DH losing his driving license

[Cheesehoundrosie]

I have just found out that DH has lost his driving licence. He received a letter last February but didn't respond to it. We then moved house , he didn't redirect his post. Unknown to him, court case went ahead last November, and his points total resulted in a ban. We were informed by his barrister when he was in court on Friday on another motoring offence. To make things even worse, the car involved in the February offence was being driven by his ex girlfriend - he was leasing the car on her behalf. I am beyond furious and have told him this is a deal breaker. I can't see a way back from this and he is making arrangements to move out. I'm completely in a spin and would welcome any thought on the next steps, should we legally separate?

Yup.

It's the actual driver at the time of the incident who receives the penalty points and fine. The registered owner (keeper) is legally required to identify the driver and if they don't they get the points.

If he leased the car, he was the registered owner. If she was driving, he broke the law by not identifying her as the driver.

He's a prize idiot.

My friends husband lost his licence because he crashed the car pissed. Although she managed to get over that part he was banned for two years and that almost broke their marriage apart. She had to do absolutely everything that needed anyone driven. Every kids party and after school activity. Every time they needed to get something from a shop. Every time anybody needed to go to the dentist, train station etc. She was demented.

But I’m guessing he already had points before he got the ex’s additional points and then he was in court again last week for another offence so he would have lost his license last week anyway.

Was one of the offence last week driving without a license?

It really doesn’t sound like he should be driving, quite apart from the ex issue. He already had lots of points prior to February and he’s been caught again since. Him being off the road sounds like a win to me.
Leading a car for the ex in 2025 when you’ve been together since 2021 is the bit I’d struggle to get past. Was he paying? Or maybe she had a poor credit score? It’s very underhand.

The deception is especially painful. He says there is no affair but he had previously been giving her money every month, which again I did not find out about for some time. Yes I can drive but I am a very law abiding person and am not happy about accompanying him to court. Not impressed about being his chaueffeur.

Do you have very seperate finances. I can’t imagine the car lease was cheap.

Can you see yourself growing old with this man?

And if you don’t, what are you waiting for…

He sounds like such a prince!

What was his most recent offence? If he’s got a Barrister than I’m guessing it’s serious.

The paying for a car for the ex is a massive red flag too

Does she have any children?

He'd been subbing her monthly income without telling you but they'd never been married and no kids involved? That's mad.

In answer to your original question, "should we legally separate?" my answer would be yes. You need to separate your finances for a start. Have you checked your credit rating lately?

Yes. Leave him

He still wouldn’t get the points. He had to inform them of who was driving. Taking points for her is a crime.

What other motoring offence was he is for recently?

Why was he leasing a car for an ex girlfriend? An affair?

I hope you’re divorcing.

He didn’t respond to the letter he was sent which would’ve been asking him to name who was driving so the court case went ahead without him and he’s now got the points as they have reasonably assumed as the car is leased by him it must’ve been him.

Unless there were mitigating circumstances such as illness or something this mess would be an absolute deal beaker for me

Next steps are to find a lawyer and get divorce proceedings started

did he already have points on his licence because not naming the driver is normally 6 points and big fine and the code is MS90 I think for insurers which means they don’t actually know what you have done so insurance goes through the roof

I can’t see him getting a ban unless he hav more points

Bloody hell op - bin him. Nothing else for it.

Even if you did end up staying with him, please don't be his chauffeur.. because he'll never learn.

I should imagine though it's going to be hard to come back from the broken trust, with the car, the money subbing and the ex. Sorry OP, sucky time.

How long is the ban? Does he need a car for his job? I wonder if he's been trying to do a kind thing but is clueless how it comes across rather than malicious.

Presumably the car was registered and insured at your address to, so that would be another misdemeanour. Strange a man married to one woman would be paying to lease a car for another woman and giving her money too, given no children are involved.

As he never received the documents he can contact the court and ask about swearing a statutory declaration. That would effectively cancel the court result and then the case will potentially be re heard. When I dealt with them if the address on the stat dec was different to the original correspondence, for failing to name the driver offences they generally wouldn’t be re listed.

Why did he marry you when he he still clearly heavily involved with his ex?

I think you need to have a massive conversation with him as to how much he values your relationship. He should have given up the girlfriend and not be muddling along in this manner getting more and more into trouble. You're far too good for him.

Wow

yes leave him

what is the point of this relationship?
sounds as thought you’ll just be adopting a useless boy

I would definitely not longer be living with or staying married to anyone that was subbing their ex partner when there are no DC involved to the extent your DH is.

Your DH is responsible for the car and there's every possibly more driving offences will come his way via the ex, which he really doesn't seem to need help with as he's doing a grand job on his own.

What if the ex writes the car off he'll still be responsible for outstanding payments.
What if she sells it?

Due to how he lost his licence I definitely wouldn't be his chauffeur either.

He was happy to leave you out of this arrangement with his ex then so tell him he can leave you out of it now.