Marriage ended this evening over WhatsApp

[BGP]

I don't think where to start. stbXDH literally ended my marriage via WhatsApp this evening.

I was already getting my ducks in a row. He's an abusive bastard, my DC hate him.

16 fucking years together and binned on WhatsApp. What an insult. I need my anger.

I am sad for me. Not because of him, but all the time and years I have wasted caring for a bloody man child who doesn't give a shit about me.

Main reasons in his message- I let DC bake when he was hungry.

I have not done much in last few weeks - valid reason being pneumonia.

What a fucking cockwomble. I will never marry anyone again, 2 abusive controlling cunts is too many.

Advice to everyone - don't marry a TWUNT.

BIG GIRL PANTS will be back on from now on.

BTW I'm an old timer here, new account. Even got myself a thread in Classics 😁

Sorry to hear this op, hope you got the ducks in a row or can get them there easily. Look after yourself

I'm joining you on this one. WhatsApp seems to be popular. 19 years. All he wants is 50/50 clean break. No consideration about kids home, exams etc. And he wanted to use free online template as official separation 😆

What the fuck is up with them? You wouldn't even dream of sacking an employee that way. Spineless.

Mine finished his rant with a request for mediation to save money and then demanded I turn the TV down.

Guess what dickhead.... your days of demanding anything are done.

I can't afford to pay rent to leave so I'm staying put for as long as I can bear.

He was arrested recently when I yelled for DC to call police. He won't dare try anything, he could lose a lot more than some money if he did. I plan on just ignoring him and getting on with life, but realistically I don't know how long that will be possible.

All my friends are his too. I can't talk to a soul apart from my boss and sister.

I need to see a solicitor, just after bloody xmas with all bills to pay and swimming in debt while StBXH sat on ££££.

Infuriating

No advice to you on marriage, as ive never been married, but i will agree with you on not wanting a man again.
I could not live with a man after 2 crap relationships never again.
There is good men out there but im happy with just me, my own space, my own way, doing what i like and looking after me.
Its been i think about 13 year and i love it.
Whats mine is mine i have earned it i have my own security, and i will not give that up for anyone.
The mental peace is blissful.

Edited to add i was left with £1500 debt that was not mine but in my name, by my last partner.
Not a lot to others but it was a bloody lot to me, plus the £800 water bill i thought he was paying.
I cleared it all but it took me some time.
I made a promise to myself i would remain single and take care of me.
I have had the odd ONS but thats all its been no strings attached.
Nail and bail hit and run whatever one wants to call it but never get attached or any emotional involvement ever again.
Op you have got this stay strong.

Are your DC his too?

You are married, how are you swimming in debt & he is sitting on £££?

if we both had our original user names we'd probably recognise each other. !!🤗

yes he got in there first to actually call it a day (in a stupid & cowardly way). But you were already getting your ducks in a row! Get them sorted ASSP & look forward to his day you and your DC are free of this TWAT!!

what's your housing situation??

My ex ended our engagement and eleven year relationship with a text message - when my dad had had a massive stroke and was paralysed and bedridden. Wouldn't even talk to me on the phone, absolute coward. That was 2009 and three years later I met someone else. Theres some real arseholes out there.

Live together, pretty much mortgage free.

I earn a decent salary £+50k but he much more plus VG comission. I am in debt trying to do bloody everything paying for 2 DC, one at uni and 1 he he brought up as his own from literally being a tiny babe in arms.

He also has significant savings while I live on credit trying to make ends meet(eg years of childcare at full whack he did not contribute to).

He stands to gain a significant inheritance on top of current assets. Little tory rich boy.

He has maintenance for his DC, who I've barely clapped an eye on for years now. Things were very different in the earlier years. He goes on holiday with them without me.

A couple of years ago I thought screw you and when he went to spain I took DC to Disney world on my card which I know was stupid but why should I have less? I will not be forced to live a lesser lifestyle because he thinks I should. BTW, my hol was better and cost the same as his, probably less as did on a budget

The MF went on holiday over my birthday without me last year. Let his teen get so pissed he was vomiting for hours.

Why oh why did I marry this man? Even on our wedding day I had to put his drunk ass to bed. Had a party without him in bridal suite.

OP - unpleasant as the way he ended it is - look at it as the first step to your new life.
You should get half of all the marital assets and start your new life debt free.
So - there is a silver lining in all of it.

Start plotting it tomorrow. Find a solicitor and start the divorce.

I'm getting a dog when I have a new home. Sod men, they are more often than not ten a penny selfish arseholes.

I do know a few lovely lovely men. My grandad was the kindest most loving family man I ever knew. These turds are, well.....turds!

Last one left me with a toddler and a load of debt. Never married but screwed.

This one, oh ho ho he has no idea what I have learned and what I can do alone- EVERYTHING!

I've just read although married I'm not on the deeds/mortgage. Need to register with land registry tomorrow.

Need legal advice, ironically one of my good friends works in family law but can't spill a word to anyone he knows. Can get free 30 mins legal advice but not enough I think as too complicated for blended family divorce. I have credit I can use but trying NOT to spend more, may have zero choice because I can't go to mediation without it, this fucker has been here before (# no 2 wife) and he thinks he's a charmer that'll eat me.

Forgot he married a lioness. I am BIG and also CLEVER. I will pre-empt him wherever I can. I am done with his abusive behaviour, its his turn for a spanking. My job is basically a high level problem solver. If I can't do that for my own life and kids then ..............

BUT I CAN.

@nightowl558

When my dad died DH raped me

And when i couldn't cope with PTSD re the deatb he was cruel.

Why I am still here, is my biggest question. Made so many excuses for this man.

I am so glad you had a better outcome after your ordeal.

@jsku i fully intend to get the advice I need.

I used a word recently when talking to Dsis. Eroded. That's how I feel. I feel like myself is vanishing.

I need Me back

Oh OP. I have been where you are. I am so sorry, especially about the rape.

It's over. This is a wonderful thing.

In the end it won't matter who ended it, or why or how. The important thing is that it's done, and today is the start of the rest of your life. A happy, fulfilling life without him in it.

OP I'm so sorry for what you've been through, but so glad you're finding your anger.
Mine ended our marriage - admittedly in person - but over a glass of wine when we had just booked a family holiday. Make it make sense. He'd been foul for months, and I was still grieving my mum, but thought a holiday might be the fix we needed.
I actually said to him, why have you just booked a holiday with me if you want to leave? He said 'I deserve a holiday.' (That does make sense, he'd have nobody else to go with.)
I felt such relief when he finally moved out 7 months later, I can't tell you the feeling of not having him walk back through the door like a bloody dementor. Friends & family have held me up.
He's making me suffer now via divorce proceedings, but this too shall pass.
Stay strong.

Op why can’t you consult your mutual lawyer friend? Your divorce won’t be a secret and you want the best advice. Do you not trust this friend to act in your interests even though he’d be professionally obligated?

I'm truly thankful for your message and trying hard not to cry.

This is not my fault. I know this. We were staying with friends at the time and everyone just wanted a quiet life and couldn't even remember what he had done. If. I ever mentioned anything he had done wrong after that or that incident i was told I am lying.

I have fist shaped bruises on pictures he doesn't know I have. I can't believe i let myself be this.

I am almost an expert in safeguarding (work) and domestic violence but oh my god this shit creeps up on you.

Ladies, never think you can change them. You can only control your own behaviour. Get out before you can't

@99bottlesofkombucha i am sorely tempted because I know i will get the best advice. And it will be for free no matter how much I argued. But this person is a close family friend and if that was me in my job I would have to refuse as a conflict of interest

Do you know what?

I felt so isolated and the fact people care means the world right now.

Thank you so much ❤

I have fist shaped bruises on pictures he doesn't know I have. I can't believe i let myself be this.

You can still make a police complaint and you can also contact Women's Aid. I recommend that you do, because he may still yet turn violent again.

We do care. What a shitty thing for him to do

But you will come out of this stronger and better off in the end

Hit him where it hurts, in his wallet

You can do this 💐💪

Why are you so upset? You wanted out of this toxic abusive marriage and well you should. He’s done you a favour, probably the only one!

Channel your energy into making plans for your future.

It's a very good question to ask why you're so upset?
He sounds absolutely vile, and you should be celebrating getting out of this relationship!
Having said that, I'm sure that it's daunting to have to work out the practicalities of splitting up. You're going to be so much happier and safer being single.
Good luck Op- you've got this!

You earn a good salary.
You can afford to leave

Dont let this be him threatening a break up, you being upset about that, you guys making up

Sending you support, love and strength from Vancouver, CAN.

💐🩷💪

So sorry. No advice to give, but just offering a handhold.