I want to stop claiming CB but DH doesn't want me to - am I being unfair?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

I earn over the high income threshold for CB, which means we - well, I - need to pay it all back each year.

I am the sole earner so this basically creates a situation where I have a bonus £3k bill at the end of every year. We manage it but it is stressful as our mortgage has gone up recently plus obviously cost of living. Frankly I had rather just not claim it at all.

DH wants me to because he says if I do, I can then transfer the NI credits and they can help him with his pension in future. But I think I can stay registered for CB, get the credits, but not receive the payments and therefore avoid having that big bill.

For context - dh and I have a lot of issues and I think it is likely we will split at some point. Also, now I am sole earner, our financial margins are really tight. We cover a big mortgage, have no debt, provide activities for the kids, and save a little each month. But it's also rigidly budgeted and a big shock like one of the cars getting written off, or a couple of expensive house problems, would really hurt us.

Am I wrong/ unfair?

I’m not sure if I’ve missed it, but what’s the reason he doesn’t work?

You can register for child benefit but opt out if receiving payment. That’s what many do as this means the NI credits are still given.
This also ensure your children get their NI number automatically once they hit 16 - if you’ve never registered the child they won’t get it automatically!

Im confused why he isn’t claiming though, if you’re claiming he’s not getting the NI benefits?! Is it definitely in your name, not just your bank account? If it’s not his name then you’re having all that mess for nothing.
He should register but opt out of receiving payment. That’s what I’ve done for years - I work full time so don’t need the credits but know it saves hassle when the kids should get their NI number

So a few things here. One is, that is our set up in terms of joint acct, personal accts or CC
The problem is DH will sometimes overspend on his CC.

I think, if this is not patronising, that digital money does not feel real to DH. He actually gets very exercised about waste in areas like food waste or the kids breaking items. But it feels like money in our banking app is "just numbers on a screen" to him.

On your point about saving v spending, disagree. It's not a choice/ preference. For me, saving is an absolute basic of responsible adulting unless you are really hand to mouth. Esp when you have 1 person as sole earner. If I have a stroke or get fired tomorrow, it's unacceptable to me not to have savings to cushion that for my kids, so they don't lose their home.

Of course you disagree with me that it is a choice to put money into savings instead of pay the CB back, and your DH disagrees with you (or would if he gave it any thought, or he would want to have savings and spending, i.e. like to have his cake and eat it).

That is my point: you and DH are fundamentally incompatible when it comes to money, which is something you would need to work hard together to overcome if you were to stay in the marriage.

When DH overspends on his CC, do you always bail him out? Or would you leave him to pay it off (and pay masses of interest) in his own good time?
He has no incentive to change if you always step in.

It has to be done in the way that's most likely to get the best result for the pair of them.

If he is ADHD impulsive spending is very common. Having a credit card is not a great idea for him. Maybe don’t bail him out next time or do you have joint accounts where his credit record would impact on yours too. If he isn’t earning how did he get a credit card?

Pretty standard bloke behaviour

I'll be honest, money aside. If you know you're leaving him, then call it. Plan your future as if he isn't in it and then make your CB decisions.

I had an ex that hung on because she didn't have an exit strategy. She was financially secure but not exactly where she wanted to be to be comfortable. This sounds awfully close to that. What she did was deceptive and cruel. It left me without a plan and stuck to make instant decisions at the same time she was comfortable and prepared. Absolute horrible treatment way to treat another human.

Plan your future as an adult and once the very big decisions are made, then plan your CB and gov support.

Sound messy and complicated.
Get advice from an independent professional who really knows about this sort of thing

Sorry to say this, but l would not trust your husband ..He sounds a bit slippy.

If hes not working the claim should be in his name so he can get the credits without the transfer faff.

You can opt out of payments, and youll get credits until the youngest is 12 https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-tax-charge/stop-child-benefit

Hi, I am not being in any way deceptive. DH did something that was to me a big deal a little while ago and I told him then I did not see a future for the relationship and I wanted to work with him on a plan to keep our kids stable and then separate amicably. He absolutely understands this although he doesn't like it.

It sounds awfully like he's getting his own back by spending as much of your money as he can though? Is he really a benefit to you or the children, who will certainly have picked up the vibes that you are no longer a unit?

I hope this plays out how you want it to into a good virtue for you.

Ah, that's different. If you both agree to an exit strategy, even if he's reluctant, then take the advice of some of the other people who are far more knowledgeable about child benefits. I'm glad to see you both are taking the responsible route. So many people get caught up in selfishness and emotions to think clearly. I wish you the best and hope there is as little drama as possible.

Quite. If margins are tight, he needs to go and earn money and contribute to the family (and yes I would say exactly the same to a woman). Every two parent family I know has both parents working.

Future, not virtue, sorry.

I haven’t provided any misinformation.

Yes you can transfer CB NICs for 1 person annually, but you can’t transfer CB NICs retrospectively for multiple years in the past- think “last 8 years” without a good reason. This is on the Gov guidance.

Dear Dolt,
Only 1 parent can get the NICs for a child under 12. Usually it is the mother as mothers tend to be staying home and not working.

With OP claiming the CB and working fully time, her unemployed DH who is staying at home is missing out on the CB NICs.

If they can’t transfer the CB NICs from her to him for all the past years, then she should pay voluntary NICs for the years missed.