I planned a nice dinner to celebrate my boyfriend's university graduation. I was really excited about it, and I wanted to make the night feel special. Things started off well, but about halfway through the meal, he got quiet.
When I asked what was wrong, he said he didn't feel special. He said he wished I had asked him to reflect on the last two years of his degree and that the dinner felt like a "normal catch-up/date" (even though we hadn't seen each other in a few days). I even was like, let's go ahead, reflect and he was like no, it's not the same when it's not organic. I just felt so dismissed, I was with him, supporting him in material and emotional ways through this big life transition, from helping in his job search and his house search, helping him rehearse for big presentations.
It was so confusing and hurtful. I was literally there, at a dinner I planned for him, and he was making it about what I wasn't doing. It's a pattern he has where he just thinks he's sharing his feelings and being honest. And then, the dessert came out. I had secretly arranged with the restaurant to have a special plate with "Congratulations my darling" written on it. He saw it and was genuinely surprised and happy. He apologised for his earlier comments and said it was sweet.
For a moment, we went to being sweet again. But then, he immediately went back to "expressing his feelings".
I am really struggling because I have a tendency to overthink and I am exhausted. Is this healthy relationship communication? I mean even if he actually was disappointed, shouldn't he have just let the dinner pass and maybe like say that I feel like I would like to reflect on this journey? But his focus on "being asked" questions like this feels more important than actually sharing them.
He can be sweetest kindest human and I second guess myself. How do I deal with this? Please be gentle with your response.