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Original poster

DH losing his driving license

137 replies

Cheesehoundrosie · 25/01/2026 21:04

I have just found out that DH has lost his driving licence. He received a letter last February but didn't respond to it. We then moved house , he didn't redirect his post. Unknown to him, court case went ahead last November, and his points total resulted in a ban. We were informed by his barrister when he was in court on Friday on another motoring offence. To make things even worse, the car involved in the February offence was being driven by his ex girlfriend - he was leasing the car on her behalf. I am beyond furious and have told him this is a deal breaker. I can't see a way back from this and he is making arrangements to move out. I'm completely in a spin and would welcome any thought on the next steps, should we legally separate?

OP posts:
Theonlywayicanloveyou · 26/01/2026 06:01

Mapletree1985 · 26/01/2026 05:42

What did you get married for if you are considering getting unmarried at the first sign of trouble? Did you not know he was bad at life admin before you committed to him as your life partner?

Show quote history

Did you not read the whole thread? He’s been lying about financial involvement with ex too

MikeRafone · 26/01/2026 06:04

I’d suggest if you don’t want to be his chauffeur

he gets an electric bike, it’s limited to 15mph but at least he can get around

as for the deception & funding another woman with a monthly allowance- that’s not a normal situation.

id not want to be living with a man who is funding another woman

TheMorgenmuffel · 26/01/2026 06:16

Theonlywayicanloveyou · 26/01/2026 06:01

Did you not read the whole thread? He’s been lying about financial involvement with ex too

Show quote history

Spot on.
When the "first sign of trouble" is finding out he's spending money on his ex then fucking bail away!!!

Iwiicit · 26/01/2026 06:26

He sounds like a complete man-child.
Ask yourself...
Is this a loving, honest, supportive husband? Are you his number one priority? Is he enhancing your life? Or ...
Is this a dishonest, duplicitous, untrustworthy scumbag who is draining your energy and self-respect?
I will be brutal but my honest opinion is that you should get out now. Do not waste any more of your life being depleted and undermined by his inadequacies. Know your own worth.

SparklyGlitterballs · 26/01/2026 06:36

This is bit of a no brainer for me. The fact he's previously given his ex money and was then leasing her a car without your knowledge. That must have been hundreds of pounds a month? Was she paying him anything at all?

The dishonesty is bad enough, but he must have an emotional connection there to be doing this for her. He also sounds like a real idiot if he keeps on incurring points for motoring offences. He obviously doesn't learn. I would refuse to chauffeur him and I'd also be preparing to separate and divorce because sadly you're married to a loser.

LAMPS1 · 26/01/2026 06:49

You have clearly found him to be devious and deceitful in the past.
And now this latest nonsense where he has tried to cover up, at great expense, inconvenience and shame to you, proves his lack of integrity and lack of care and respect for you as his wife.
What more evidence do you need OP.

Yes, I would take steps to separate your finances and life from this high risk clown as soon as you can now, before he inveigles his way back into persuading you to be his chauffeur and saviour.
As soon as he realises you are serious about that he will have no choice but to move to somewhere less rural with better transport links.

I would think anyway, that his ex is waiting in the wings only too willing to drive him about…and to step up in as many ways as takes he fancy.

Good luck!

Climbingrosexx · 26/01/2026 06:52

Cheesehoundrosie · 25/01/2026 21:10

He got the points as he was leasing the vehicle in his name, but she was driving\using it.

Did he state at any point who the driver actually was or is he just taking the hit for her? If she was driving the points are hers.

JustMyView13 · 26/01/2026 07:15

It sounds like you need to promote yourself to EX status, given how generous he is to his ex. Obviously wife status doesn’t come with honesty, respect or a free car.

LlynTegid · 26/01/2026 07:18

From what you describe it is not something that will change, so the moving out will be permanent. So does lead to divorce I think.

Sad you did not find out about his inability to do basic things before you ever lived together, would have saved you a lot of heartache.

shouldofgotamortage · 26/01/2026 07:26

The fact he keeps getting driving offences doesn’t add up, doubt it was the ex who got the offence. I would divorce not only is he a dangerous driver putting other peoples lifes at risk, he’s a cheating idiot. It’s a no brainer really, only a stupid person would stay with this one.

OfficerChurlish · 26/01/2026 07:33

He sounds irresponsible and, if not dishonest, at least excessively secretive. Even with separate finances, I'd expect my husband to tell me if he were (1) giving a non-trivial amount of money to his ex (or anyone) on an ongoing basis or (2) leasing a car to lend to his ex, because both of these could realistically impact me.

Has he explained (1) what happened with the letter from February telling him he was in danger of losing his licence, and why didn't he update his address when you moved house? (2) Why he didn't tell you he was taking financial risks on the ex's behalf? (3) Why he didn't tell you his licence had been flagged or revoked as soon as he knew? (4) Circumstances of the other driving offence (the one he actually went to court about)? If I were considering staying with him, I'd want to be very confident that we both know (and he acknowledges and takes responsibility for) exactly what mistakes he made, AND that he has a realistic plan for avoiding recurrences. It doesn't sound like you trust that he's told you everything even now, and if that's the case then I don't see how you could trust him again/rebuild trust between you. That would make staying together very difficult.

(RE a formal, legal separation - it can be helpful in keeping some financial responsibilities/liabilities separate especially if you won't divorce right away, but I'd seek legal advice for your specific situation.)

BellissimoGecko · 26/01/2026 07:33

He’s been giving her money and paying to lease a car for her, all without telling you?

I’m really surprised that a case went to court and the wrong driver was convicted. I thought they had to have CCTV showing who was driving to prove that an offence has been committed?

Sounds like a lot of drama. In court again for another driving offence? Maybe he shouldn’t be driving.

i think I’d be reconsidering my options. It’s exhausting being the only adult in a relationship.

PinkyFlamingo · 26/01/2026 07:34

What was his most recent motoring offence?

BellissimoGecko · 26/01/2026 07:35

Mapletree1985 · 26/01/2026 05:42

What did you get married for if you are considering getting unmarried at the first sign of trouble? Did you not know he was bad at life admin before you committed to him as your life partner?

Show quote history

It’s a bit more than life admin. RTFT!

Sassylovesbooks · 26/01/2026 07:44

So he failed to respond to the Court documents, which would have likely asked who was driving at the time of the offence and then moved. He didn't respond to the Court documents, and as he's the owner of the lease, he was convicted. He is now in Court for a completely different set of driving offences, and by his Barrister he finds out he lost his licence in November. So he shouldn't have been driving presumably at the point when the second offences occurred? You then find out he's been paying for a lease on a car for his ex girlfriend and has been giving her money!!!!

Firstly why has he been leasing a car in his name for his ex? Did he fail to respond to the Court papers because he knew he'd have to 'drop his ex in the shit', and didn't want too?? So failed to respond, knowing he'd be blamed and prosecuted?? Did he fail to respond because he knew that he'd broken terms of the lease by allowing his ex to use the car? Is the car insured in his ex's name? Why has he been giving her money?

Yes, you have every right to be angry. He's lied to you. He's lost his licence because someone else was driving the car, that he leases, and he failed to declare that information. He needs to end the lease. He's now paying for a car he can't use and presumably his ex shouldn't be using. Knowing you live rurally means he's been very irresponsible and stupid. The question is: why is he still so heavily involved with his ex?? He's married to you, it's hugely disrespectful and I don't blame you for asking him to leave.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 26/01/2026 07:45

No one leases a car for an ex girlfriend unless they are still seeing each other

FeedingPidgeons · 26/01/2026 08:07

Solution is obvious, she can drive him around!

Sorry OP this sucks and you are right to be furious.

nauticant · 26/01/2026 08:10

OP, did your husband also receive a fine for the offence related to the February letter? If so, it would be good for that to be paid rather than be ignored.

BrendaSmall · 26/01/2026 08:28

Perhaps his (EX?) hasn’t got a full driving license and hasn’t even taken a test, so he’s covered up for her by not declaring that it was her who was driving?
That in itself is enough to leave him without everything else that he’s been doing that’s involved with his apparent ex!

MyDeftDuck · 26/01/2026 08:35

Cheesehoundrosie · 25/01/2026 21:10

He got the points as he was leasing the vehicle in his name, but she was driving\using it.

Was the ex insured to drive the leased vehicle?

And what else is DH hiding from you?

TomatoSandwiches · 26/01/2026 08:41

Cheesehoundrosie · 25/01/2026 21:25

The deception is especially painful. He says there is no affair but he had previously been giving her money every month, which again I did not find out about for some time. Yes I can drive but I am a very law abiding person and am not happy about accompanying him to court. Not impressed about being his chaueffeur.

Why would you drive him to court?! 😂

Honeymoan · 26/01/2026 08:43

So he's deceitful chaotic and financially and possibly in other ways entangled with an ex

Yeah this feels like a pretty clear cut situation. I'm so sorry what horrible set of things to find out.

duckfordinner · 26/01/2026 08:47

He is a liability. You are doing the right thing by removing him from your life. Things will only get better from now on.

LIZS · 26/01/2026 08:47

Were his driving licence and own vehicle still registered to the old address after you moved? Is he fronting her insurance? There would have been other notifications than the first one and not updating details is in itself an offence. Why would he bankroll an ex unless there was more going on? What else has he overlooked telling you?

IsawwhatIsaw · 26/01/2026 08:51

Get some legal advice with a view to separation and divorce . He’s devious and breaks the law, don’t waste time with him

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