Room change has ruined sex life

[Springsnail]

Basically,
We have a 3 storey house ..we were on the top floor at the back ..now we have our bedroom in the middle of the house .
There are teenagers / adult DC ..two in bedrooms above and two either side .
To get to their bedroom they have to walk past ours .
It's not a big house despite many rooms
I can not for love nor money relax enough for any action since we swapped rooms .
DC have girlfriends in and out at all hours as well ,walking past our room .
The rooms either side have DC who are home 24/7
In the great scheme of things it's not a problem..but DH can't be thrilled about this situation..
There is no opportunity to have the house to ourselves or to get away alone for a night ..it's taken two DC wherever we go ( difficult family situation)
I worry men leave sex less relationships ..so I need to do something

Closing and locking your door is a normal boundary.

you can set rules for young adult offspring living in your home with regards to guests. You need to be comfortable in your own home. They have no inherent right to treat your home the same way they would if they lived independently.

they make soundproofing panels that you can add to your walls. While they aren’t necessary, if they would help you psychologically, I would invest in some plus a good rug for the floor.

Surely he just moves to one of the other rooms downstairs?

It’s normal for parents to have a lock on their bedroom for purposes such as shagging. Why would that not be viewed as ok by anyone?

Adult kids and violence?they need to move out stop allowing gfs over they can private rent house shares etc time to grow up

First of all the fact that you and husband are still together is beautiful given the challenges. Im going under the assumption he's a good manager nothing different been said. I would explain to him that you are missing the intimate time together and see if.you can figure something jointly. Is there time in the morning or afternoon when all are out ?

Having SEN DC is such a huge part of people's lives that unless you have experienced the violence that can come with it ,it's hard for people to grasp the concept.
I was trying to just do a thread for advice for me ..I want to have a normal life with my DH ..but maybe even I am underestimating how much my kids situations impact my life..so I shouldn't be surprised that other people don't get it .
I was trying to leave out the whole family situation,in my thread .. because I'm still a woman first and foremost..I'm not just mum to SEN DC ..but it always comes back to that .
And it's really upsetting to read...just kick him out ...really ..really ... people would kick out a vulnerable adult child with disabilities and diagnosisis.....this is an adult who has never left the house by himself..who needs a carer with him to leave the home ,and can't be left alone in the home ....
So yes..yes ... he does indeed need supported living,or assisted living..but firstly it's really really hard to get ( I have tried ). secondly he has to agree to it and he won't .thirdly a lot of places are mainly full with people who have drug problems which brings the police regularly..not an appropriate environment for a vulnerable adult.
So we carry on as we are
But thankyou to everyone who offered advice..much appreciated

You are doing wonderful @Springsnail . I do not know much about SEN children so your post has educated me: I think it’s very easy for people to say “kick them out” … it’s prettty much the same as when people say “ leave the bastard”. You don’t have to defend your position, you are a dedicated mum
and carer. We can only look at you in awe as it’s not for everyone.

My teenage DD became violent when I divorced her dad and we moved into a new place. I get it. I didn’t call the police on her, I tried to get her help through the GP. Four years on she’s grown out of it, can deal with her anger without it being explosive.

Please take the good from this posts. I hope it all works out for you and the family. Xx

Have you looked into assisted living for your SN sons? I know it’s an emotional subject but you need a plan for when you are both older.

Thankyou ,that's very kind xx

I have yes ..and it's proving difficult to find anything with spaces ,and difficult to get him to agree ,it's actually my biggest worry,what happens to them when I'm gone ..

I’m so sorry about your situation, you must be exhausted from constant vigilance.

Just one possible practical solution - could you have a “baby monitor” listening on the landing / outside your room, so you can keep your door closed for your own privacy but still listen out for sounds?

I don’t mean wholesale in house video surveillance or anything, just something so you can feel more comfortable with shutting the door for privacy but still being able to listen for problems.

That's a really good idea ..thanks

I have vaginismus and I think I subconsciously worried my husabnd owuldleave even when in my conscious mind and in reality I knew he wouldn't