Marriage ended this evening over WhatsApp

[BGP]

I don't think where to start. stbXDH literally ended my marriage via WhatsApp this evening.

I was already getting my ducks in a row. He's an abusive bastard, my DC hate him.

16 fucking years together and binned on WhatsApp. What an insult. I need my anger.

I am sad for me. Not because of him, but all the time and years I have wasted caring for a bloody man child who doesn't give a shit about me.

Main reasons in his message- I let DC bake when he was hungry.

I have not done much in last few weeks - valid reason being pneumonia.

What a fucking cockwomble. I will never marry anyone again, 2 abusive controlling cunts is too many.

Advice to everyone - don't marry a TWUNT.

BIG GIRL PANTS will be back on from now on.

BTW I'm an old timer here, new account. Even got myself a thread in Classics 😁

Quoting this so it doesn’t get lost in the various comments. I would follow this advice and do so this week.

Three kids of 21, 19 and 17 at the time. Married for 22 years. I was 54 and he was 60. We lived together but rather than talk he announced that he was leaving me for a 36 year old over email. He wanted to “set out his position” in writing without interruption, debate or argument. How pathetic. I was shaken but accepted it. 8 months later, his girlfriend dumped him (she contacted me to apologise and said she had not realised AT ALL what a manchild he was and she now felt like his mother) and he begged me to call off our divorce. Happily divorced for almost two years now. Enjoying having a new bf but will never marry again or share living/finances. Most men of my generation (55+) do not carry their share of the mental or practical load - I should have left 15 years ago.

Legal Aid has been abolished for many things but not for cases of recorded domestic violence.

You say you called the police recently, what happened and was he charged?

I agree with the advice above about going to the police and Women's Aid about the historic physical violence. It should make a difference to the options available to you.

https://checklegalaid.service.gov.uk/children-families-relationships/problems-after-relationship-ends

I was already getting my ducks in a row. He's an abusive bastard, my DC hate him.

so this latest development is a cause for celebration not wasting precious energy on seething anger .

only problem is… he too will have been getting his “ducks in a row”

Your DC have been through one hell of a horrendous time.

I just want to underscore somethign @Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice said above. The wonderful sense of relief that can happen when you break away from a bad relationship. Whole new vistas of life can open up. A renewed sense of autonomy, dignity and possibility. Some years ago I escaped from a particularly unpleasant controllng relationship. I had got a bank loan to put down a deposit on a small (rented) flat. On getting myself and my possessions in there, I had an almost overwhelming sense of relief. I still remember the first shower I took in the tiny bathroom (no bath, just a shower cubicle) - it was like a baptism for entering a new life. I could do what I wanted from now on. Nobody to complain or have a tantrum if I went out; I could sleep when I wanted because no one would complain that I was neglecting him; from then on I could grow my hair as long as I wanted without him directing me towards the style he approved of; I could eat what i fancied when i wanted. Just being able to have control over myself and my time again - the sense of a burden being lifted was palpable.

Contact the lawyer friend. If they can't help due to conflict of interest, then they can at the very least give you the name of the best person they know who can help.

Get in before your STBX asks them the same question.

Stay strong OP! You sound awesome! Get a good solicitor!

I came here to say my DH’s exW did the same and ended their marriage (involving DC) over WhatsApp because she’d been having an affair. You’d be surprised how many cowards there are out there!

I see your H has done a lot worse, glad to hear you are getting out, stay safe x

Today is the start of a better life!

Was your husband also planning on leaving her anyway?

Stay strong, Op. You sound as though you know exactly what you need to do.

Sending you my best wishes OP

Keep your anger. He will change his mind and hoover you back if he can, I feel certain. I also had 2 in a row...I regret it SO much. Really bad for my children and I can never reclaim that part of their childhood for them. They make it difficult by shifting between reasonable and unreasonable but how I wish I had told them to F*&K OFF the first time they were an arsehole and never looked back :(((( do not cave OP. This is your chance.

You can ask them for a recommendation / referral though and acknowledge the conflict of interests
Good luck. You can do this.

I am so so sorry for what you’ve been through with this arsehole, but LISTEN TO YOU!

You are so ready to make the changes you need to. You found your anger and some purpose. From one stranger who just left her marriage to another - I am proud of you 🖤

You will not be entitled to legal aid OP unless your income is very low. However you do need to register your home rights as a matter of urgency no solicitor needed it’s just a form off to the land registry. I’d also get in touch with women’s aid or your local equivalent they are very helpful and just in case things escalate.

Also don’t let him bully you. I fought for a year to get a decent settlement it was very hard but worth it.

Mine was done over text message while I was out for the evening. I came home to find him soundly asleep. And then after waking him his actual words were "do you know how brave I was to send that message".

What a cock.

Sorry you are in such a difficult position OP. Much of what you say feels very familiar to my own experience. I hope that other posters are correct and things get better.

OP, if you report the abuse to Women's aid and the police, you may be eligible for legal aid.
I think you should.
Particularly as the police have come to the house previously and you have proof.
Talk to Women's aid, get good advice.
Take him for everything you can.
We are here for you.

He's worthless filth.

Why would she risk this when there are millions of other legal entities out there with zero connection to her ex?

OP, I have spent about 20k on 'advice' over my ridiculously long divorce/court case. Save yourself the money and use chat gpt instead. Say what your exact circumstances are and which country youre in and it will tell you exactly what to do. It's a life saver. (You can check any finer points.)

Lots of good advice here. Just adding my support, OP. Men like this can be even worse if you're the one initiating the split, so at least he's helped you out, there. I agree with other PP, you are on a journey to feeling wonderful once it's all over, I'm another who has experienced this. I imagine that your kids will be delighted, too.

You can do this and you will look back and be so proud of what you've achieved. We're all supporting you and willing you on.
My children hated their Dad too that was the push I needed. Good luck sending you a big hug xxx

As others have suggested I would go to the police with your photos.

Don't let him get away with inflicting those bruises on you.x