I need to vent, and need to words of wisdom or something.
I'm away on holiday with my husband.
Me-40/ husband-48.
Together 5 years, married nearly 2.
We have fallen out twice already on this holiday and now a third time, it got physically violent and now we are calling tike.on our marriage.
Part of me thinks I'm free...part of me knows I'll need to grieve.
After making up the second time, we head out and have a nice night. I end up dancing with a few girls, he's happy, watching me have a good time.
Then a lady asks he I could get drugs (we were the youngest 2 at the bar, and coz I'm having a good time laughing, dancing etc, I'm assuming that's why she asked me) no was the answer.
I tell my husband coz I thought it was quite funny someone asking me that.
A little while after, he asks me...you haven't taken any drugs have you....God no, is the answer.
Fine carry on having a nice night, husband asks again...are you sure coz your behaving like you have and you was in the toilet for a long time.
I hadn't, and I wasn't in the toilet any longer than having a wee and washing my hands. He keeps pushing it.i don't understand, why, I don't understand why he wouldn't believe me? I genuinely think he's lost the plot at this time. I think I do blow my top then, we'd both had a drink and I'm angry that my own husband will not believe me.
I can't remember the walk home to well, but he says I was shouting and sll dramatic. Yes I probably was.
I remember getting into bed and falling asleep to be woken by him screaming fuck off your vermin, really loud in my face...this was the life out of me.i gather my things and try head to the airport to get an early flight. The airport was closed...Fue...?? I assumed it would be 24/7...the taxi man was lovely. Offered for me to sit in the passenger seat until it was open again. I didn't, I came back to the apartment. It was locked so I bang on the window to wake him up and open the door. He's calling me all the names under the sun. Gets in my face..to which I remember saying get out of my face, your breath stinks. He continues to get in my face...angry swearing pointing, so I stand my ground and make myself as tall and broad as possible. You will not make me back down. Then he pushes me two hands onto the soda, I see red, try and throw a kick at him...but he's top far away and he grabs my foot, then there's scrapping back and forth. At one point I've hit my leg so it bleed on the shin...he holds me down with 2 arms so I can't get up off the bed and bite his arm coz he won't get off me. That's pretty much where it ended.
He plays the card that this was all me, as usual. Even though he was pushing at the drugs thing, and 100% pushed me first which he conveniently things he didn't.
I wish I didn't bite him. But being 5ft, most people can overpower me with strength, and I will fight back in any means possible if im held against my will.
I just don't know what to think or do.
I have adrenaline soaring though me and we have to make the journey back home together now.
We have no kids between us. We haven't even moved in together yet.
But I do have children, and he was going to move in very soon after selling his house.
I hate this side of him...earlier today I said he needed anger management, and he agreed he probably did.
There is also the loveliest side to him, but we seems to be brining the worst out in each other.
I don't think we will reconcile, I'm not sure we should or even can after that.
Any thoughts to put my life into perspective would be helpful.