She wants kids at 46 and doesn't call

[Italianmower]

I recently met a wonderful 46-year-old woman(I am m36), and while we’ve only had two dates, our connection is intense; she is a beauty and a very fascinating person. We met twice and I travelled for a month but we message constantly, and I even picked up a bottle of her favourite wine while travelling, which led to an invitation for dinner at her place tomorrow. However, I’m navigating two specific hurdles and would appreciate some female perspective.

1 - she relies heavily on lengthy voice notes, sometimes up to 30 minutes long 🙄which makes it difficult to track every detail when it comes to responding. Despite my hints and a few missed calls to her, she seems to action my suggestion for real-time phone conversations. How can I gently suggest switching to calls without dismissing her preferred way of communicating or sounding too keen to do calls(maybe she has a valid reason for this?).

2 - she recently mentioned being ready for children(she rushed over this topic I could not even address it). Given her age and some issues people face conceiving at such an age, I’m conscious of the potential complexities and costs involved, such as IVF, which I’m not prepared to pursue if it ever comes to it(no i am not assuming she would expect me to fund it but it is likely a mutual thing for those who do it). I’m personally neutral on having kids; if she was young, I would likely not have any reservations down the road(not saying being young means it is easy to conceive for everyone), but I don’t want to respond in a way that feels harsh , judgemental or dismissive.

How should I best address these topics during our dinner tomorrow?
FYI some may say, it is too early to talk about this; personally I date with intention at this stage and so does she so it is crucial to talk about these things early.

A 30 minute voice note?! That alone would have me running for the hills as fast as I could!!

Is she Katie Price? She’s just got married at breakneck speed

I’m old enough to be your mother…….and if you were my son I’d be locking you in your room to stop you seeing this “bunny boiler”. And who the fuck leaves voice notes 30 MINUTES long?!?!

Blimey, trying to get yourself pregnant whilst being two dates in with op is not an attractive prospect😂

It just sounds like hard work to be considering IVF with a woman 10 years older, when op isn’t even 100% on board with having kids. Not exactly the thrilling romance of a first date.

Plus 30 minute voice notes (shudder)

2 dates?????

Drink the wine yourself and cancel the date. She’s sounds nuts

Intelligence means being able to a) explain yourself concisely and b) having the self-awareness to know when to shut up 😁she just sounds vaguely self-absorbed to me!

My friend sends me 2 min voice notes instead of a quick text and drives me crazy.

Run! Run like the wind Bullseye!

She doesn’t doesn’t sound fascinating and intellectual, she sounds like a self obsessed bore who loves the sound of her own voice

voice notes is a crazy way to communicate

🚩 Intensity
🚩 30 minute ramblings
🚩 Potential Tests
🚩 Ignores your expressed preference for calls rather than monologues
🚩 You feel intellectually inferior
🚩 Date 2 and she's discussing children already
🚩 Only ready to have child at 46 - that makes no logical sense
🚩 She's 46 and while yes she may still be able to get pregnant (use condoms even if she tells you she's on 53 types of contraception)
🚩 You are indifferent to children in any case

Is she a million times better looking than the women who normally give you attention? Be honest - is that contributing to your insanity? It's the only time I see men ignore really blatant red flags.

Thats so funny

She leaves VN and doesn’t call because she only wants to talk about herself.

OP throw this one back and find someone else.

She sounds psychotic!

Does her phone not transcribe dictation? Ask her to send text using dictation. I do this if I need to explain something and don’t want to type loads.

As for ‘ready for children’ at 46, maybe she’s considering fostering or adopting??

This is the first time I have ever thought this about a male op on mumsnet, but this op seems rather sweet. Aw.

But yeah, no. I promise you the vast majority of women have fascinating things to say about life, but we confine ourselves to short voice notes and men our own age, etc. Move on and find someone more within the normal range

I don't know how to feel about the idea of TED talks being the benchmark of intellectualism but I do know how you should feel about this total loon.

She sounds exhausting just say it and if she flies off the handle you had a lucky escape

Anyone who wants to talk uninterrupted for 30 minutes at a time just likes the sound of their own voice. She doesn’t want to do phone calls because she doesn’t care for your input. This is a one woman podcast !

She will be sticking needles in the condoms!!

Does she have children already? Is it Katy Price?

This

Why would you even want to engage with someone who does something as weird as that?! So what if she does.

This

I saw a TikTok going around a while back where men were saying the ultimate ‘find’ was a TED talk level of intelligence in women 🙃🙄

She talks non-stop for half an hour? What on earth does she find to talk about? She barely knows you, so she must spend the whole time talking about herself. Back away gradually until you get to a safe distance, and then run like hell.

She is a walking drain
She will drain you of energy, your own thoughts, of your own ideas and of you plans
She will drain you of the ability to air opinions
She will drain you emotionally
and worst of all, she will drain your time.

If you're lucky, you will escape eventually, exhausted, jaded and a bit broken.

Or, you can just walk now.