Friend in constant competition with me

[CoffeePleaseBlack]

I hope someone can give me some idea or tell me its all in my head.

Sorry for the long post but I really need some advice. I am unsure whether this is normal or I am correct in wanting to distance myself.

I have been very close friends with a girl I have known now for 11 years. We are otherwise very close as are our daughters.

She has always been like this but I have noticed something has sort of ‘tipped’ her over the edge currently.

Me and DH have finally sold our house after being on the market for 8 months. We have found our dream home and it is beautiful.

My friend (I will call her Emma), this has for some reason tipped her over the edge... We have been in our current first home (a 2 bed terraced, small but ideal home) for the past 10 years. Along with Emma who has the exact same house type, different area. She has also been at her home for 10 years, same as us.

Long story short, she had absolutely no intention to move (I asked her before we put our house on the market if she was thinking of moving) she said they were happy where they were as they only had one child.

As soon as I have announced we have finally sold our home and had found somewhere else, the same day she announces to me she has got her ‘decision in principal’ and sends me the screen shot…!

I feel like she cannot allow me to have my happiness or ‘our moment’. There is always a reminder that she can ‘also do better’ as much as me??
As soon as we bought our current home where we have just sold, they booked an appointment with a mortgage advisor that day.

As soon as I told her I was pregnant and softly broke the news, she didn’t speak to me for half a week and explained that ‘she was happy for me’ but I had to understand that she was ‘sad for herself’ as she was not in our position.
I don’t know if this is normal behaviour or all in my head?

We have struggled to sell our home and also finally be able to afford to move. But because DH has what we think is at least a decent salary, and I work part time because of my daughter, she cant understand (in her words) how we have ‘managed to move’…

She has said things in the past about her ‘other friends’ which is very concerning. For example, she said she hopped that her other friend does not get pregnant before her, as she is having issues with fertility… she makes very competitive comments about her friends houses also. She is very unhappy with her own house and unable to move right now, along with I think personal struggles which she is not always open with me about.

Everytime her friends have good news it is a struggle for her, it feels like.
When we were struggling to sell our home, she kept asking me lots of questions about it and almost seemed to take some pleasure in our difficulties. But now that we’ve actually sold it and are excited to move into the home we’ve had our hearts set on, she seems to be having a hard time accepting the news and now I am being given the silent treatment.

She has had close friends in the past stop talking to her/ ghost her and she is unsure why, they will give her no explanation, just keep their distance and I would always pacify her to make her feel better but now I am starting to see why this may be the case. She also has a sister who does not speak to her anymore and in-laws she does not get along with.

Is this in my head or a normal friendship thing? I don’t have a lot of ‘close friends’ to compare her behaviour to but I must say I haven’t had this sort of behaviour noticed in other friends.

Thanks for anyone who can help

I have a “friend” like this too.

She has to outdo or copy everything I do. She also was the same with me when I had my second baby and she had decided she was one and done. She excluded me from things because I had 2 and would only spend time with others who had only children.

If I was insecure about something she would rub that in my face, and would try and hide a smile when things went wrong for me.

If I was doing something positive she had do everything bigger and better to a ridiculous level or copy everything. An example being we had decorated our living room. I don’t stick to plain colours or what’s in fashion. I like what I like. She came in after we had done it, screwed her face up in disgust and didn’t say a word about it. About 4 to 8 weeks later she sent me a text saying she had decorated her living room and had chosen something a bit different, then sent me a photo. I’m sure you’ve guessed she had copied my colour scheme completely, but acted like it was all her idea.

If it was something good that she couldn’t compete with it would be met with a barrage of criticism and digs. Even meals we made for her were criticised and events sabotaged in subtle ways because she couldn’t do the same thing.

It sounds petty when you tell others, but I think you have to experience this type of person to understand.

Ive come to realise she was a “frenemy” and have distanced myself a lot and don’t meet up with her at all now. I can’t be bothered with the drama of going NC with her so I just respond to her texts without giving much away and am permanently busy and don’t meet up.

I suggest you focus on your new home and child and try not to give her too much head space. People like her are drains and she will drain your joy if you let her.

I also had a friend like this. It got too much in the end between "she has it hardest", "she's amazing at x" etc. It came to a head during the pandemic when she was unsupportive after me doing a number of rounds of fertility drugs and IVF over a number of years, then she told me to be "more patient". I think she thought she had fertility issues when it took her 6 months to conceive her 2nd child 🤣 and then l "topped" her which annoyed her! In reality fertility issues is a club most people don't want to be in.

We are no longer friends. In hindsight she felt very inadequate and lacking in confidence so conducted herself in this way. If you still want Emma on your life, then l would be taking a big step back from her and dramatically cut down what you tell

I would not tell her too much of my business going forward. Obviously you had to tell her about house and baby. I would not be inviting her up the new house and meet in a neutral setting.

Forget her then
I do not see the issue

My plans exactly now. She will base what they ‘go for’ depending on what we have.

Unfortunately it’s not always that easy when you’ve been friends with someone a long time

We had a friend similar and maybe worse… and she got much worse over the years… would seek out and date our ex boyfriends then let us onow about it… how she,s just bumped into “jonny” in a bar etc, bizarre, then saying her son had illnesses (imaginary) then her son had cancer… a lie…. After the village fundraised and found out she had to sell up and leave the area… this is how out of control these folks can get…. Keep her at arms length..♥️

I would drop her- you are not 8 and in the playground-life is too short for this sort of nonsense.

I know someone like that. When I lost several stones in weight she didn’t speak to me for months. As soon as I put on some weight, she was back to talking to me!
She is very competitive with materialistic things, holidays, houses and got jealous of anyone pregnant too (she had no fertility issues and had 3 kids). She always had to be the hostess with the mostest!

This …I felt like what you were saying OP was wanting the limelight.

It’s possible your friend had to work on her sorrows when you announced your pregnancy …that’s not uncommon either

No big crimes here just two similar people vying for priority and attention

Only read OP so far BUT it’s screaming out:

No contact with her Dad
Sister doesn’t speak to her
Inlaws don’t like her
Previous friends have dropped her

Im sure she’s perfectly fine, nice and stable 😆

She has ISHOOOOOS girl and you’re next!

Absolutely not in your head as I have the same issues with my husband’s cousin and his wife! They’ve always tried to copy us and it’s not because we’re being big headed or anything, other people notice and mention it to us so we know we aren’t going mad! It can be little things or big things! We buy a house, they move house. We move house again, they mention they’d seen one for double the price of their current house, clearly couldn’t afford and utter madness as nothing wrong with their current home, just can’t bare us doing something they aren’t. Our little boys are months apart in age (funnily enough they started trying after we announced our pregnancy!) and it’s even got to the point my little boy can’t now live his own life, anything he does (school, football etc) they want their kid to do the same! It’s bloody infuriating.

That’s exactly same as us

I do understand what your saying

Jesus Christ!!

Perfect timing to let the friendship fade away. You do not always have to be friends with someone. Some friendships have a 'sell by ' date.

She sounds really unhappy. Misery loves company, it’s honestly so true. When people around you aren’t happy then you feel less of a failure. You aren’t imagining it, and there’s not an awful lot you can do unfortunately.

It’s a shame for her but I wouldn’t want a friendship that could only be sustained by my own misfortune.

Hi op it’s not you some people just don’t like there friends moving on to better things especially if they can’t. Yes the baby news might have upset her but a good friend would still congratulate you and say lucky you wish it was me but not blank you when you move why don’t you see how the friendship goes things do change after all.

She's not your friend.

Eh, are you forgetting that it’s the OP, not her friend, saying that her friend saying she’s got mortgage approval the day the OP buys a new house is ‘not allowing us to have our moment’? The OP is so resentful of her friend because she recognises her own competitiveness in her.

I’d give the friendship a hit of space for a while. I have a pal who can be overfamiliar and I kits back off for a bit to get her back in her box.

She sounds absolutely fucking exhausting. And if that comment of not being on the same page because you are pregnant, just what. Out her for what she is and slam that door firmly shut. With 'friends like that, who needs enemies! Enjoy your new home

She sounds absolutely fucking exhausting. And if that comment of not being on the same page because you are pregnant, just what. Out her for what she is and slam that door firmly shut. With 'friends like that, who needs enemies! Enjoy your new home

Eh I commented on op post and it’s her friend who’s got the problem a good friend would never begrudge you happy news. Why shouldn’t she have her moment.