@WhatwouldyoudonowI know this isn’t exactly what you want, but have you looked into a civil partnership? It’s a kind of compromise, I guess.
My particular situation with a long term partner (15+ years) has led me to look into that. Neither of us want to be married - neither have been despite previous long term relationships (his - with his previous partner, who is the mother of his now adult children - far longer than my longest. My child is also now an adult) His youngest, and mine are similar ages and both were teens when we got together, but the last few years a few things have happened which has made me think about the legality of our situation. Mainly around health issues tbh. Mine is not good, he’s older than me but with no health conditions at all. But there’s the possibility of something happening to one of us and - although I don’t believe either his family or mine would ever stop us having access to hospitals etc if something bad happened - but we’d not legally be next of kin so (although he is down as mine in hospital records, along with my child, but I have no real idea if legally that even matters) wouldn’t have the power of decision making, and that concerns me. We don’t share finances - our situation is a bit different, and a bit more complex - but if I’m honest without any financial security it would be difficult for me if something happens to him before me, due to him being older, despite being in much better health than me. I am disabled, and that limits my life in many ways and definitely makes me think about things a lot more.
Sometime in the last 3/4 years - after Covid, and this I think is what suddenly made me think about the legality of our future - I discovered that civil partnerships for same sex couple were coming into law so I suggested that to him. He initially was obviously taken aback by that, as it came out of the blue. He did agree in principle - mainly due to the legalities it afforded us re the health/nok - and we’ve mentioned it a few times since but never got round to it. He’s absolutely not against it in principle at all and said whilst he’s never wanted to be married (same as I never had) he could, in theory, accepts and agrees that it’s different. We’ve not got round to it yet due to a whole mass of other stuff having priority, but I’m still set on it. And I will make it happen! 😀 we don’t even think we’d tell people (our kids, yes, maybe a friend or two) and have no need for a ceremony, guests, party, even a meal to mark it. A quick 10 minutes, ever and done!
Sorry this turned long. Have you looked into this as well? Like my partner (and myself), who are both against marriage, a civil partnership affords you exactly the same legal protections as a wedding would. You wouldn’t be able to call him husband - technically - but obviously you still could, if that was I important to you, but it appears that what is importantly in your situation is being covered legally. This might be something you could consider and do some research and then bring it up with him, emphasising that you wouldn’t be married, the whole husband and wife, having to stand there and declare all extra stuff that doesn’t come with a CP “ceremony”. It’s literally like 5 minutes, barely any different to registering a birth etc. have a couple of people as witnesses, invite anyone you want or nobody at all. You don’t need to have any reception or even have people there to “watch you” (god, I hate the thought of bring that centre of attention anyway!) if he’s not into that part of a marriage ceremony. You can even just do it without telling anyone, or making a big deal of it, and not inviting anyone at all - you can even just pick a couple of random strangers at witnesses; I was very recently one of 2 “Mumsnet” strangers who were witnesses for their marriage ceremony! We were the only two extra people there, and didn’t even meet until about 5 minutes before. Honestly, it was great, and a really lovely ceremony, so as to say it really doesn’t have to be anything big for it still to be special. This was a legal marriage, but was over and done in like 10/15 mins max, and the same as a civil partnership ceremony would be. I don’t know, just consider it 🤷🏼♀️
I wish you good luck in whatever your future becomes.