help despite being shouted at, screamed at etc.

SpongeKnobNoPants · 04/02/2026 18:30

So, are you pregnant right now OP?

outerspacepotato · 04/02/2026 18:33

Do mental health issues and abusive behaviour excuse cheating, which is also abusive behaviour?

I think not.

He could have left before cheating. OP didn't lack capacity so had responsibility for her actions.

Personally, I would have left. I don't stick around for abuse.

Missj25 · 04/02/2026 18:33

Eloramum · 04/02/2026 16:44

Hello my fellow mums,

i have an issue i would like some advise on.

My husband and i had a pregnancy termination in 2024. I really had no idea how much that would affect my mental health, i went in to be depressed for about 18 months. I would have anger outbursts, blame my husband for killing our baby, scream, shout and just couldn't really have sex in those18 months.

i then got pregnant again and things started to improve. I thought after 2 years of these challenges, our relationship was back on track. Turns he has been cheating for a year. He claims he cheated because i was cold, angry and hated him through out this period plus there was no sex.

is this a good reason to cheat? Shouldnt he just have left if it was that bad?

So are you pregnant now OP ?
Did you find out or did he tell you. ?

Parky04 · 04/02/2026 18:36

He should have left you. He should not have to put up with an abusive partner.

ginasevern · 04/02/2026 18:36

He shouldn't have cheated, of course not. But it sounds like an unbearable 18 months. If you've never lived with someone with serious mental illness then it's impossible to imagine the impact it has and you've got no idea if it will ever end. It's unlikely the OP was in any fit state to sit down and converse with him in any rational way either.

Jumimo · 04/02/2026 18:42

There is never an excuse to cheat. If he was unhappy then he should have left, not cheated on his wife.

Usernamen · 04/02/2026 19:02

There is no good reason to cheat, he should have left you first. He’s a coward, like most men.

Original poster
Eloramum · 04/02/2026 20:38

lots of questions about if we spoke about the situation.

we did sit down and talk and i did say i understood and would try make changes. It did start to get better after i got pregnant again but it took a while to improve.

but to be honest, that first year, i was in a daze, i dont remember half of it. I was not kind to him but i was also not kind to myself. Most days i felt like i wanted to die. Being pregnant again is the only thing that saved me.

He asked me to abort, i wanted to keep the baby. Hence why i blamed him. You always think it will be easy, until you do it and then you realise how terrible the grief actually is.

was i easy to live with, no, was i kind, no. But iam really hurt he cheated. He should have left.

now my baby is 6 months old and the woman had contacted me last week and revealed the affair, just when i thought it was all finally going well.

OP posts:
WorriedWilma0 · 04/02/2026 22:20

Was was his reasons for wanting you to abort?