Need to vent....husband and I got physical violent for the first time

[user1470043296]

I need to vent, and need to words of wisdom or something.
I'm away on holiday with my husband.
Me-40/ husband-48.
Together 5 years, married nearly 2.
We have fallen out twice already on this holiday and now a third time, it got physically violent and now we are calling tike.on our marriage.
Part of me thinks I'm free...part of me knows I'll need to grieve.
After making up the second time, we head out and have a nice night. I end up dancing with a few girls, he's happy, watching me have a good time.
Then a lady asks he I could get drugs (we were the youngest 2 at the bar, and coz I'm having a good time laughing, dancing etc, I'm assuming that's why she asked me) no was the answer.
I tell my husband coz I thought it was quite funny someone asking me that.
A little while after, he asks me...you haven't taken any drugs have you....God no, is the answer.
Fine carry on having a nice night, husband asks again...are you sure coz your behaving like you have and you was in the toilet for a long time.
I hadn't, and I wasn't in the toilet any longer than having a wee and washing my hands. He keeps pushing it.i don't understand, why, I don't understand why he wouldn't believe me? I genuinely think he's lost the plot at this time. I think I do blow my top then, we'd both had a drink and I'm angry that my own husband will not believe me.
I can't remember the walk home to well, but he says I was shouting and sll dramatic. Yes I probably was.
I remember getting into bed and falling asleep to be woken by him screaming fuck off your vermin, really loud in my face...this was the life out of me.i gather my things and try head to the airport to get an early flight. The airport was closed...Fue...?? I assumed it would be 24/7...the taxi man was lovely. Offered for me to sit in the passenger seat until it was open again. I didn't, I came back to the apartment. It was locked so I bang on the window to wake him up and open the door. He's calling me all the names under the sun. Gets in my face..to which I remember saying get out of my face, your breath stinks. He continues to get in my face...angry swearing pointing, so I stand my ground and make myself as tall and broad as possible. You will not make me back down. Then he pushes me two hands onto the soda, I see red, try and throw a kick at him...but he's top far away and he grabs my foot, then there's scrapping back and forth. At one point I've hit my leg so it bleed on the shin...he holds me down with 2 arms so I can't get up off the bed and bite his arm coz he won't get off me. That's pretty much where it ended.
He plays the card that this was all me, as usual. Even though he was pushing at the drugs thing, and 100% pushed me first which he conveniently things he didn't.
I wish I didn't bite him. But being 5ft, most people can overpower me with strength, and I will fight back in any means possible if im held against my will.

I just don't know what to think or do.
I have adrenaline soaring though me and we have to make the journey back home together now.

We have no kids between us. We haven't even moved in together yet.
But I do have children, and he was going to move in very soon after selling his house.

I hate this side of him...earlier today I said he needed anger management, and he agreed he probably did.

There is also the loveliest side to him, but we seems to be brining the worst out in each other.

I don't think we will reconcile, I'm not sure we should or even can after that.

Any thoughts to put my life into perspective would be helpful.

Obviously you LTB. You never bring him within a thousand miles of your children and your home.

Write off the whole relationship as a silly mistake. Don't be cajoled into reconciling. It's better it's happened now, than after you've moved in together. It'll be much easier to sort everything out, get a quick divorce, and never speak to him again.

Also take pictures of any injuries you have, in case he gets ugly again and you want to report him.

Jesus Christ. You are completely right that this is over. You 100% need to walk away as things never improve after this point, they always get worse because that line has already been crossed and boundaries are destroyed.

Yeah it’s over… don’t bring this mess into your life. And consider stopping drinking for a while if it makes you scream and shout at people.

I 100% agree...the drink is not good and do scream and shout, I will be stopping.

It's not great behaviour from either of you. You are not good together, leave and move on.

Bit rich saying with PP saying LTB when she's just as bad as he is.

You both sound in desperate need of help. You can make him get it, but you can do so for yourself.

He's just run through parts of the story, that I couldn't remember. I think with drink and being in fight or flight, my memory is rubbish in that heated moment. I don't know what's true as he will have a biased POV too. He said I was vile to him about his kids and ex wife(who he despises) one kids didn't speak to him for a year, and have started again. The other has stopped speaking to him.for 6 months, not entirely sure why but I do think he's angry toward them sometimes.

I did lash out, and say no wonder your kids don't want anything to.do with you.a very low blow I know. And I said you are just like your ex wife and you deserved each other.

He said I abruptly stopped in the street and he walked into me, and I've blown up then....he said I was acting like he beat me then.

I can't remember, that...it could be true. I'm no angel and yes I do need to stop drinking 100%.

He has said he agreed he pushed me first, but then said I attacked him.

We are still waiting to get out of here and catch a flight home. He keeps coming in calling me mental. I've asked him to close the door and stop.

You both sound out of control and like a toxic pair. Is this drinking and falling out a common event?

Sounds like a toxic relationship for both of you

Yes this drinking and falling out is a common event lately. We both do it, make up and promise not to again. But then we do again.
I started the year after another fall out saying I know I need to quit alcohol, I had 2 weeks off and failed on this holiday. I think he needs to quit alcohol but he doesn't agree. I have had my own therapy the past few months. After the second falling out this week, I said we should go to couples counselling, he didn't really like the idea but said he's try if we did fall out again. We obviously had and I don't think there's any coming back from it.

Have a caused all of this? Am I mental?

Is this all due to me and my drinking? Is he to blame at all?

Ffs. Imagine being on holiday in the apartment next door to you two. And you both have kids, maybe time to grow up?

You’ve been together 5 years and married 2 but don’t live together? What in the benefit fraud is that all about?

Sounds like you just don’t like each other much. Get out while you still can. I think you both need to stop drinking and get some separate therapy. I grew up with a mum and dad exactly like you’re describing and it’s not nice. Be kind to yourself and make things better for you and your kids. ❤️

Wow at your ages and you act so so badly...I'm only half your age as is my hubby and never in a million years would we see this other than on tv. Should be ashamed of yourselves and feel so sorry for all holiday makers staying around you two!

You sound like a couple of pissed-up chavs on one of those holidays from hell programmes. End it and get help with your drinking.

You need to leave this marriage. It sounds toxic. Being with your partner is supposed to be a safe place. You describe this as falling out but this is way beyond that, it’s toxic and abusive behaviour.
You need to stop drinking. What he does is up to him. I don’t think things will get better unless you move forward without him. Get therapy. You need to be looking after yourself in every sense for your kids.

You both made very poor choices and acted appallingly. At this point, arguing over who was worse is a waste of time. Not least if you were so drunk you can't even remember everything that happened.

The relationship is dead. Go home, deal with whatever needs to be dealt with to separate your lives, then walk away without a backward glance. And for god's sake stop drinking.

You two are not good for each other. End it before you bring your kids into this toxic mess. Think of them if not yourself.

You both caused it. Neither one of you sounds like you are a victim here, you're as bad as one another.

End the relationship and stop drinking. Truthfully you sound like you wind each other up.

I agree @Fends I'm definitely ashamed of my behaviour, thankfully there's no kids near us but that doesn't excuse anything.

The housing situation is because we live in 2 cities and we had our kids initially on the same days, and couldn't make it work for kids living in one house without changing their schools, which we didn't want to do.

Now he doesn't have, his children, hence why he was selling his house and moving in. We got married early because wanted too. I was in an 18 year relationship before this one, none of these issues occurred, but wasnt married, so I did want marriage.

You both sound as bad as each other.

It really doesn’t matter whose fault it most is. You both behaved appallingly and neither of you should ever drink again.

A sober person would not have ended up in this situation.

Thank God you aren’t living together- hopefully a short marriage without living together makes the financials easier.

You both sound like horrendous people.

The relationship is dead in the water, end it and seek therapy.