DH losing his driving license

[Cheesehoundrosie]

I have just found out that DH has lost his driving licence. He received a letter last February but didn't respond to it. We then moved house , he didn't redirect his post. Unknown to him, court case went ahead last November, and his points total resulted in a ban. We were informed by his barrister when he was in court on Friday on another motoring offence. To make things even worse, the car involved in the February offence was being driven by his ex girlfriend - he was leasing the car on her behalf. I am beyond furious and have told him this is a deal breaker. I can't see a way back from this and he is making arrangements to move out. I'm completely in a spin and would welcome any thought on the next steps, should we legally separate?

Bin him.

Such odd behaviour. Should have got rid when finding out about the monthly payments. I dont understand why he got married if he is still so emotionally (at the very least) involved with the ex. People don't do this for 'friends'

That's why the guy feom the lin dems and his wife both went to prison isn't it? Chris someone and vicky someone???

Hour husbad sounds incredibly irresponsible, I don't think I would feel safe married to him - What's he going to fuck up next??

Oh dear - you know this is really bad so you don’t really need to ask MN.
It would be a massive deal breaker for me.
Money, car, secrets, meeting up, etc etc - how many red flags do you want??? 🚩 Dump!

Oh an not to mention the blatant dishonesty and
Disrespect of course....

Vicky Price/Pryce?

If he can afford to sub his ex & lease her a car, he can probably afford a driver/taxis.

I think this is the post that nails the problem.

He then ignores an important letter which was dumb. And then he didn't redirect his post.

Makes me think he deliberately didn't redirect post because there's a load of stuff he wanted to bury his head in the sand about and thought if no one had his address they couldn't chase him.

Then he ends up with another vehicle offence - serious enough to get banned after only one previous offence (he didn't do it).

Strikes me there's a fair chance there's a whole pile more to come out.

Who on earth pays for a car for an ex they don't have kids with?! And doesn't tell his wife about the significance amount of money he must be spending on it? There's a story here.

That's why the guy feom the lin dems and his wife both went to prison isn't it? Chris someone and vicky someone???

Hour husbad sounds incredibly irresponsible, I don't think I would feel safe married to him - What's he going to fuck up next??

Theirs was slightly different - Chris Huhne was driving his car at the time of the speeding offence and then they lied that it was Vicky Pryce.

They got away with it for years (and would never have been caught) had he not had an affair and she told a newspaper journalist as a revenge thing. I assume she didn't realise she was in as much trouble as him for perverting the course of justice.

The OP's husband will have been fined and given points for not declaring the driver and it would be assumed as him. Not quite as serious as Huhne and pryce deliberately lying.

He's paying for his ex's car? How long has that been going on? And previously giving her monthly money, come on now. Why was he involved at court if she was the driver?

That's financial infidelity and I would dump someone for that.

No way would I be chauffeuring a cheater around. I'd be getting my ducks lined up to divorce.

He absolutely can do life admin whrn he wants to - he managed to organise the lease for his ex and to transfer money to her too.

I couldn't put up with someone like him. He lies to you so you can't trust him and a relationship without trust is miserable.

Do you have children with him?
If so, you need a long conversation and his ex must stay just that from now on.

If you don't kick him out.

If you replace "ex-girlfriend" with "current, kept mistress", this scenario suddenly makes sense.

You've been had, OP. Time to divorce.

Has he had the sense to update the vehicle registration to his current address as keeping it registered at his past address can mean a massive fine?

That sort of deception is toxic for a marriage and a reason to be considering divorce on its own. The incompetence over life admin and what seems to be a reckless approach to driving (as so many points that he losses his license and was in court on another motoring charge) that puts costs on you is also seriously unattractive. And giving money to an ex on a regular basis? That’s a big red flag to. If you haven’t been together for 5 full years yet the I would consider trying to divorce ASAP so you are less likely to have to share assets with him.

We are none of us perfect and he may have redeeming qualities. But that’s an awful lot of being shit at being a partner for a proper grown up.

Op my issue with this would be

Leasing a car for an ex.... WHY?
And then not telling you about that he had done that. That is a big deal.

Then not knowing he was going to court, I find that so hard to believe that his ex would not tell him about this, if they were so close for him to lease a car out to her that is. And just keep that under wraps till you found out.

Then loosing his license and telling you it was his ex's fault, which I find just does not add up, only for him to accumulate further offences, sigh.

Stick to your decision, this one is not only an adult admin trouble, but also somethings smells fishy here, make sure your own finances are alright, and that he is not renting a car out in your name to such and such, who knows, he needs the ride now, but hopefully not on your expense. Daft man

@selffellatingouroborosofhate
has hit the nail on the head OP.

Sounds like it was the straw that broke the camels back situation.

Forget the license stuff, I know it's dangerous and terrible, but many people do lose their license at some point, learn from it and go on to be good people. My DH lost his twice, once right at the very beginning of our relationship (as in the offences occurred before we met) and again about 8 years in. Slow learner, but did learn his lesson as that was more than 30 years ago.

It's the ex and the lease and the lying and deception and him giving her money. You need to get to the very, very bottom of that and find out what's going on. Then decide if he's worth having in your life.

So did he get banned in November and didn’t know it and then racked up another driving offence whilst banned (without realising)?

Then within all that it’s come to light that he was giving money to an ex and then leasing a car for her whilst you’ve been together without you knowing?

The actual car/motoring offences stuff is just noise. The signal is: he’s a duplicitous scumbag and you need to leave.

If you’re going to stay married you need a lot of conversations.

Tbh he sounds as if life is a major challenge for him. I think you will need to be the leader in the relationship. It doesn’t t sound as if he should ever drive, I can’t see him being able to look after kids appropriately if he’s this poor at decision-making, admin etc. Does he work?

What made you think he was the one for you?

No way i’d want to be in a relationship with someone who is regularly in court for motoring offences. Does he think you’ll be driving him around as he lost his license as his ex girlfriend was speeding in the car he leased for her behind your back? I can’t see a single reason to stay with this guy. Move on, you deserve much better than him.

What did you get married for if you are considering getting unmarried at the first sign of trouble? Did you not know he was bad at life admin before you committed to him as your life partner?

Yup say its a deal breaker for you which is good. It should be. He is far too invested in his ex and he is a liar.

He sounds like an idiot. Possibly a cheating idiot.

No doubt you will be better off without him. 💐