Living with a partner and my kids, he has his own food cupboard etc is this normal ?

[Newlife26]

Been with partner for 9 years, living together for 4. He has a child from a previous relationship and so do I.
Mine lives with us, age 12, his just has sleepovers twice a week.
We have a mortgage together. He earns around £1300 more a month than I do, although I do get Child benefit and £50 per week child maintenance.

All bills are split 50/50, anything that gets spent on the house is 50/50 even down to small amounts.

He does nothing to help me with my child, like lifts to school etc, hardly talks to him, and does nothing with him. I have no help financially, he buys his own food and keeps it separate and will moan if my child uses something of his, like a towel or something.

We never have any conversations about future goals etc, everything just seems to be him or me, theres never a ‘our’.
If I complain about lack of money he tells me to get a better job. And his money is his and mine is mine.

Is this a normal second relationship where you don't have children together ?
Or is this not normal?!

Absolutely this!!

It breaks my heart for these poor kids in situations like this 💔

And it's blatantly obvious he's no time for your son that's not right.

He treats your kid like shit and you're still with him?

So it's like a lodger with a shag thrown in?

I think you know what to do OP. The seperate cupboard is the least of your problems.

Do you suggest I make my child homeless ?
I have been on the council list for 2 years. I have no way of saving for a private rental as I have no spare money and would need £2k at least out right. So no, I am not choosing dick over my child!

Sell the house. You aren't stuck. You have chosen this life for your child.

Stop paying half the bills, take your name off anything that's joint. Wouldn't surprise me if everything is in your name to prevent you from being able to do that though.

Call Women's Aid and get some advice. Do better for your child starting today.

You co own a house. Tell him you want to sell, split and go your seperate ways.

You child is being forced to live a miserable life with a man who doesnt like him because you made some appalling choices to live with an unsuitable man. Stop continuing to choose this man.

You have a choice. You can make a plan. You are choosing this awful man over your child’s mental health.

How long would saving the £2k take you? And what can you do to get it faster?

It’s time to plan your future. This is not good for you or your son.

I couldn't get past the cold heartedness of the situation.

Why do you need a council house or private rental? You tell him it's finished and sell the house.

No matter how hard life is, we always have choices. Realise that you have a choice and then take the one that is in the best interests of your DC.

I say this as a single parent so I know how hard it is. Trust me when I say you need to prioritise your DC and not this man.

It's possobly normal for an autustoc man but not a fruitful relationship

Fuck me! And you are with this complete bellend why?!?!?!
This isnt a relationship OP, its not even a friendly house share ffs. Lodgers would probably be more accommodating than this!
Your poor child too. Is this how you want them to believe a normal, healthy family unit should be?
Move out or kick him out, whichever is the easiest solution all round.

Where else would I live? The house was bought in the middle of covid so has dropped in value, it’s also extremely unfinished. Plus the deposit was mainly his.

You can't keep your child in this environment OP. It's going to mess with his head.

You need a plan.

How do you have no money when you split the bills 50/50, plus an extra £50 a week child maintenance?

I am a single parent, get no maintenance and have 100% of the bills.

You could have a deposit for a rental within a couple of months and then you sell the house.

In the bin!

Once bills, credit cards, loan, food, fuel etc is paid I have very little left at the end of the month, and no way would I be able to save 2k in a couple of months

So you ask him to leave. He has £1300 a month more than you, and you have a child who lives in the home. Tell him it's over and you want to sell the house. He can move out while awaiting the sale.

Do you really think he's just going to move out? He owns half the house and paid the majority of the deposit. He's not going to leave!

OP, tell him it's over and ask him if he will buy you out of the house or you will have to sell. That would get you a deposit for private rental.

But I am assuming that this has been going on for a while now and so surely you must have been saving some money?

You work and only pay half of the bills and so you need to prioritise and put money away until you can get a deposit.

This is awful. You tied yourself financially to a man who barely speaks to your child and forced your child to share his home with this man? Sorry to be so judgey but that is awful for your son. Poor boy.

I don’t think if all finances are separate that it’s that different to keep food separate? But equally I would want a partner that cared about me and my child and wanted to nourish and look after that and part of that would be feeding us (unless there is a back story where the food arrangement was agreed)

Ah just a sec he paid the majority of house deposit, and totally agree 50/50 on bills so ye go work some more then if you want more money, if he earns more then you go earn more pretty simple. Food thing is minor know a few who do it because of diet, preferences etc

Someone has to if the relationship ends. Makes more sense for it to be him as she has a child there.

What was your housing situation before you got together, OP?

Are you standards this low OP? 9 years to boot! I mean I am glad your on here asking for advice