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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Room change has ruined sex life

113 replies

Springsnail · 25/01/2026 07:44

Basically,
We have a 3 storey house ..we were on the top floor at the back ..now we have our bedroom in the middle of the house .
There are teenagers / adult DC ..two in bedrooms above and two either side .
To get to their bedroom they have to walk past ours .
It's not a big house despite many rooms
I can not for love nor money relax enough for any action since we swapped rooms .
DC have girlfriends in and out at all hours as well ,walking past our room .
The rooms either side have DC who are home 24/7
In the great scheme of things it's not a problem..but DH can't be thrilled about this situation..
There is no opportunity to have the house to ourselves or to get away alone for a night ..it's taken two DC wherever we go ( difficult family situation)
I worry men leave sex less relationships ..so I need to do something

OP posts:
Doggynono · 25/01/2026 07:45

Is he their father?

PinkYellowGrey · 25/01/2026 07:45

Obvious question. Why did you move rooms and can you move back?

Springsnail · 25/01/2026 07:46

Yes .. together 30 years

OP posts:
Springsnail · 25/01/2026 07:47

PinkYellowGrey · 25/01/2026 07:45

Obvious question. Why did you move rooms and can you move back?

Had to swap rooms because the DC that had our room ,could not be alone on the same floor as DC in room next to us ( violence)
So id love to swap back ,but it's not possible

OP posts:
user1476613140 · 25/01/2026 07:47

Move back to how it was.

Springsnail · 25/01/2026 07:50

It's a house where I can hear every movement of people in rooms above and next door.floorboards ,.like you know where every family member is at any time because house is so creaky

OP posts:
Newthreadnewme11 · 25/01/2026 07:50

would it help you relax if your door was locked and you knew no one could come in?

Springsnail · 25/01/2026 07:52

They would know instantly if I shut the door ..
Yet they have girlfriends over ..
I know I'm being rediculous to worry about them knowing what we are doing.
But I can't help it

OP posts:
Springsnail · 25/01/2026 07:53

Of all the things that are difficult in my life the moment...yet this is what I'm posting about ..

OP posts:
ObsidianTree · 25/01/2026 07:54

Lol I think you should just start banging op. So what if they know what you are up to. Maybe it will make them bugger off out a bit more so you can have house to yourselves! Or even better, sort their difference out so you can move back to your room so they don't have to hear it anymore!

CaptainMyCaptain · 25/01/2026 07:55

Can you play music or put the TV on?

PersephoneParlormaid · 25/01/2026 07:56

I wouldn’t be sleeping with the door open if the girlfriends were walking past. Just put a lock on your door and get on with it.

EmilyMay89 · 25/01/2026 07:56

If it’s a house where everyone can hear every movement, then they probably all heard you when your room was upstairs.

BoxOfCats · 25/01/2026 08:00

How old is the family member who was violent? Are they an adult?

DeltaVariant · 25/01/2026 08:00

Therapy or punishment for the violence? Depends on root cause.

HamJam1 · 25/01/2026 08:02

Kick the adult DC out.

QuietLifeNoDrama · 25/01/2026 08:03

Why would they know if you shut the door? Do you honestly never shut your bedroom door?

Eviebeans · 25/01/2026 08:04

I think you both as the parents need to address the violence
apart from the lack of sex for you both it cannot be an easy dynamic for everyone else in the house

Owly11 · 25/01/2026 08:05

You have had violence in the home? No wonder you can't relax. You need to deal with the violent offender not disrupt the whole household around them.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 25/01/2026 08:06

If there's been a violent adult in your house, what is the reason you've not been able to ask this adult to leave?

If there's a violent adult in the room next to where you sleep, why are you sleeping with the door open?

This goes beyond the sex and them knowing what you're up to. You need to resolve the stresses that caused this, not the room locations.

crazystar · 25/01/2026 08:10

Springsnail · 25/01/2026 07:53

Of all the things that are difficult in my life the moment...yet this is what I'm posting about ..

Love this comment ! Haha this happens to me
it’s because sometimes easier worrying about what you know is actually in your control

you know what to do - do it

and more impressed you’re prioritising your love life with all those kids !

DaisyChain505 · 25/01/2026 08:11

Springsnail · 25/01/2026 07:52

They would know instantly if I shut the door ..
Yet they have girlfriends over ..
I know I'm being rediculous to worry about them knowing what we are doing.
But I can't help it

You leave your bedroom door open?

It’s completely normal to have your bedroom door shut.

Get yourself a lock on the door (I doubt any of them would be trying to walk in anyways)

Turn the TV on and get down to it.

Missj25 · 25/01/2026 08:11

Springsnail · 25/01/2026 07:44

Basically,
We have a 3 storey house ..we were on the top floor at the back ..now we have our bedroom in the middle of the house .
There are teenagers / adult DC ..two in bedrooms above and two either side .
To get to their bedroom they have to walk past ours .
It's not a big house despite many rooms
I can not for love nor money relax enough for any action since we swapped rooms .
DC have girlfriends in and out at all hours as well ,walking past our room .
The rooms either side have DC who are home 24/7
In the great scheme of things it's not a problem..but DH can't be thrilled about this situation..
There is no opportunity to have the house to ourselves or to get away alone for a night ..it's taken two DC wherever we go ( difficult family situation)
I worry men leave sex less relationships ..so I need to do something

How come the teenager/ adult DCS are home 24/7 & why is there violence ??

Mt563 · 25/01/2026 08:12

Can't you keep the room allocation the same but switch floors? So the people on your floor go to top floor but are still sharing same rooms. That would at least remove the rooms above sense and should reduce traffic near your room too.

Mt563 · 25/01/2026 08:13

Also, doors should be kept shut as part of fire safety. Can use this as an excuse to change habits.

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