She wants kids at 46 and doesn't call

[Italianmower]

I recently met a wonderful 46-year-old woman(I am m36), and while we’ve only had two dates, our connection is intense; she is a beauty and a very fascinating person. We met twice and I travelled for a month but we message constantly, and I even picked up a bottle of her favourite wine while travelling, which led to an invitation for dinner at her place tomorrow. However, I’m navigating two specific hurdles and would appreciate some female perspective.

1 - she relies heavily on lengthy voice notes, sometimes up to 30 minutes long 🙄which makes it difficult to track every detail when it comes to responding. Despite my hints and a few missed calls to her, she seems to action my suggestion for real-time phone conversations. How can I gently suggest switching to calls without dismissing her preferred way of communicating or sounding too keen to do calls(maybe she has a valid reason for this?).

2 - she recently mentioned being ready for children(she rushed over this topic I could not even address it). Given her age and some issues people face conceiving at such an age, I’m conscious of the potential complexities and costs involved, such as IVF, which I’m not prepared to pursue if it ever comes to it(no i am not assuming she would expect me to fund it but it is likely a mutual thing for those who do it). I’m personally neutral on having kids; if she was young, I would likely not have any reservations down the road(not saying being young means it is easy to conceive for everyone), but I don’t want to respond in a way that feels harsh , judgemental or dismissive.

How should I best address these topics during our dinner tomorrow?
FYI some may say, it is too early to talk about this; personally I date with intention at this stage and so does she so it is crucial to talk about these things early.

That is a truly disgusting and misogynistic remark.

Sounds like you’re similarly nosey as me 😆. Go and report back on the house and what other random stuff she comes out with. I wouldn’t worry about bringing up the baby stuff. It’s obviously not going to happen but address it if mentioned. Definitely address the voice note thing though. That’s something that’s real! I’d probably still be suspicious it’s a second home and she’s a family or husband in another one

This made me laugh too!

OP is going to go on the 3rd date as he is into her and thinks she is beautiful even though she is clearly bonkers. Plus if its at hers there may be a shag.

(Men essentially make their mind up pretty much within the first date or so if they are going to take you seriously or not).

Please update us if when anything mental happens OP. Avoid leaving anything she could put on a turkey baster.

The responses are making me 🤣

To put it nicely, She sounds bat shit, there are plenty of normal women out there look for one of those before you end up being controlled and manipulated by this woman. Plenty of women have been in your shoes and gotten involved with someone who makes them feel special and are full on. They get sucked in and end up on here asking how they can get away. Usually wirh a baby too.
Listening through voice messages to the end in case it's a test is worrying in itself.

Don't open it. Message her instead - Call if you want to chat.

Also, she might be excited and happy to speak to you. She might want to impress you hence long voice notes. Honestly just see yourself how it goes. To be honest I can talk a lot too, especially at the start of relationship and only with the person I find interesting. I won’t entertain anyone if I cannot be bothered or find a person dull and boring.

Ask her if she means adopting or surrogacy? Does she have frozen eggs? It depends how it comes up, she must know she is quite unlikely to conceive naturally even if everything still seems to be working. And her eggs may not be viable. Donated eggs your sperm and a surrogate would seem like an option, or adopting. But a bit early for these sort of conversations surely.

Don't get involved with her. She's too complex.

Mate……oh Maaaaaate….run , like everyone else has said…x

Well:

1.Hope she is a good cook and does justice to the wine
2.Tell her that you find her fascinating, beautiful etc but you find the podcasts very tricky to deal with and ask if she would contemplate communicating in a more interactive way'
3.Use contraception. 46 yo woman do occasionally get pregnant without assistance (I managed it first go at 43) but 3 dates is nowhere near enough of a relationship to decide to co-parent, however many voice notes you have listened to. Unless you are happy to be essentially a sperm donor with a long responsibility for child maintenance payments
4.Be honest if she discusses kids. Honour our intentional outlook, Say what you said here but that you would not wish to rush into parenthood with someone outside a well established and stable relationship - which could take a couple of years.
5.Use contraception - condoms that you supply.

30 minute voice notes would be it for me. Nobody has time for that. She should get herself a podcast if she wants to monologue at people for that length of time.

I have a friend who leaves long voice notes, I feel your pain and sadly I stopped listening to hers as I found them a bit boring. Although hers are no way near 30 minutes. I know some people prefer this style of communication and many couples communicate this way. It’s personal preference.

…and I feel pressured to listen incase in one she puts a test at the end to see if i listened.

This and other comments you’ve made about her being ‘intellectual’ very much give the impression you’re in awe of her. After two dates. Starting a family at 46 with a man who’s effectively a stranger is an insane idea for all involved (including the future kids) and very much shows her decision making skills are very much lacking. If I were you I’d be backing away from this one.

I certainly wouldn’t make this remark about anyone else, as it’s rude.

But as someone who experienced years of infertility and was told my eggs were ‘badly degraded’, I did always imagine my ovaries as dried gourds full of wizened, desiccated little pips all rattling around.

Bodies are abject sometimes. 🤷‍♀️

By 46 anyone’s eggs are past their best. It’s silly to pretend otherwise. A very few people do conceive naturally around perimenopause as the body makes a last ditch attempt, but for the vast majority, that ship will have sailed many years earlier.

Not necessarily. My aunt fell pregnant naturally at 46. Thought she had a stomach bug it had arms and legs!

🤣🤣🤣

The woman is quite clearly not sane.

I thought she must be Katie Price. She's after getting pregnant at the age of 46 too.

Imagine listening to 30 minute sessions of her terrible monotone 🙄

On mumsnet many have had babies past 46.
My honest advice is run run and run she sounds like a trap waiting to clamp down.
Big red flag.

Run now and keep on running.

Yeah, agree tbh. If we we’re talking about a 30yo… but at 46, it would really have to be miraculous to have a first pregnancy with own eggs/unassisted.

Katie price new hubster?