She wants kids at 46 and doesn't call

[Italianmower]

I recently met a wonderful 46-year-old woman(I am m36), and while we’ve only had two dates, our connection is intense; she is a beauty and a very fascinating person. We met twice and I travelled for a month but we message constantly, and I even picked up a bottle of her favourite wine while travelling, which led to an invitation for dinner at her place tomorrow. However, I’m navigating two specific hurdles and would appreciate some female perspective.

1 - she relies heavily on lengthy voice notes, sometimes up to 30 minutes long 🙄which makes it difficult to track every detail when it comes to responding. Despite my hints and a few missed calls to her, she seems to action my suggestion for real-time phone conversations. How can I gently suggest switching to calls without dismissing her preferred way of communicating or sounding too keen to do calls(maybe she has a valid reason for this?).

2 - she recently mentioned being ready for children(she rushed over this topic I could not even address it). Given her age and some issues people face conceiving at such an age, I’m conscious of the potential complexities and costs involved, such as IVF, which I’m not prepared to pursue if it ever comes to it(no i am not assuming she would expect me to fund it but it is likely a mutual thing for those who do it). I’m personally neutral on having kids; if she was young, I would likely not have any reservations down the road(not saying being young means it is easy to conceive for everyone), but I don’t want to respond in a way that feels harsh , judgemental or dismissive.

How should I best address these topics during our dinner tomorrow?
FYI some may say, it is too early to talk about this; personally I date with intention at this stage and so does she so it is crucial to talk about these things early.

I've just asked my (male) partner of almost 30 years what he'd think/do if we were apart and I sent him a 30-minute voice note rather than, say, a text or an email. He said he'd think I'd lost either the use of my hands, or my marbles, and would call me back and ask WTF???

Fellow chap here, run my friend - it's downright bonkers to be thinking of children after 2 dates.

Her method of communication is all "look at me"

My hunch would be she is viewing you as a method of fertilisation, she sounds like a narcissist, she is not interested in you, if she was you would have actual two way conversations.

It has epic disaster written all over it. I would get out now, you are thinking below the waistline, and that doesn't end well.

I assumed she would.

No one thinks it’s easy to conceive naturally at 46.

You are not thinking with you actual brain. Try to detach and 'see' this situation before you sleepwalk into disaster.

If you go there, wear two condoms and a pint of spermicide jelly and ask yourself what needs changing in your life that you are even considering this woman as a prospect.

You sound absolutely bonkers.

I wouldn't address it after 2 dates. At 46 she's missed the boat.

Mate, she's a fucking nutter. Run far and fast, blocking as you do so. Never stick your dick in crazy. I've known women like this and they will destroy everyone in their path. Including you.

She wants to get pregnant.
Make sure to use condoms.

@YourWildAnt

Lots of men have children approaching 50 🤷‍♀️

OMG run for the hills. >>> 🏃

30 minute voice notes, and wanting a baby at 46! Nooooooooooooo! 😱

Avoid, delete, BLOCK!

My tuppence - it's a lot of pressure on a relationship to start trying for a baby immediately but at 46 she wouldn't want to wait around. You would barely really know each other yet.

Second, the chances are low even with IVF.

Third, if you are honestly neutral about having kids (what does neutral mean? Do you really mean, you would like them but with someone younger? Honestly that's fair enough) then you need to be honest with her early on so as not to waste her time. Its not an easy conversation but otherwise its the elephant in the room. I'd much rather know at the start. You're both adults etc. You're perfectly allowed to want kids with someone younger.

Not 'lots.' It's a relatively low amount. Even so, this is a case of just because you CAN do something, that doesn't neccessarily mean you SHOULD do it.

Having a baby in your late 40s (or older) is one such thing.

Honestly you had two dates and she talking children. So many red flags here!

Did you use AI to write this? So many unnecessary words.

The title of this thread is priceless. It’s kind of like clickbait level

I have nothing against age gaps - my boyfriend being younger, actually - but she sounds immature and maybe like she’s not being fully honest?

If she can talk that much there’s no reason she can’t pick up a call (unless… she’s not alone). Her being Italian means 0, I’m from a similar garden variety and don’t know a single person that does this. 30min!!

Plus the “ready at 46” is a massive red flag, not only in men but in women. I agree with a PP, she sounds self involved.

Imagine the conceited self absorption required to waffle on for 30 fucking minutes, uninterrupted with no feedback. Tell her to start a YouTube channel and close the comments if she wants a captive audience 😂

She sounds like a total non starter, I think you are being blinded by being desperate to shag her tbh.

Ooft, she sounds intense.

??????? I feel like I’ve missed something here?! Please explain??

You lost me at 30 min voice notes

i barely listen to voice messages full stop- only when I have to, so id have to say sorry I don’t really listen to voice messages if it’s important and I don’t pick up please text thanks. Even voice to text would be better.

but a 46 year old woman wanting children is delusional. I get wanting them, but you have to recognise it’s too late.

I know right. The longest voicenote I have ever sent is 2 and a half minutes! My DC occasionally send me similar length ones. But like, 2-3 times a year tops.

On WhatsApp, you have to hold down the record button all the time you are speaking (to create the voicenote.) If you let go, the recording stops and the message automatically sends... How does anyone keep their finger on the record button for 30 minutes?

Unless she is sending it through messages? Maybe that is different?

100%. Having a new baby at 46 is ludicrous.

.

We’re all different. I prefer direct conversation, though obvs kind and sensitive:

1. How can I gently suggest switching to calls without dismissing her preferred way of communicating or sounding too keen to do calls(maybe she has a valid reason for this?). Just ask why she uses voicemail instead of calling when she has 30 mins to spare. And why she leaves such long voicemails. Explain you’d prefer calls instead, as a 30 min voicemail is a lot to listen to/take in. It’s the length of a TV show FFS!
2. I’m personally neutral on having kids; if she was young, I would likely not have any reservations down the road(not saying being young means it is easy to conceive for everyone), but I don’t want to respond in a way that feels harsh , judgemental or dismissive. No need to have a deep convo about kids after two dates. Just enjoy each other’s company and see how it goes. Unless she’s urgently looking for a sperm donor, kids are presumably way down the line. If she asks you again, as above, tell the truth: you haven’t ruled out kids but are in no rush. Be clear, e.g. you wouldn’t want kids until you’re settled with someone (living together/married). Presumably, that’d be your answer whatever her age. If that’s too long for her (likely) she’ll say so.

Overall, you seem a bit in awe of her. It’s sweet you like her so much. And definitely sounds like it’s a relationship worth giving a go. But don’t let your judgement be clouded because she’s older and ‘a beauty’. If she was plain and same age as you, but same personality, would you like her as much? Beauty fades. If looking for a long-term partner, personality, plus shared values, goals and lifestyle are more important.

OP, she's not interested in you as a person. She might not realise this yet, but that's why you feel the conversation is so one sided. Also, she's not considerate if she leaves you voice notes that long. I like talking but I very rarely do voice notes as a lot of people find voicenotes tedious to listen to.

This^^
run, those red flags 🚩 are waving