She wants kids at 46 and doesn't call

[Italianmower]

I recently met a wonderful 46-year-old woman(I am m36), and while we’ve only had two dates, our connection is intense; she is a beauty and a very fascinating person. We met twice and I travelled for a month but we message constantly, and I even picked up a bottle of her favourite wine while travelling, which led to an invitation for dinner at her place tomorrow. However, I’m navigating two specific hurdles and would appreciate some female perspective.

1 - she relies heavily on lengthy voice notes, sometimes up to 30 minutes long 🙄which makes it difficult to track every detail when it comes to responding. Despite my hints and a few missed calls to her, she seems to action my suggestion for real-time phone conversations. How can I gently suggest switching to calls without dismissing her preferred way of communicating or sounding too keen to do calls(maybe she has a valid reason for this?).

2 - she recently mentioned being ready for children(she rushed over this topic I could not even address it). Given her age and some issues people face conceiving at such an age, I’m conscious of the potential complexities and costs involved, such as IVF, which I’m not prepared to pursue if it ever comes to it(no i am not assuming she would expect me to fund it but it is likely a mutual thing for those who do it). I’m personally neutral on having kids; if she was young, I would likely not have any reservations down the road(not saying being young means it is easy to conceive for everyone), but I don’t want to respond in a way that feels harsh , judgemental or dismissive.

How should I best address these topics during our dinner tomorrow?
FYI some may say, it is too early to talk about this; personally I date with intention at this stage and so does she so it is crucial to talk about these things early.

People who send long voice notes in lieu of conversations want to talk, not listen.

If she’s ’ready for kids’ at 46, she is not in touch with reality, and won’t appreciate your realty-based thinking.

I think you are right to suspect she’ll respond by taking offence.

Either she doesn’t think the same biological constraints the rest of us live with should apply to her, in which case she’s bonkers, or she’s in denial about her age and still has an idea that she’s 23 at heart and that’s all that matters. Or, she’s laying a trap by making this suggestion super lightly, so that you will respond thoughtfully with your concerns, and she can feel justified in being furious / hurt and your having to atone forever.

Just don’t. Save yourself the aggro.

She monologues for 30 minutes and you don't see the narcissism in that?

Its so good you changed your ages for identification reasons however the getting married in Dubai were dubious to begin with Lee and honestly you should have really looked into her past relationships first.
Hope that helps.
head tilt

You sound a bright guy, but what do you get from this relationship with this woman. She seems to have you constantly on the backfoot.

She's far too late to thinking about kids. But you seem to be far to accomodating in indulging her madness, despite your reservations.

I wouldn't be worried about bringing up sensitive topics with her, or sounding harsh. There has to be an element of self-preservation. Get out whilst you can.

30 minute voice notes? Is she streaming a fucking podcast? Jeez, no thanks.

Stay home, drink the wine yourself and order a takeaway! Although I might be curious in your shoes and go to have a nosey. She’s probably got a family or partner though give the refusal to have real time calls. I did assume catfish then realised you’d already met on re reading. Something is up though …..

It’s incredibly rare and comes with risks. The poster will not be having children with this woman but the conversation could be interesting to prove if she’s a complete fantasist or not.

If she sends you 30 minute monologues now, whilst you are in a dating phase, just think of what you're going to get if you had an argument! I could not be arsed. She sounds endlessly self centred.

Imagine the type of parent she’d be, as well, with this level of delusional arrogance.

Children at 46 isn’t a great idea but more importantly children in the first couple of years of a relationship is a really bad idea. Making her 48 before children should even really be discussed and then….. it’s definitely too late.

also with the voice notes - I just say to my friends who send them …… ohhhh that’s over five mins I’ll have to listen later or you can text the highlights. I’d never listen to anything over 10 mins - too busy for that 😂

Clearly you like her, so give it a chance. To be honest just speak to her and ask, it’s better to clarify now everything at very early stage then later on. If you don’t like voice notes, just say you prefer a phone call for a longer conversations over voice notes (tbh I don’t like them either, you need a dedicated time and space to listen to them. You can’t just read a message on a train, at work, on your lunch time, you have to find your earbuds to listen to them, then remember what’s being said for 30 min). Anyway, might not work out for you, but see how it goes. You have a chemistry with her not anyone else.

I’m ten years younger than her and I’d sooner personally remove my uterus than have another kid.

I also do not have the time or energy to be listening to 30 minute monologues.

Get her in the bin.

oh wow - thanks guys, lot of responses than I thought. reading and taking it all in.

Far too much, run for the hills!

I think the first one was 3mins and each time it went over by 3 minutes and now we are at 30mins at times. I have never met someone who does this and I feel pressured to listen incase in one she puts a test at the end to see if i listened.

She actually always apologise each time they are long which makes me realise she knows it's odd

2 dates and your connection is intense?!

She has already mentioned to you about children?!

Come on!

You know what, she is such a fascinating person and I am curious what her place looks like (she was an interior designed and i am building up my house) - I may use her services and keep it professional and the occasional glass of red.😅

🤮🤮🤮🤮

2 dates? She's not even an acquaintance. 30 minute VNs? Jeez! Get rid

Shes not worth the bother

You must reframe this into her, attention serking. You sitting there dutifully listening to her every word as she waxes lyrical about this, that and the other inflates her ego. Don't do it. You life will not be better by listening to her drone on via a recorded message.

🤡

"The voicemail thing - who can talk non stop without any feedback? After two dates too! She sounds odd." She is Italian lol think of Gino D'Acampo, she can talk for hours even in person.

"Just spend some time getting to know each other before planning your forever after." absolutely hence me evening asking how to approach these issues because she is so lovely; even though notes are too long and boring; her voice is mesmerizing but I do not want to just tolerate the dreadful notes

Half an hour voicemail, having children at 46?? She's bonkers and you'd be the same for entertaining it.

oh oh - what have i done now?

To clarify - I meant her professional service and just not consider an actual relationship(I will obviously tell her)

My and DP have been known to leave slightly verbose voice notes to one another but a) that’s after years together and b) we’re talking max 4 or 5 minutes. Personally I wouldn’t listen to a 30 minute voice note telling me the secret to eternal life, let alone the ramblings of someone i’d met twice.