Room change has ruined sex life

[Springsnail]

Basically,
We have a 3 storey house ..we were on the top floor at the back ..now we have our bedroom in the middle of the house .
There are teenagers / adult DC ..two in bedrooms above and two either side .
To get to their bedroom they have to walk past ours .
It's not a big house despite many rooms
I can not for love nor money relax enough for any action since we swapped rooms .
DC have girlfriends in and out at all hours as well ,walking past our room .
The rooms either side have DC who are home 24/7
In the great scheme of things it's not a problem..but DH can't be thrilled about this situation..
There is no opportunity to have the house to ourselves or to get away alone for a night ..it's taken two DC wherever we go ( difficult family situation)
I worry men leave sex less relationships ..so I need to do something

Just with how the moving round would go ..as we need DC 1 to either be on a floor alone or on a floor with us .

@Springsnail I’m just trying to understand why you think your husband would leave you? Have you turned him down? Or is he not approaching for sex ( likely because he’s worried about the noise too?

i really think it would be best you talk to him. Maybe say ohhh I miss our nights upstairs… maybe we can wii on to around this by x,y and z?

Read on Mumsnet a few times how they leave sexless relationships

@Wickedlittledancer

I was responding to OP’s initial post. It wasn’t clear in that who the violent person was. So calm yourself, no need to be shocked

He's only about 6 years older than my DH, and I hope in the next 6 years he doesn't decide he's too old for it.

53 isn't old.

At 53, he deffo isn’t too old to have lost interest in sex, OP @Springsnail

You've been asked a couple of times whether you want sex or are just scared of him leaving, and you haven't answered whether you actually want the sex?

Please don't have sex you don't want to keep a man around. But crucially, talk to your husband about how to have a relationship that works for both of you, whether you want sex or not.

Put a lock on the door and start closing it at night. They'll get used to the door being closed. The lock does give a bit of security when you're feeling jiggy.

I know it may not be the answer, but given the delicate circumstances. Could you both get used to having quickies?

This, OP! Just get a lock for your bedroom door. Dont understand what the issue is? @Springsnail

That's no way to live ....for everyone involved. Also set ground rules for friends/girlfriends etc - nobody allowed in the house / or alternatively not allowed upstairs after a certain time. I don't think that's unreasonable.

I know it is hard to relax. That said just ho for it. Worst case scenario is you yuk the kids and they go out lol

I have read all the comments ,thanks everyone for trying to help
I think the house is the problem,not the kids ,not no lock on door
It's so creaky ..like I know where everyone is in the house by the creaks and squeeks ,so that makes me a bit paranoid about any creaks or squeeks we make .
I think we need to look at swapping us back to our old room somehow.
Definitely we were more secluded in old bedroom

If you have a creaky house and were on the top floor then all of the dc below would have heard you going at it previously surely?

This, also get a telly for your room and keep it on to distract from any noise.

Do you think you actually need to be as hypervigilant as you are, with the door open? You may be right, but surely if something bad happened you would hear someone call out or knock? It may be that you've got into the habit of thinking you need to hear everything when you don't, and closing/locking your door would actually be fine.

On the other hand, if you really do need to hear everything, what about locking your door and putting a baby monitor on the landing(s) so you could still hear?

So DC1 on same floor as you then. DC3 on floor below, presumably with DC2?

Shut your door and get the job done. Don't let others put you off.

My husband is 54 and no he’s not too old for it. A word of warning… we had issues with our sex life, linked to his depression, we didn’t talk about it as I didn’t want him to think I was unhappy with him as I thought it would make his depression worse, he had an affair, I kicked him out. We haven’t lived together for 3 yrs now, but we have reconnected and who knows where it will end but we’ve talked about sex and we’ve sorted that out and our sex life is great again.

Whether I take him back is still very much up in the air but those 3 yrs have been very hard, I wish we’d just talked about it.

I don’t want to make you panic or cast aspersions on your marriage but we’d always had a great sex life and then all of a sudden didn’t and that messed us both up.

Sorry to hear this
Just be very difficult for you
Hope things sort themselves out for you x

@Springsnail you very much seem like the “fixer” in the relationship and with your DC. You try to keep the peace and everyone happy but what do you want?
being worried about your husband leaving is not the same as wanting to have sex with him.

Headphones

This! Going by all you've said OP, with such a house full and it being so creaky, as much as being on the top floor gave you more privacy than the room you've moved to, it doesn't sound like it was as discreet as you might think..

Bearing that in mind, I think you could get away with staying where you are and closing your bedroom door with a lock. However, of you feel too distracted by people passing.by outside the door, best to move back to your old room.

But you were upstairs before so isn’t that the same level of ‘being able to know what’s going on as being downstairs with the door shut?

You need a door wedge for inside your bedroom door to physically stop surprise openings.
Announce that you can't get changed as privately as you did on the top floor and you're having to get used to shutting the door
A baby monitor for your SEN kids room.
Develop an interest in watching box sets/listening to Podcasts for your relaxation- nothing your kids would enjoy.