What are people’s views on this because I for the life of me cannot get my head around this.
I’ve decided to book a day trip abroad with my friend. We havnt done this since pre Covid so will be looking forward to it.
I told my boyfriend who I’ve been with for almost 2 years and he was really annoyed about it.
we’ve started doing those extreme day trips and overnights abroad after seeing a few groups online about it and we’ve had 2 trips and have a few more booked.
I enjoy travelling and me and this friend had been away before for her divorce and years before I met my boyfriend.
he went quiet and what I think was going in a mood over it saying he was bothered because I’m now doing something with someone else when he thought it was “our thing” and “special to us”
he then said he feels really embarrassed by thinking we had something that was special to us and that he held such a sentiment to it and now it’s not something we do that’s special to us as a couple it’s something I do with whoever.
He then said it’s ok if I don’t go you can just ask someone else or someone else so it’s fine. I said would it be any different if I went away in this country and he said yes because it’s all the time we’ve spent planning and talking and discussing different destinations.
he said not many couples do it and he feels stupid to think that way. He said his ego feels bruised and he feels stupid for thinking we had something together and that I don’t think of it the same way.
He also now says he’s realised that if he doesn’t go I can just ask someone else and I’m like yeah… again pretty normal.
I said I wouldn’t have an issue with him going away with a friend because that’s what people do. I could see his point if I stopped asking or planning holidays away and just went with my friends then I could see his point but a one off trip that I havnt done in years?
I said it’s not so much the activity itself but it’s about the people you spend the time with that makes it important. He’s now saying he’s not that bothered about booking anything else anytime soon because it’s not special anymore and refused to book anything else. I said he was cutting his own nose off here.
I said he’s showing protest behaviour and actually this can look really controlling. He said he doesn’t have an issue with me going away if it was for a birthday, hen do or a reason but he’s struggling with the whole extreme day trip idea.
he says I havnt done anything wrong which I know this and that his feelings are his own and he has to deal with them. I won’t stop myself from going because I’ve not got no reason not to go. I’m only going for a day and it shouldnt be this hard!
I don’t know if he’s jealous or envious because he hasn’t got hardly any friends to do things with but that isn’t my issue.
it’s really concerning because any partner should be like that’s amazing hope you have a nice time… but I get this response? I’m trying to see it from his point of view in thinking that we had something for us but to be honest travelling I feel is a pretty ordinary part of life.
his last relationship they both never had much outside of each other and he felt guilty for having a life outside his marriage because she would guilt trip him for going… and yet now he’s behaving in the same way.