Need to vent....husband and I got physical violent for the first time

[user1470043296]

I need to vent, and need to words of wisdom or something.
I'm away on holiday with my husband.
Me-40/ husband-48.
Together 5 years, married nearly 2.
We have fallen out twice already on this holiday and now a third time, it got physically violent and now we are calling tike.on our marriage.
Part of me thinks I'm free...part of me knows I'll need to grieve.
After making up the second time, we head out and have a nice night. I end up dancing with a few girls, he's happy, watching me have a good time.
Then a lady asks he I could get drugs (we were the youngest 2 at the bar, and coz I'm having a good time laughing, dancing etc, I'm assuming that's why she asked me) no was the answer.
I tell my husband coz I thought it was quite funny someone asking me that.
A little while after, he asks me...you haven't taken any drugs have you....God no, is the answer.
Fine carry on having a nice night, husband asks again...are you sure coz your behaving like you have and you was in the toilet for a long time.
I hadn't, and I wasn't in the toilet any longer than having a wee and washing my hands. He keeps pushing it.i don't understand, why, I don't understand why he wouldn't believe me? I genuinely think he's lost the plot at this time. I think I do blow my top then, we'd both had a drink and I'm angry that my own husband will not believe me.
I can't remember the walk home to well, but he says I was shouting and sll dramatic. Yes I probably was.
I remember getting into bed and falling asleep to be woken by him screaming fuck off your vermin, really loud in my face...this was the life out of me.i gather my things and try head to the airport to get an early flight. The airport was closed...Fue...?? I assumed it would be 24/7...the taxi man was lovely. Offered for me to sit in the passenger seat until it was open again. I didn't, I came back to the apartment. It was locked so I bang on the window to wake him up and open the door. He's calling me all the names under the sun. Gets in my face..to which I remember saying get out of my face, your breath stinks. He continues to get in my face...angry swearing pointing, so I stand my ground and make myself as tall and broad as possible. You will not make me back down. Then he pushes me two hands onto the soda, I see red, try and throw a kick at him...but he's top far away and he grabs my foot, then there's scrapping back and forth. At one point I've hit my leg so it bleed on the shin...he holds me down with 2 arms so I can't get up off the bed and bite his arm coz he won't get off me. That's pretty much where it ended.
He plays the card that this was all me, as usual. Even though he was pushing at the drugs thing, and 100% pushed me first which he conveniently things he didn't.
I wish I didn't bite him. But being 5ft, most people can overpower me with strength, and I will fight back in any means possible if im held against my will.

I just don't know what to think or do.
I have adrenaline soaring though me and we have to make the journey back home together now.

We have no kids between us. We haven't even moved in together yet.
But I do have children, and he was going to move in very soon after selling his house.

I hate this side of him...earlier today I said he needed anger management, and he agreed he probably did.

There is also the loveliest side to him, but we seems to be brining the worst out in each other.

I don't think we will reconcile, I'm not sure we should or even can after that.

Any thoughts to put my life into perspective would be helpful.

wtf? You’re both grown adults, this is insane behaviour.

LTB. Do NOT bring him near your kids…. But I think you need to take a look at yourself here too. Quit the drink and grow up.

I agree with all of this but I actually don't think it matters who started it, because OPs memory is hazy on a lot of things due to the level of drunk she was. We don't know that he did do everything first. Whichever of them did, it's unacceptable, but the point is they're bad for one another, they need to stop.

Thank fuck you don't have kids together and don't live together.

Get home, get a divorce, keep away from each other.

His past with his kids not speaking to him is very telling. Especially tied in with him waking up shouting at you and getting in your face.

You do admit you need to stop drinking.

The fact is this isn't a healthy relationship. It can't go anywhere but to divorce. I'd just be thankful your kids haven't lived with it.

Both as bad as each other.. but yes you shouldn't be together

Quitting alcohol can be hard - get some support in real life asap. You can do it.

You’ve both caused it and yes it sounds like much of it is the alcohol. I’m not judging - I quit alcohol 5 months ago because I’m a nasty drunk and I was hurting people with my behaviour.

If you can’t go more than 2 weeks without a drink and it’s having such a negative effect then consider going to AA. I’ve done it and it’s not as scary as it seems. Just go to a meeting and sit there and listen… you don’t have to say anything.

It sounds like if you both didn’t drink none of this would happen. And that means that yes… drink is a problem in your life. Your life would improve without it.

It's not him, it's both if you. You're both alcoholics. Alcohol is a drug. Get yourself sober else your next relationship will be the same.

This sounds like a very toxic and highly volatile relationship. You need to stay away from each other. He sounds like a misoginystic psycho. I'm scared for you.

Have a caused all of this? Am I mental?

Is this all due to me and my drinking? Is he to blame at all?

I know you typed this to garner sympathy and try to get the women here onside, but really you both sound out of control and pretty vile when you've both been drinking alcohol.

Have nothing more to do with each other and just be very grateful you both didn't get arrested last night.

You are married but don't live together, and have separate properties. You have only been married 2 years. No children together. I'm guessing no joint finances.

Seek a divorce, you can do this yourself. You literally have no ties to each other, apart from a marriage certificate.

Your husband has a violent streak, probably made worse if he's had alcohol. However, you don't cover yourself in glory either, as you were aggressive too. I suggest you give up alcohol and seek support to do so.

Keep him away from your home and children.

Well you've correctly identified that your marriage is a toxic disaster zone, and that you have a serious drinking problem.

You now need to separate from him and get treatment for your alcoholism.

Is this fiction?! It's like something from Jeremy Kyle.

please don't waste another second on this man and sort out your relationship with alcohol.

You are just as bad as each other. Especially after your update. You need to leave this relationship, go to therapy and work on yourself. Find yourself someone stable.

You both need to grow up and stop drinking . The shame ! Especially as you both have children . Im in my 40s and my kids would be mortified if i behaved like you two do.
And yes they didnt see it this time but honestly its pretty obvious they would have seen it before.

It all sounds alcohol induced and you sound alcohol dependent. You also sound as though you need to grow up.
I feel very sorry for your children. For their sake stop drinking if you can't get help to stop drinking, end this toxic relationship and take some time to rethink your choices focusing on your children and their needs

I feel sorry for the people around you! Were you staying in a hotel? Any thought for the poor people in the rooms / apartments next to you while you were having this argument / fight?

it’s a shame the police were not called as that would indeed have taught you both a lesson.

Grow up. Not sure what advice you want to see here.

Yes to what everyone else has said, but just to add (to others) - on what planet is is okay to get drunk, shout, argue and get into physical fights? This is no grown up behaviour and your questioning about who started it just smacks of someone who cannot see the bigger picture and has no clue about anyone else around them. The worst part OP is that you are trying to tell this from your side and paint yourself in a more positive light. Both of your behaved appallingly - I truly hope that neither of you act like this to other family or friends or while out in public drinking. No wonder Europeans hate 'Brits on holiday'.

You can just see another post that says:

'Was trying to enjoy a relaxing and restful holiday. Saved for ages and went on the trip of our dreams after scrimping for a year. We had an amazing day at the beach and settled in for the evening with our two children. In the middle of the night, we head almighty screaming and yelling which woke up our children and frightened them. It then escalated into a full blown physical fight and the screaming and obscenities were off the chart. We then heard banging around the apartment and the front door being slammed and thought that was the end. Then about two hours later the female returned and was banging hard on the door and shouting again. Woke my kids and us up again and frightened them. Argument then continued......'

You’re both incredibly immature and need therapy and probably some sort of anger management as well as working to learn how to have healthy arguments. You both need to stop drinking as well if this is how you behave. Obviously divorce.

id be so sad if i saved all year for my holiday then my poor kids had to be woken in the night to people fighting.

I don’t understand why he didn’t trust you. I don’t understand why you got so angry about it. I don’t understand why either of you would be drinking if you know that’s how you act. I don’t understand why he screamed at you, or why you left for the airport in the middle of the night. name calling and telling someone their breath stinks is vile behaviour for adults and that’s all before it all even got physical. You both made repeatedly ridiculous decisions. He is obviously worse and whilst you sound immature he sounds dangerous.

You don't live together and don't have kids together. That's a bonus - just stay in your separate cities and start divorce proceedings as soon as possible.

Stop drinking. Get help to stop if you need it. Although I suspect ending your toxic relationship will help lift a weight off you and you might feel less need to drink. If you need more motivation imagine your kids witnessing those scenes, or their dad. Or how you'd feel if your kids were acting like that and in such a lousy relationship. I'm sure you'd want better.

It doesn't matter who is at fault. This situation is beyond repair so stop raking over who said what and feeling guilt or trying to asign blame and just focus on moving on and improving things. Focus on the positives like your kids and thank blessings like you don't need to move house and have an amicable relationship with their dad. Good luck OP.

Jesus Christ what an absolute car crash of a relationship. Just end it.

You both sound appalling. I feel very sorry for your children.

The root cause here is you’re both getting so drunk you can no longer function. I can’t imagine what possesses two people your ages to get utterly off your heads then have public fights and attack each other physically when alone.

people will have been watching the pair of you acting like drunken animals, and now you face the repercussions in private . You can’t and should not be together because you both have an alcohol problem, and you enable each other to drink to excess, so take time apart and both of you focus on sobriety

if you can’t go on holiday together without getting wasted and fighting, then spending time together is no joy for either of you.

Who cares if there were no children about? The pair of you carrying on, even the poor taxi driver. No wonder they have the view of Brits abroad that they do. Fucking embarrassing.

At least it’ll be a straightforward and easy divorce and you’ll never have to see each other again. Plus you’ll be able to put a new status on your faceyB. Just me and ma kids from now on.

And be bloody thankful no one called the police on your drunken brawl.