DH losing his driving license

[Cheesehoundrosie]

I have just found out that DH has lost his driving licence. He received a letter last February but didn't respond to it. We then moved house , he didn't redirect his post. Unknown to him, court case went ahead last November, and his points total resulted in a ban. We were informed by his barrister when he was in court on Friday on another motoring offence. To make things even worse, the car involved in the February offence was being driven by his ex girlfriend - he was leasing the car on her behalf. I am beyond furious and have told him this is a deal breaker. I can't see a way back from this and he is making arrangements to move out. I'm completely in a spin and would welcome any thought on the next steps, should we legally separate?

I don't know many people (if any!) who would lease a vehicle on behalf of an ex partner and give them money. I don't know many women who would be comfortable in accepting help from an ex partner or asking an ex for financial support, especially if he was in a committed relationship/married to someone else and there's no children involved!! This is the kind of support given to a partner, not an ex.

How long was your husband with his ex? Did they live together? Who initiated the split? Was the split amicable? How long was it between them splitting and you getting together? Was the lease taken out prior to you meeting your husband? Before or after you married? How long has your husband been helping his ex financially?

Unless your husband's ex is blackmailing him for reasons unknown...then his relationship with his ex is much closer than he's letting on and is likely having an affair (regardless of his assurances he isn't!).

Leave.

You dont know this man.

He is irresponsible and a liar.

There are no child involved....
I'd be divorcing asap.

So hang on, he lost his licence in Nov but had been driving until his recent court hearing where he heard he’d been banned?? I’m surprised they haven’t thrown the book at him

Failure to disclose the name of the driver of a car who has committed an offence where you are the registered keeper.

One or both could go to jail for that.

One possibility:

DH originally had 3 points before the ex committed the motoring offence in the leased car.
The ex speeds and picks up 3 points.
DH doesn't tell the Police who was driving so in November, in addition to getting the 3 points racked up by the ex, he gets 6 points for not identifying the driver. At that point he's got 12 points.
DH speeds, goes to court, and learns about the above.

Glad to read he is moving out.
He's a loser and will drag you down futher.
This is a blessing as it shows you that his loyalty is elsewhere.
Also he is a complete moron.
Life is too short to tie yourself to one.
Be glad you never inflicted him on a child.

I can’t see any good reason why a married man would be giving money to an ex - especially in regular installments - (and hiring her a car in his name) without discussing it with his wife FIRST.

The person named on the lease contract has to be the primary driver or it’s classed as fronting and he’ll be in a load of trouble for that too. If he was paying for the lease contract on her behalf but it was in her name he wouldn’t have received the fine so there is something not right going on there without adding in why he’s paying for his ex’s car and him losing his licence.
I’d be looking to separate too after finding out all this deception

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this OP. One thing I can guarantee you on with an element of certainty is that there will be more lies about the ex to come out of the woodwork.

I don't understand how you can be married where finances are legally 50/50 and not know where finances are being spent!? Was he illegally hiding money!? You also resent driving him...

Why are you married? He hides things and you don't want to drive him around.

This is bizarre. How has he managed to finance this woman without you knowing!?

Leave the bastard.

Absolutely leave him you weren't together long pre marriage let alone in the marriage.
Get out

The car was in his name and he did not reveal to the court that someone else was driving it. Idiot all round. Which is enough to end the marriage IMHO.

So was she named on the lease as a driver ? If not, it’s fraud and he’s lucky she wasn’t involved in an accident because she wouldn’t have been insured and he’d be in a lot more trouble. I’m assuming he’s taking the hit for the points because declaring her as the driver would bring a ton of shit down on his head. Difficult to know why you’re with him OP, he sounds feckless. There will be a lot more to the ex situation than he’s told you, so I’d let him move out and make arrangements for divorce. You’ll be far better off because he’ll never change.

Please just get rid of him. He has a whole other life you know nothing about. He is disrespecting you by still financing his ex girlfriend. What else is he hiding ?

A lot of couples do not realise that finances (unless otherwise arranged) in a marriage are 50/50, that is, all income belongs to the marriage. He might not show his bank statements or allow access to online banking.

This. There’s much more to this than he’s admitting, and by association, probably much more to the ongoing relationship with his ex.

If he was leasing the car but the ex was driving then she should have to be on the insurance. She should take the points not him.

He’s lying big time. Inorder to be disqualified from driving you have to be physically present in court and the Magistrate bans you. If he was up to 9 points when the ex was allegedly driving he would have been summonsed to court. If he didn’t turn up on the day the court would issue a warrant to get the police to arrest him and drag him into court for him to be disqualified. So, he knew he was disqualified and worse he’s continued to drive whilst disqualified and by definition without insurance. His fantasy story about the ex having the car doesn’t stand up. What else is he up for at court because barristers are only for the Crown court so he’s in deep sheet. Divorce he’s an untrustworthy lying scum bag .

She wouldn't have received the notification about the offence because it went to Idiot Boy instead. Not that that excuses her from speeding or from being the main driver on someone else's leased car.

Sounds like they were well suited to each other.

My guess is not very long ago…if at all an ex! Sorry.

He does all this and you're driving him around? Talk about no consequences for his behaviour.

In newer to your last question Op - Yes you should legally separate.

This man is a liar and a financial liability.

Dump and run .

and also has the best username I've ever seen 🤩

Sorry for your situation OP, what a shitty deal.

Seriously. Kick this one to the kerb. He's a terminal twat.