She wants kids at 46 and doesn't call

[Italianmower]

I recently met a wonderful 46-year-old woman(I am m36), and while we’ve only had two dates, our connection is intense; she is a beauty and a very fascinating person. We met twice and I travelled for a month but we message constantly, and I even picked up a bottle of her favourite wine while travelling, which led to an invitation for dinner at her place tomorrow. However, I’m navigating two specific hurdles and would appreciate some female perspective.

1 - she relies heavily on lengthy voice notes, sometimes up to 30 minutes long 🙄which makes it difficult to track every detail when it comes to responding. Despite my hints and a few missed calls to her, she seems to action my suggestion for real-time phone conversations. How can I gently suggest switching to calls without dismissing her preferred way of communicating or sounding too keen to do calls(maybe she has a valid reason for this?).

2 - she recently mentioned being ready for children(she rushed over this topic I could not even address it). Given her age and some issues people face conceiving at such an age, I’m conscious of the potential complexities and costs involved, such as IVF, which I’m not prepared to pursue if it ever comes to it(no i am not assuming she would expect me to fund it but it is likely a mutual thing for those who do it). I’m personally neutral on having kids; if she was young, I would likely not have any reservations down the road(not saying being young means it is easy to conceive for everyone), but I don’t want to respond in a way that feels harsh , judgemental or dismissive.

How should I best address these topics during our dinner tomorrow?
FYI some may say, it is too early to talk about this; personally I date with intention at this stage and so does she so it is crucial to talk about these things early.

I am a similar age; mine are the same.

It's life, it's what happens.

With all that said, I wish you both all the best.

Mouse trap and your going to be the mouse.

You lost me at 30 min voice note.

You obviously find her very interesting and it's okay to see whether you could end up in a relationship with her. But, it can't be one-sided and all on her terms. That's not a healthy foundation for a relationship. Your needs and wants are as important as hers. So assert yourself, set some boundaries and then you'll know if this could work or not.

I mean voice notes of 30 mins as normal, not just a one off life update, is nuts. If she wouldn't tolerate someone talking at her in person for 30 mins straight then no voice notes that long. It's so one sided. The fact she isn't taking hints shows she values her way of doing things more than having a back and forth with you.

You don't want to do ivf and she will most likely have to have ivf (with added issue of embryo donation most likely) to concieve so it sounds like it won't work, you aren't compatible.

End it
I’d have already ended it for the voice notes!
She’s probably too old to have kids (yes it happens for some women in their late 40s but it’s unusual), and it’s not something to rush into

.

She may be perfectly normal nice person. But the voice notes are a tad intense. And you really need to be upfront with her now about small things like that.
As for kids well she has really left it a bit late. And needs to be realistic. Unless you plan on having kids pretty much right away with her

This isn't going to be a relationship, you're going to be her subject - I expect you are required to listen to her raving on, be her yes man and do her bidding. She's ticking boxes for narcissism already and you've only met her twice. I agree that you should run a mile.

A lot of judgement on here OP! Much of it a bit harsh I feel. If she’s an energetic person then why not have kids at 46. She may have frozen her eggs when younger, or she may already be trying with IVF herself. Pregnancy with her own eggs via the natural route is very unlikely at 46. I can promise you though, that this isn’t something that she just thought about when she was speaking to you , It has probably been on her mind for years and she probably has some idea about what she wants to do, and she might want to do it with or without you. Just ask her, say you’re curious what she meant. If she’s already mentioned it, she’ll be happy to talk about it. You can also tell her outright that you’re not going to listen to a 30min voice note, it’s too much. 3 mins is the max I can handle personally! Tell her you prefer written messages that can be more of a conversation. The problem with voice notes is that it’s much easier for the person sending it, they can just rabbit on, but it does create more work for the person listening who has to remember all the points made and then reply in some form.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with giving it a couple more dates and seeing where it goes… You’re clearly attracted to her, what have you got to lose?

A 30 minute voice ‘note’ isn’t a message.
It’s a monologue.
I can talk A LOT but I doubt I could manage a 30 minute ‘note without getting incredibly bored of myself.
As other wise wise women have told you before me -RUN.

No way would I be listening to those voice notes, how tedious!

I think age gap relationships can work well but you need to want the same things. Plus you don’t want to be rushing to have children with someone you don’t know! She is saying I want a serious relationship. Maybe children could include adoption perhaps at some point.
The voice note thing would be annoying. Is it a confidence issue on her part? Maybe the voice notes can reduce and she can talk to you if she stops hiding behind her phone. I think I would bring this up gently but playfully?

Gosh OP. None of this is normal. Just cancel your date and consider yourself lucky.

If you don't want kids don't mess her about. My sisters had children at that age so its not impossible. But if you just want a fun time this is not the woman for you.

Not RTFT but you can get voice to text apps that can turn voice notes/podcasts etc into text. I would be worried though that you've expressing a preference for another form of communication and she's just ignored it and bashed on. I do get some people struggle with some types of communication but then they should be able to understand that that goes for others too.

After 2 dates, frankly I'd run a mile. She sounds desperate so unless you want a baby at all costs, find somewhere else to dine.

This. Way too intense.

If op is still reading, you can click Transcribe on WhatsApp so you can (skim) read the voice note instead. It takes quite a while to load but is worth it.

Please go on the date, at least so you can tell us about it afterwards, this thread is very entertaining

Incidentally, what's her conversation style like in person if you've already met her? Does she ask you things about you or could she talk for 5 to 30 minutes at a time when you're together?!

Yep. Wtf. Ain't nobody got time for that!

Save your sperm.
Go on the date
Report back.

Wrong thread??

My god. Retirement age with kids just starting uni? Madness.

You need to slow down OP- this all sounds incredibly intense. You’ve only had 2 dates.
I detest voice notes but get them for a quick 30 second or so max message but no way would I be listening to a 30 minute rambling. Tell her you don’t like them.

I’d suggest that the intensity of her life musings that seem to appeal to you now will get old very quickly and drive you insane. Do not rush into anything until you find out if this is the case