Women 50+ post divorce. Did you find 'true' love again or are you happy being single?

[ICanBuyMyOwnFlowers]

After 27 years of marriage, 34 of being together, 4 kids etc.... He found a Thai lady to replace us (me) with (told me on my birthday just to ensure that is ruined as well). I was devastated! 19 months on I'm still struggling. He seems to be dragging the divorce out and is very controlling with money and knowing where I am/when etc.

I was really looking forward to the last child (she's 16 and doing GCSEs) heading off to uni and us having more 'us' time and focusing on fun. Now I'm having to carve out a new future which is positively frightening.

At my mother's and older daughter's encouragement I did sign up to a couple of online dating sites ages ago. Sheesh! I've now cancelled all subscriptions. The online men out there seem to either want immediate meet ups (so presumably for sex) or a nurse for their old age. Instead I'm focusing on getting through this divorce and rebuilding a life for myself. BUT.....

My friends who have been through divorce seem to fall into two groups. Either very early on they fell into another relationship, which has (from the outside) never seems that healthy. Or they've become content with being single. The 'content with being single' group seem happier but I'm so scared of that option. The idea of not having someone out there see you as their world feels very lonely. Equally if you did find 'true' love again how the hell did you do it? The men online were positively slimly or narcissistic. One man messaged me, after looking at my profile picture, with the words "nice, when can we meet". Ummm never!

I'm 57, divorced 2015, met someone new 2017 but late 2020-2021 he had a full mental breakdown and died at the end of 2022 . I have no interest in putting in the effort to meet anyone to start another relationship - I have nothing to offer anyway as I'm skint, fat and very plain. I'm not someone who has a social circle so yes, at times it is incredibly lonely. But I just can't deal with any more tears - I've shed so many in the last decade mourning first the loss of a marriage (not the loss of the man as we'd grown too far apart) then the loss of a love and true friend.
Interestingly of the people I do know, it seems to be the men that move on and remarry sooner than the women after a divorce or death.

I think the men have more options , especially if they’ve bothered about themselves and are solvent . Far more well kept women beyond 45 around

I coach down my local rowing club and often run the 'Learn to Row' courses. We are not an elite or high performance club so we get all sorts signing up. One of things I do on day one is sit everyone down and ask them to introduce themselves and describe what motivated them to sign up to a new sport. A common theme seemed to be loads of recently divorced folk. The course is pretty intense but those who stick it out pretty much transform themselves physically and 12 months later are in amazing shape. It has also become a bit of a club joke where many of these recently divorced people end up dating fellow squad members! Have had a few weddings off the back of them too.

Divorced 5 years and just ended an almost 3 year relationship last night although we never lived together. Think I'm going to give myself six months away from dating and build up more friends and activities. If I never find the one, I he okay, I'll be happy enough. But I've been sad the last few months in relationship that wasn't what I had hoped it would be

25 years together 3 kids left me because he did not love me anymore 8 years ago. Single haven't have a relationship. I agree with your comment regarding online datung, would love to meet someone to go out with but not to live with, i prefer to be alone than havong someone telling me what to do without any consideration for me. Ex husband really know down my confidenxlce that i don't think i will be able to trust a man

Im nearly 50 and i stopped looking at all once i got to 40. Life became much harder at 40, i lost my mum, lost ther best job ever and then got an autism diagnosis, and those things together killed off any hope really, I’ts been 20 years now on my own.

Life is so much easier on my own. I’ve been to Sister Act last year, my 10th trip to Evita and it was my eighth year this year of getting front row tickets the ballet, and nobody i know wants to see Swan Lake. I spent my third year raving at a dance festival with all my favourite DJs (and a lot of stress as well). The difference, certainly in the last five years is that I only date me. I bought myself a nice little flat ten mins from work and I watch Vera, Endevour, MlMorse and re ruins of Joan Hickson as Miss Marple and yes, I go to the pub once a week. I like my life. Whilst at the pub before Chirstmas three woman had a fight about “Bazza” in the car park. All his mates were egging them on whilst he chain smoked Lambert and Butler in his badly fitted Henry Lloyd jumper. God, he was a catch, you really missed out there.

The bad stuff ? I cannot get any taller than 5’7. I go to the gym three times a week but i cant get any taller, neither can i get into vaping whilst meeting my mates down the Dog and Duck for eight pints and to smash things up. Women love violent men it seems, 73% of men in prison are Dads. Also i spend a lot of time at work with easily led boys who desperately look up to angry men in order to get attention. I remember a woman whose family I looked after who had met a man who was a kick boxer and had a drinking problem and all she wanted to know was when he would “change”. Like i say, i like my life. I’ve never been arrested, im not bald, i dont wind the window down in my car and shout at people to “go home” whilst I attach flags to lamp posts because I’ve got no brains.

My experience is that the older you market the more high status you need to be. Sadly there aren’t many 6’9 50+ men who are Property Developers who have 4 houses and a mansion in Spain. He probably hasn’t got a garage of 10+ cars and does not live art Downton Abbey and you probably cant borrow hie Bentley to drop the kids off (that aren’t his) of course) at school.

Good luck finding him. I’ve never been happier since I stopped looking, purely because there is no point in looking.

@krnries Being a bit stupid - where do I find that podcast?

@Thatsthebottomline you have most excellent taste in TV 😍

Is there an age limit for this? E.g. will I get laughed off the water for being an overweight 53 year old woman? I worked in elite sport for a long time (admin) and I've always fancied trying rowing.

Happily single. I have friends, children and grandchildren. I can take off when I want (within reason) to wherever I want to go. So many things I couldn't do when I was in a controlling marriage. Yes I do help my children and grandchildren but that is so different from what I had before
I did join meetup when I was newly single and discovered a lot of things I didn't want to do which lots of singles seem to want to do, so it was worth it from that point of view
If I ever found someone who was good company I might consider a relationship but one along the lines of being good friends, I'm not wanting anyone who expects more of me that meeting up for mutual interests, who is cool with me doing my own thing
But I'm not seeking anyone out and 14 years later nobody like that has showed up.

I don’t think it’s this at all. I think it’s that many men just want to get with someone, anyone as they cannot be alone.

Women who’ve divorced and are 40+ are far more likely to be happy and in fact prefer remaining single.

It’s a documented fact that the happiest demographic are unmarried women, live longer etc and unmarried men tend to die younger.

A lot of men need looking after and anyone will fit the role!

OP - both my dsis and best friend met other men after their divorces (one is 45 one is 50) and are happier than ever after swearing to remain alone for the rest of their lives. Both of their new spouses are a marked improvement on their exes.

However, you absolutely have to get to grips with being happy single first - or as happy as you can be (in that no one married or single is 100% happy all the time) - as it may not happen, so work on finding new friends/groups etc to fill your cup instead.

Very toxic divorce aged 60 (was amicable to we had to discuss money then his gf made sure it was toxic. 30 years together,27 married.
Was not expecting to meet anyone but was bowled over by lovely man met through hobby. Lasted two years, amicable parting, still friends. A year later met a lovely widower through mutual friends. Together still a year later -very happy and healthy relationship -he is really great. Don’t know if is forever, but I don’t ‘need’ a man to make me happy -was just getting on with my life and having fun with friends.

I took up rowing (not to meet a man 😀) aged 62 - and love it - it’s very inclusive.(Was not this hobby I met my bf thru, btw😀)

This is great advice. I really believe that the energy/vibes you put out into the world are matched by what you get back. I’m nearly 50 and my marriage ended nearly 3 years ago (ex’s affair). I was devastated. After a year I tried OLD but it really wasn’t for me. Since I gave up on that, I’ve thrown myself into work and being a good friend to my friends. I would like a relationship, but I’m not “looking for a relationship”. I’ve met so many people who make it very obvious they would like to go out with me, since this became my attitude. I think it’s the lack of “need” I give off. Make yourself happy on your own and other people find you more attractive.

Divorced at 56 after 25 years marriage (30 together). 2 years down the line I have no prospects of meeting anyone else (2 teens with ASD take up all my energy). I've had a 'great love' (not my ex!) and anything else probably wouldn't compare. I couldn't do OLD.

There are a handful or clubs across the country that are elite as they operate high performance rowing programmes that are focused on winning Henley Royal Regatta, National Championships and selection for the GB squad. The vast majority of clubs however welcome everyone as they have a range of squads available depending on your age and availability ie competitive squads training several times a week that compete at head races and regattas and social squads that train a couple of times a week and enjoy a pint/glass of wine afterwards.

Plenty of 40 and 50 somethings of all shapes and sizes join the sport and nobody laughs. Most clubs offer learn to row courses that are a mix of on the water and land training. The most inspiring recent story was a woman who joined my club 5 years ago, she was massively overweight, had very little flexibility, struggled to get in or out of a boat without assistance and had basically zero fitness. She struggled at first but we pulled together a separate training programme for her that was a mix of ergs and weights and she stuck at it. 18 months later you would not have recognised her as she had completely transformed herself. She is now training to be a coach herself and working towards her qualifications.

Your life sounds great to me!

You can google "How to get over your ex podcast" it should come up and tell you where you can listen to it. I use the Snipd App ;)

Oh I don’t disagree with that at all - my point was about women who ‘do’ actively want a relationship - I think it’s often very slim pickings for them of men who don’t have a load of issues or simply are looking for a housekeeper/sex— compared to men who are looking for a relationship post 50 .

Yes I was very lucky. I’m late 50’s now and met my (second) dh online at 39. You have to have an open mind but also listen to your gut when chatting online. Dh sounded different to the rest and he was. Be true to yourself and don’t settle.. so much better to be happily single than with the wrong one.

Got divorced early 50s, met someone who I adored and thought I'd be with forever more, but he died. Have now been single for longer than I've ever been in my adult life, and actually it's fine, I'm making my home just how I want it and although I'm still very much grieving, I will be ok.

I would like to meet someone to grow old with, but I'm not interested in a relationship any time soon.

Very quick update. Youngest was ill and demanding, and doing other things but..... You people are inspiring me, thank you. I've missed so many things recently because I had no one (friends didn't want to/or couldn't afford to go) to go to films/shows with me. Someone (sorry) stated how they were courageous enough to start doing things on their own and discovered that it was that big a deal. So with my big girl pants pulled over my tits I booked to see a film that was on its last showing and went alone. Fab.

AND.... like a gift, woke up this morning to find two out of three of the comedians I missed last year have extended their tours. Currently booking them now! Would never have braved this without all your stories. Please keep them coming.

I’ve been separated for 2.5 years. Seeing someone for 18 months. He’s lovely, a dream man in so many ways. But I’m just not deeply, romantically in love with him and I can’t imagine feeling that way ever again.

I’d never want to live with someone again, let alone get married.

Then again, my sister said the same thing after her last divorce and she’s getting married this year.

Oh fantastic! I've done a few things by myself and the apprehension quickly evaporates I find. And I was so happy with myself for having done them.

Brilliant 💐 that’s the spirit OP!

Ps. I’m married and still sometimes go to the cinema alone etc. It’s bliss!