I want to stop claiming CB but DH doesn't want me to - am I being unfair?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

I earn over the high income threshold for CB, which means we - well, I - need to pay it all back each year.

I am the sole earner so this basically creates a situation where I have a bonus £3k bill at the end of every year. We manage it but it is stressful as our mortgage has gone up recently plus obviously cost of living. Frankly I had rather just not claim it at all.

DH wants me to because he says if I do, I can then transfer the NI credits and they can help him with his pension in future. But I think I can stay registered for CB, get the credits, but not receive the payments and therefore avoid having that big bill.

For context - dh and I have a lot of issues and I think it is likely we will split at some point. Also, now I am sole earner, our financial margins are really tight. We cover a big mortgage, have no debt, provide activities for the kids, and save a little each month. But it's also rigidly budgeted and a big shock like one of the cars getting written off, or a couple of expensive house problems, would really hurt us.

Am I wrong/ unfair?

Wow that's very trusting of him as it sounds like the relationship isn't 100% solid - what's to stop you just not bothering to transfer them in the event of a split?

There are no cons to him claiming directly. It saves admin, it saves money stress, it protects him by ensuring he's in control of the credits.

Has he got some kind of hang-up around claiming benefits?

He needs to claim the actual money an you pay the tax

hes the non working stay at home parent so he need that financial independence and security

We don’t claim CB because HMRC just take it straight back out of salary. You’re right in that it makes no sense but I’m not expecting a probable split. If a woman was a SAHM but her DH earns over the limit and is paying it back through HMRC but a split is probable, I would encourage her to keep claiming CB not just the NI contributions.

It means that when they split, she doesn’t have to fight for that or go through claiming it, she already has that income. From your point of view, you aren’t losing that money and your income is already adjusted if you split. You don’t split, take the hit on CB and have the costs of divorce. You factor the cost of divorce into your existing salary that already accounts for CB.

Would increasing your pension contributions bring you below the threshold?

Oh I see @WhereIsMyLight I don't think I could afford that tbh, in reality.

If the money comes straight in to a joint account and goes straight out so DH can get the credits, fine. Or we stay "on the books" for CB in his name and don't claim the payments which is basically the same thing.

If the money comes to DH and he keeps it for the future, but I have to find an equivalent to save each month to pay back, it's effectively added a £220 or whatever it is bill to my monthly outgoings and I don't have an additional £200 a month. Our margins are too narrow for that right now.

@MrsMoastyToasty I had not thought of that but it is doubtful. Plus I think it would cause us cashflow issues.

Right now I am supporting a family of 5 in an expensive area of the SE. I am trying to: cover all our costs - give kids a good quality of life - save a bit each month for the kids and for us so we have a pot, whatever happens.

DH solution if we have cashflow issues is to stop contributing to our retirement savings acct or to the children's savings. I don't think that's okay.

But why aren't you opting out of the payments? That would save a load of admin. It would still be in your name so you'd so have the admin of transferring the NI credits to him BUT the advantage of it being in your name is that you have control over the no-payment thing. If it was in his name he could opt in to the payment and you'd still be left sorting the tax bill admin. (As long as he still has access to the household income that isn't financially controlling surely, it's just saving admin.)

Of course if you split he'll have to apply in his own name and receive the payments as his personal household income will be the threshold.

It makes no sense that he wants you to keep the CB in your name and then transfer him the credits, this is just adding another layer of administration to the process. He needs to just apply for the CB in his name and at the same time opt out of receiving the payment so you don't have to pay back. Absolutely ridiculous that he won't do this, if I were you I'd just cancel it and let him reap the consequences.

Well quite @RancidRuby one of my major issues in the relationship is, he always always takes the path of least resistance or what he is used to, even if it makes no actual sense. If we have once started doing something, he will never change it.

For example, obviously when our kids were really little we got them all their food, dressed them etc. Our youngest is 8 in a month and he STILL tries to get them dressed each morning! Like, holds out their trousers for them to put a foot into, etc. And DD1 is 11 and he still unquestioningly gets her even simple food, like bowls of cereal. He will say it is easier and ofc in a way it is. Whereas I will just say "right DD1 we need to leave in 30 mins, get yourself some breakfast" or "go get dressed".

He is not lazy, he is just very fixated on How We Do Things and cannot change. It's exhausting

Stop pandering to this behaviour then! Just cancel the CB, tell him that's what is happening and then he can either choose to cut off his nose to spite his face or he can spend 5 mins filling in an online form 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yeah I think I will.

I guess, you fall into enabling patterns of behaviour when you have been with someone for a long time. I am used to "sorting stuff out" for him and ensuring things get done.

I am treading a line between being unfair to him and conserving my own sanity!

This is exactly what I’d do in your situation. You should cancel it, and tell him if he wants it, he has to sort it. What a lazy arse he is.

I have a similar scenario here. When DC was little, DP was sacked. So we put the CB into his name. Now he earns a bit less than me, but still gets the CB. We both earn over the threshold but because I'm the higher earner I have to find £3k when I do my tax return, then keep asking him to reimburse me. It drives me mad. I asked him last year to cancel it but I bet he hasn't.

If you were a man this language would be highlighted as problematic

”I’m supporting”. The only reason you can go out to work is because your husband is at home. Do you not value his input.

all money is joint. He needs financial independence and should get the cb money. You can afford the tax.

thats what always said the other way round. Is this case different? Why?

Omg,
If you are the sole earner and he is the stay at home parent, HE needs to be claiming the child benefit.

There is no way to transfer the NI credits (NICs) to him if you are claiming it.

You also are not getting the NICs because you’re working FT.

You should stop claiming it and he should start as soon as possible. I agree it should be a NIC only claim so there is no payment of money.

You should also pay voluntary NICs for any months that he has been a stay at home parent with you the sole earner and thus has missed out on the Child Benefit NICs.

After a split, you two agree on who claims it. If his earnings are below the threshold, then it would be best for him to claim it.

Spot on
and I presume he has no
pension so you should start paying into one for him!

You need to have a good reason to transfer NICs retrospectively from person A to person B if it goes beyond recent months.

It’s not an automatically approved thing. He can’t decide to do this deliberately, for years.

Honestly you can cancel your CB claim and then apply on his behalf. It’s all online with NINo and so on. He sounds like he can’t do the life admin, I’d just do it.

He wants the money for his pension? Well when my husband was SAHD and I was the sole earner I did put money in his private pension. I’d expect the same if the situation was reversed. I think a larger conversation is needed, you may need to reduce your pension contributions in order for some contribution to be made to his pension.

You don’t like how he parents. You need to let go of it when it’s minor things like this of him doing things for the DC. He’s the primary caregiver, so your job is to earn as much as possible as the breadwinner.

Tell him to switch it to his name or you're just quitting it. His choice. He's the one that needs the credits. Is he seeking work? Claiming all other relevant benefits? Unless he's sick or desperately seeking employment I'd be getting annoyed at being the only earner suddenly.

If that's how you feel them I'd just cancel the claim & tell him if HE wants the credits then HE needs to make a claim.

how he feels about that isn't your problem.

Erm of course I could go out to work, like I did before he became a SAHP. By using childcare.

Of course I also value his input. He does an important job for our kids. That doesn't change the fact I am responsible for bringing in the family money.

And no, I cannot easily afford the tax, that is the problem! I do not have a spare £200-250 a month to save to cover the tax bill if he keeps the money.

DH and I have various accounts in various names. That has no impact on who does the admin on each. We swap things around as is best for managing the workload at any given time.

Why does it matter if the CB payment arrives. It goes into the account and neither one of you uses it. Then you hand it back at the end of the year.

The problem if you cancel the claim in your own name and tell him he needs to set it up in his, is you can’t control whether he (sensibly) chooses to opt out of receiving the payments to get the NI contributions only, or opts into receiving them in which case you’ll still be left to pick up the bill, whether via your tax code or as a lump sum owed to HMRC every year.

Either way, while ever the claim is still in your own name I’ve got no idea why you’re claiming the payments and then being left with a “bill” to pay each year (FWIW, it’s not a bill, you’re just being asked to repay money you weren’t entitled to claim in the first place), when you could have simply opted out of the payments yourself?

Your youngest is nearly 8 and he's a SAHP?

He's taking the bloody piss.