She wants kids at 46 and doesn't call

[Italianmower]

I recently met a wonderful 46-year-old woman(I am m36), and while we’ve only had two dates, our connection is intense; she is a beauty and a very fascinating person. We met twice and I travelled for a month but we message constantly, and I even picked up a bottle of her favourite wine while travelling, which led to an invitation for dinner at her place tomorrow. However, I’m navigating two specific hurdles and would appreciate some female perspective.

1 - she relies heavily on lengthy voice notes, sometimes up to 30 minutes long 🙄which makes it difficult to track every detail when it comes to responding. Despite my hints and a few missed calls to her, she seems to action my suggestion for real-time phone conversations. How can I gently suggest switching to calls without dismissing her preferred way of communicating or sounding too keen to do calls(maybe she has a valid reason for this?).

2 - she recently mentioned being ready for children(she rushed over this topic I could not even address it). Given her age and some issues people face conceiving at such an age, I’m conscious of the potential complexities and costs involved, such as IVF, which I’m not prepared to pursue if it ever comes to it(no i am not assuming she would expect me to fund it but it is likely a mutual thing for those who do it). I’m personally neutral on having kids; if she was young, I would likely not have any reservations down the road(not saying being young means it is easy to conceive for everyone), but I don’t want to respond in a way that feels harsh , judgemental or dismissive.

How should I best address these topics during our dinner tomorrow?
FYI some may say, it is too early to talk about this; personally I date with intention at this stage and so does she so it is crucial to talk about these things early.

Forget it, not a keeper. Cast your net for younger women, 26 is better. 46 year old will be exhausted with kids. 50 with young ones, 66 with 20 year olds. Nooooooo. Plus she looks great now but sleepless nights, body battered by pregnancy plus life, looks go south faster than a migrating flock of birds.

I’m 47 and my kids are 11 and 13. I have literal nightmares about falling pregnant at my age and I cannot begin to imagine raising teenagers in my 60s! Toddlers in your 50s. My god. Delusion aside, I can assure you that she is most certainly not “ready for children” at 46. Run away as fast as your legs will carry you.

What @MamainWonderland said! ^ Toddlers in your 50s. Teenagers in your 60s! 😱 Fuck that shit! 🏃

If it took her until now to think about having children naturally, she must be a bit dopey if she didn’t realise the odds would be against her.

You're incompatible. Forget it and move on to someone more suited to you.

This is far more concerning than the kids stuff tbh

What could the valid reasons be for 30 minute voice notes, I wonder? Are you sure she's not a scammer? I could see how long voice notes would be a good for that sort of thing without wasting too much time building a rapport. You could re use them. The "beauty" and "instant connection" and being "fascinating" sound a bit scammy too.

Hope for your sake I am wrong. You sound like a nice person. But if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

But if she's intenrvon trying, she absolutely should be open about it. Especially given that it's likely to be hard, expensive and unsuccessful

I'm on page 10 and i've only read page 1. Who is sparking these nonsense threads?

Nice bit of misogyny there.

I did, naturally 🙂

She is one needy lady, jesus I can waffle on but think longest VN is 10 mins

She sounds like a massive pain in the arse to be honest.

If forty six is too late to get pregnant then why the fuck are there threads on here saying women should stay on the mini pill in their early fifties just in case. Wish ppl would make their bloody minds up

I thought You could be writing about a family member so I had to go and look up her DOB. It's not, but uncannily accurate.

So with my family member, She is incredibly lonely, probably fair to say has too much time on her hands, and has been badly let down in matters of the heart a couple of long term times.

She is confused as to what she is doing wrong and why she hasn't met (or been able to keep) Mr Right yet. Recently confided when she has the ''children'' discussion, it's pretty much the death bell for a relationship.

For my family member, and perhaps your friend, you need to get past this initial rush of information. Slow it down without slowing down getting to know each other.

Distraction ? Talk about next weekend, movie nights, hikes or food walking tours (depending on your current weather) just anything to move away from the current ''putting the cards on the table'' situation you presently have and keeping yourselves busy while making new discoveries about each other.

Can you shorten the length recording time for the voice messages? I'm not technically minded but maybe thats a possibility.

there's nothing wrong with my family member that won't sort itself out when She finds that ''one'' who loves her in return and I'm going to pick your new friend is the same too.

Good luck whatever you decide to do. Just be gentle if you decide it's too much and you need to remove yourself.... Don't be brutal. My family member has had enough of that to last a life time.

Exactly what I was thinking and exactly how I was going to phrase this thought!!

Also, if she wants biological kids then she would have to start immediately (but even so, unlikely to happen). You don’t sound too keen on adoption.

What a loely post change me for this.

I do think her wording though, about being ready for for kids now that she is 46 gives me a bit of pause. In so far as she's talking about it like it's no big deal. You may be right though. OP should slow things down.

30 minute voice notes ?!

Sorry *Lovely.

Just talk to her. Tell her you like phone calls better than long voice notes and see how she reacts. Does she get angry, standoffish etc? That will tell you alot about her. Your needs matter too. A natural pregnancy at 46/47 with no prior successful pregnancies is unlikely. So, if you two really hit it off you could try and if it doesn't work out, so be it. But make it clear you don't want to go down IVF path/adoptions etc. It's pretty early in the piece to be bringing up babies so I think she might be looking for a breeder if you know what I mean? Having been in a LTR with someone with a similar age difference I can tell you it's hard. Different given that you are over 35 but still won't be the easiest.

A lot of people (myself included) get married in less than 2 years. We definitely spoke about it! I knew he wanted children before our first date…

Stay home, drink the wine yourself and order a takeaway!

Absolutely second this piece of advice. You couldn’t get better. This is absolutely not the relationship for you.

I got stuck at 30 minute voice notes. If someone sent me that I’d assume that they are slightly insane.

"Honey, I love talking to you, but what I love most is our conversation, our dialogue, our give-and-take. When you leave these long messages, I can't give them the attention they deserve, and then I forget about what I wanted to respond to! So please use the voice-mail like a telegram for urgent facts, for planning - and let's save the pleasure of complex exchanges for when we're together."

No idea about the second problem.

Because it is still just possible though a LOT less likely to get pregnant in your late forties although the risk of something going wrong for both the foetus and the mother is massively increased the older she gets.

And nobody particularly wants to have to have an abortion because of an unwanted pregnancy when they could have just stayed on the pill, because although the risk is low she will get pregnant, it's not zero.

But I mean, you already know all this.