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Relationships

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Living with a partner and my kids, he has his own food cupboard etc is this normal ?

127 replies

Newlife26 · 16/01/2026 20:48

Been with partner for 9 years, living together for 4. He has a child from a previous relationship and so do I.
Mine lives with us, age 12, his just has sleepovers twice a week.
We have a mortgage together. He earns around £1300 more a month than I do, although I do get Child benefit and £50 per week child maintenance.

All bills are split 50/50, anything that gets spent on the house is 50/50 even down to small amounts.

He does nothing to help me with my child, like lifts to school etc, hardly talks to him, and does nothing with him. I have no help financially, he buys his own food and keeps it separate and will moan if my child uses something of his, like a towel or something.

We never have any conversations about future goals etc, everything just seems to be him or me, theres never a ‘our’.
If I complain about lack of money he tells me to get a better job. And his money is his and mine is mine.

Is this a normal second relationship where you don't have children together ?
Or is this not normal?!

OP posts:
Heatingneedstobeontoday · 16/01/2026 20:49

He's a glorified lodger imo.

cestlavielife · 16/01/2026 20:50

You ve been with him nine years and you only just noticed?
Or is a change?

sprigatito · 16/01/2026 20:50

It sounds like a pretty miserable life to me, and not much like a family. How does your child feel about living with a man who shows no interest in him?

Arlanymor · 16/01/2026 20:51

Well the obvious question is why you elected to let this person live with you and your child. Is it your home?

olderbutwiser · 16/01/2026 20:52

No it isn’t. Which you know really or you wouldn’t be here. What are the good things that outweigh this lack of commitment?

WallaceinAnderland · 16/01/2026 20:52

He does nothing to help me with my child, like lifts to school etc, hardly talks to him

What a horrible man to have around your child. Why have you allowed this?

AgnesMcDoo · 16/01/2026 20:53

He’s a flatmate that you have sex with.

GiveafuckGertrude · 16/01/2026 20:53

Absolutely not. My DP is usually the person my DC message before me if they miss the school bus or want a treat from the shop. He pays half, because he wants to, for presents, holidays etc. He gives him pocket money himself, takes him out for tea when he’s had good school reports, watches tv series with him that they both like, goes on days out with him - just the two of them as well as days out with me too, goes to parents evenings, takes him to his clubs, asks him about his friends…all the same things that I do. If he didn’t put in this amount of effort with my DC he would have been long gone.

I feel so sorry for your son, he deserves better than this horrible, horrible man. And so do you.

Mullaghanish · 16/01/2026 20:53

Sure he’s not in his single 20s now.. but is acting like it..

arethereanyleftatall · 16/01/2026 20:53

Oh come off it op. You cannot seriously think that your child living with an adult who ignores him or tells him off for using the wrong towel is either normal, or a good way to live.

Obscurity · 16/01/2026 20:53

Newlife26 · 16/01/2026 20:48

Been with partner for 9 years, living together for 4. He has a child from a previous relationship and so do I.
Mine lives with us, age 12, his just has sleepovers twice a week.
We have a mortgage together. He earns around £1300 more a month than I do, although I do get Child benefit and £50 per week child maintenance.

All bills are split 50/50, anything that gets spent on the house is 50/50 even down to small amounts.

He does nothing to help me with my child, like lifts to school etc, hardly talks to him, and does nothing with him. I have no help financially, he buys his own food and keeps it separate and will moan if my child uses something of his, like a towel or something.

We never have any conversations about future goals etc, everything just seems to be him or me, theres never a ‘our’.
If I complain about lack of money he tells me to get a better job. And his money is his and mine is mine.

Is this a normal second relationship where you don't have children together ?
Or is this not normal?!

This is not normal! Count your lucky stars you don’t have children with him.

TwistedWonder · 16/01/2026 20:54

Of course it’s not normal. He’s an absolute cunt - your poor son having to grow up with this wanker in what should be his safe space.

How can you tolerate a man who treats your child like this? Put your poor son first ffs before his entire childhood is ruined by the selfish prick.

TwoTuesday · 16/01/2026 20:56

The money is maybe ok, though he has more income so should probably pay more of the bills, but him not interacting with your child is not ok at all. Separate food cupboards is weird and more like a housemate situation. On balance not really normal and it must be awkward to live like that.

jannier · 16/01/2026 20:57

Thats giving your child a really odd view of a relationship. Doesnt sound loving just convience and sex on tap.

Newlife26 · 16/01/2026 20:58

cestlavielife · 16/01/2026 20:50

You ve been with him nine years and you only just noticed?
Or is a change?

I was in a bad place after leaving my ex, he was nice at the start but things have gone like this since we moved in together.

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 16/01/2026 20:58

Is he keeping his food away so your son doesn’t eat it?

I think keeping money separate is absolutely fine, wise even. Financially, your child is only yours to support.

If he ignores him, that is not fine.

cestlavielife · 16/01/2026 20:59

Please move out again and focus on your child
This is not a happy place for your child

Pollqueen · 16/01/2026 20:59

No, so not normal

pinkfondu · 16/01/2026 21:00

How does your son feel?

Newlife26 · 16/01/2026 21:00

WallaceinAnderland · 16/01/2026 20:52

He does nothing to help me with my child, like lifts to school etc, hardly talks to him

What a horrible man to have around your child. Why have you allowed this?

Not so much allowed but a bit stick due to living situation. I have no money to leave or anywhere to go.

OP posts:
Ariana12 · 16/01/2026 21:01

I hope you find the courage and resilience to get out of this situation. It's bad for you and for your DC..

Bibi12 · 16/01/2026 21:01

Make plans to leave. This is not a normal relationship and it's a horrible situation for your son.

TheBlueKoala · 16/01/2026 21:01

I couldn't possibly live with someone who "barely talks to" my 12 year old son (yes, I have one as well). I feel so sorry for him- please ltb.

pikkumyy77 · 16/01/2026 21:02

Ugh. Horrible. Figure out how to separate. The shared mortgage is a recipe for disaster with this miserly misery.

Ariana12 · 16/01/2026 21:02

Newlife26 · 16/01/2026 21:00

Not so much allowed but a bit stick due to living situation. I have no money to leave or anywhere to go.

Get legal advice. As this is your home and your child's, maybe he could be asked to leave