Friend in constant competition with me

[CoffeePleaseBlack]

I hope someone can give me some idea or tell me its all in my head.

Sorry for the long post but I really need some advice. I am unsure whether this is normal or I am correct in wanting to distance myself.

I have been very close friends with a girl I have known now for 11 years. We are otherwise very close as are our daughters.

She has always been like this but I have noticed something has sort of ‘tipped’ her over the edge currently.

Me and DH have finally sold our house after being on the market for 8 months. We have found our dream home and it is beautiful.

My friend (I will call her Emma), this has for some reason tipped her over the edge... We have been in our current first home (a 2 bed terraced, small but ideal home) for the past 10 years. Along with Emma who has the exact same house type, different area. She has also been at her home for 10 years, same as us.

Long story short, she had absolutely no intention to move (I asked her before we put our house on the market if she was thinking of moving) she said they were happy where they were as they only had one child.

As soon as I have announced we have finally sold our home and had found somewhere else, the same day she announces to me she has got her ‘decision in principal’ and sends me the screen shot…!

I feel like she cannot allow me to have my happiness or ‘our moment’. There is always a reminder that she can ‘also do better’ as much as me??
As soon as we bought our current home where we have just sold, they booked an appointment with a mortgage advisor that day.

As soon as I told her I was pregnant and softly broke the news, she didn’t speak to me for half a week and explained that ‘she was happy for me’ but I had to understand that she was ‘sad for herself’ as she was not in our position.
I don’t know if this is normal behaviour or all in my head?

We have struggled to sell our home and also finally be able to afford to move. But because DH has what we think is at least a decent salary, and I work part time because of my daughter, she cant understand (in her words) how we have ‘managed to move’…

She has said things in the past about her ‘other friends’ which is very concerning. For example, she said she hopped that her other friend does not get pregnant before her, as she is having issues with fertility… she makes very competitive comments about her friends houses also. She is very unhappy with her own house and unable to move right now, along with I think personal struggles which she is not always open with me about.

Everytime her friends have good news it is a struggle for her, it feels like.
When we were struggling to sell our home, she kept asking me lots of questions about it and almost seemed to take some pleasure in our difficulties. But now that we’ve actually sold it and are excited to move into the home we’ve had our hearts set on, she seems to be having a hard time accepting the news and now I am being given the silent treatment.

She has had close friends in the past stop talking to her/ ghost her and she is unsure why, they will give her no explanation, just keep their distance and I would always pacify her to make her feel better but now I am starting to see why this may be the case. She also has a sister who does not speak to her anymore and in-laws she does not get along with.

Is this in my head or a normal friendship thing? I don’t have a lot of ‘close friends’ to compare her behaviour to but I must say I haven’t had this sort of behaviour noticed in other friends.

Thanks for anyone who can help

I believe the “competitive friend” is more common than we think. It’s absolutely exhausting, almost to the point where they drain any happiness out of you.
Unfortunately you may have to fade the friendship out.

I had to take a step back from a friend like this, it's upsetting and draining.

She did eventually recognise that she was insecure and apologised, but it took a few years.

Wow, reading this post makes me think of my SIL immediately. Unfortunately I’m stuck with SIL, but she’s just a friend. I would slowly start creating distance because these people really make you miserable, I’m sorry to say.

She’s a classic frienemy. She’ll never celebrate your successes and she’ll silently revel in your disappointments. I’ve had many over the years … the only solution IMO is to move on. They’re not wired for kindness,
support and encouragement…they’re not friends.

This. ‘Friend’ is massively insecure and you’ll have very little tolerance for that when you’re busier with second child.

Let her go.

Actually I also think you’re being mean and it comes across like you also compete with her. She’s struggling with infertility, many women struggle to be round pregnant friends when in this situation, and you already knew she is really unhappy with her home. But you’re taking issue with her as she’s not happy for you,

this seems to me like two women who compete with each other, not one woman who competes and the other all innocent.

Thanks all

Update, we are due to move in 2 weeks time. I’ve reached out to friend a few times to arrange to meet. No response, also no birthday card from her (first time in 13 years) absolutely gutted and trying to work out what I’ve done to friend. Im
wondering whether to ask her out right but when I have text her I get one word responses. Im probably at one of the most vulnerable times of my life (other things going on) and she simply isn’t there for me. Do I walk away completely?

But OP, from everything you say, she has form for this, for unpleasant expressions of jealousy about minor good fortunes in friends’ lives. You’ve seen her do this with other people, you say. It’s your turn.

You’re right. I’m just saddened this has happened to us after what I thought was a good long friendship.. with no explanation… it’s the stone walling im
struggling with when im trying to reach out. I feel I’m being punished

You are being punished, because this is what she does and who she is. It’s a Her thing, not a You thing.

It is unfortunate about the timing, sorry to hear you are having a hard time.

You ask in post prior to this one if you should walk away? It sounds like the ‘friend’ has already, and they don’t really sound like much of a ‘friend’, so I think it’s about your self respect now.

Sure, you could try calling her out on it, do you think that will achieve what you want?

Personally, I suggest to focusing your energy on getting the support/what you need from healthier sources, call the Samaritan’s or another support/listening line if need be. I don’t think it’s well channelled on this non-friend.

Good luck with the move!

My sister is like this too. She’s no friend.

She’s jealous and competitive. So accept those traits if you love her like a sister and let her crack on. It doesn’t detract from your own decisions.

Shes jealous when other ppl have the things she wants. Its obvious. I think to do with her personality type or just behavior either way I don't think she will change. Don't dwell on it, let her be. Focus on your own happiness 😊

❤️

Very hurt for the silence with no explanation