I want to stop claiming CB but DH doesn't want me to - am I being unfair?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

I earn over the high income threshold for CB, which means we - well, I - need to pay it all back each year.

I am the sole earner so this basically creates a situation where I have a bonus £3k bill at the end of every year. We manage it but it is stressful as our mortgage has gone up recently plus obviously cost of living. Frankly I had rather just not claim it at all.

DH wants me to because he says if I do, I can then transfer the NI credits and they can help him with his pension in future. But I think I can stay registered for CB, get the credits, but not receive the payments and therefore avoid having that big bill.

For context - dh and I have a lot of issues and I think it is likely we will split at some point. Also, now I am sole earner, our financial margins are really tight. We cover a big mortgage, have no debt, provide activities for the kids, and save a little each month. But it's also rigidly budgeted and a big shock like one of the cars getting written off, or a couple of expensive house problems, would really hurt us.

Am I wrong/ unfair?

I'd stop claiming and let him apply for it himself.

This is so weird. What does he mean give him your NI credits?

All you need to do is cancel, he claims and opts for no payment. What is there to discuss?

I would transfer it onto his name as pension credits only, yes hassle for you but then you know he isn’t getting the money so that saves you the headache.

Once you’ve set that up it doesn’t sound like he will make the effort of amending it to get the money in his account.

I’d transfer the credits to his name
but keep admin control of it because that admin task is basically worth £3k to you. It’s definitely pick a different battle.
if the DC are 8 & 11 it probably time he went back out to work even if it’s only part time. That would solve may of the problems

This makes no sense. Your husband has lower/no income. Tell him to claim the child benefit. No taxes and he gets the credits. Why is he not claiming it??

One parent can claim child benefit. There is no income requirement. They are not a household benefit. You only pay taxes if you earn over the threshold which is why the lower earner should 1. Claim the child benefit 2. Be transferring their personal allowance to the higher earner if married and not using.

stop claiming the child benefit. He can then claim it himself. It sounds like he is too lazy to read up and fill the paperwork….

Okay thanks everyone - this has shown me I am not being unfair to get him to claim this himself and if we can ensure we don't receive the payments that will help cashflow.

If you are married, marriage allowance will reduce your tax bill

if you can increase your pension continuation, to lower your adjusted net income you can also reduce how much of the child benefit you repay - that later part may not fly with him because it benefits you more than him

Ok OP, from what im reading it sounds as though you're working your arse off to save for a better future yet DH is reluctant to help out financially? If you do split, he will be entitled to an absolute minimum of 50% and probably much more if hes been A SAHP. How would you feel about being made to leave your family home and support him and your children full time?
I'm just playing devil's advocate here as I'm getting the feeling that hes happy to talk all benefits from you and let you sort out the mess/stress of paying it back as long as its in his best interest.....

We claim it but then ask for the money not to arrive. Easy.

you or him to tick this box. If he won’t then you do it.

I’m a SAHM, I claimed the CB but ticked the box to say that I just wanted the NI credits not the money. Your DH can do to the same. I get NI credits until my child turns 12 so that’s quite a few years.

Don't spend it, it's not your money. Put it in an account all by itself that gathers interest. Then pay the tax man back at the end of the year and keep the interest. Win win.

The thing I'm not understanding is why is he spending the money if he knows it's got to be paid back as a tax bill? Does he not understand this point? You could potentially make a [tiny] bit of money by claiming the CB (by putting it straight into a savings account, getting a year's worth of interest on it then paying it back at the end of the year). But that relies on your DH not spending it!

(Cross posted with a pp who has made a similar point)

He’s a stay at home parent. Perhaps he’s spending it on stuff for the kids? Like every sahm who claims it.

Might have missed this but why is he a stay at home parent if youngest is 8? Was going to suggest it's fine to not contribute to kids savings for a bit while you're in the expensive childcare years but it's obviously not that.

But it isn't his money, it has to be paid back.

Yes you and PP are right and that is a danger!

So look, DH and me... we've kind of fallen out of love and he's done some stuff I personally cannot get past. But he is not a bad guy. He's just shit with any form of planning or discipline with money. For example, exactly as you say, we need to save the CB. But in Sept, he randomly announced he had a £900 credit card bill, so basically he had spent the CB plus about £700. Of course he needs personal spending money but we just do not have hundreds of pounds spare a month, we just don't. So we had to take money out of savings for that.

In my world you just don't put more on your CC than you can pay off at month's end, savings are for a rainy day not monthly bills etc. He just doesn't see things that way and whilst I am responsible for my family's financial wellbeing I find dealing with him really stressful. He of course has access to our joint acct and it will often go OD because he just doesn't check how much is in there before he spends.

I'm having a bit of a nightmare with higher rate CB too. For the NI credits thing, if you've been getting it for years is there anything you need to fill out specifically to keep the credits, or if I fill out the online form on HMRC to stop payment, will I still be registered for NI credits?

We've had some extra jolly fun in that DH WAS the high earner. He'd always paid the CB back from his paye. Then last year, I became high earner. It has to be high earner who pays it, so even though our "household" already had paid it back all year, the "correct person" hadn't. So now I've got the lovely 3k bill....for money we've actually already paid. And goodness knows if HMRC will ever give us back that double payment.

I'd just stop if I were you, OP. It's a bonkers system.

I do t believe you’ve ever posted on a thread about a SAHM and told them that the fb isnot their money!

So basically he’s just shit with money and expects you to sort it.

He should claim CB and opt out of payment and will still get NI credits until the youngest child turns 12.

You're missing the point - it wouldn't be the SAHM's money either if it had to be paid back to HMRC at the end of the year!!!

I think their point is that, in this case, it isn’t anyone’s money. It has to be paid back, so - in the context of their household - it doesn’t really exist.

Well it sounds like he needs to get a job if your budget is tight. Just cancel the CB.