Thread 2: Court and general updates follow ex partner breaching court order

[DontGoChasinWaterfalls]

Thread 2 :)

I’m seconding this.

Absolutely this. Your resilience and considered approach to all this, with your daughter's best interests at heart, has been and continues to be amazing. Sending much love to you and mini you 💕

Im glad that you have a better order in place now, but it does feel like he has got away with what he did.

I will hope that things settle for you and your daughter, what an amazing advocate you are for her.

You really have done the best for your DD in the circumstances.

Dear @DontGoChasinWaterfalls - just want to also add how amazing I think you are.
You're an incredible advocate for your DD and you will also make a brilliant magistrate ❤️

im a single mum and have a few friends who had exes involved. (I was completely lone parent). Now that our respective kids have all grown up, not ONE is bothered, loves or really visits their fathers. They can see what losers they were even tho, in every instance my friends were careful not to rubbish their exes.
Your DD will know and he will reap what he sows in the end Xxx

Hi everyone, hope you are well. Thought I'd share an update about things. We have slowly tried to settle back into the 7/7 routine. I received a message from him now trying to claim a 2 week holiday period in the summer holidays. On the face of it, that is a reasonable request and our court order gives us both permission to take a 2 week consecutive period for a holiday abroad with DD. However, with him it's never simple. Essentially, he wants to start his 2 week holiday in the middle of DD's week with me in the summer holidays then the second portion of his holiday goes into our next scheduled summer holiday week. Additionally, she returns to me for 3 days after his holiday then goes back to him for a 7 day period. So in a 3 week period she would see me for exactly 36 hours. It screams of deliberate.
I have sent him a calm message back saying I do not agree to those dates, I have also booked a trip for DD during the end of August to first two days of September which was booked and paid for last year. I said I would be very happy to discuss alternative dates and agree to a full 14 days where the first week is his scheduled contact week and the second week is the week DD would have spent with me, I have no issue with that, but he wants to displace the second half of the summer holiday period so DD only sees me for 3 days. I do not anticipate he will agree or reasonable so yet again I anticipate litigation for a Court to agree. It's just so exhausting.

Well done you - I think you need to keep strict boundaries with limited discussions

don’t budge an inch!

well done you

I said I would be very happy to discuss alternative dates and agree to a full 14 days where the first week is his scheduled contact week and the second week is the week DD would have spent with me, I have no issue with that, but he wants to displace the second half of the summer holiday period so DD only sees me for 3 days.

@DontGoChasinWaterfalls I'm sorry he is playing games again - but in the scenario you quote here, it will be 3 full weeks before you see her. I don't quite understand the effective difference? But yes, good for you saying no to the split weeks if they don't suit you

Oh @DontGoChasinWaterfalls, it never ends, does it? But once again you're handling it with dignity and grace. Just keep on keepin' on. It's all you can do. It will end someday, not as soon as you'd like it too, but it will end.

@Silvers11 Because he’s bookending the holiday with his weeks. So, upon return, it’s 36hrs between DD return, and then scheduled time with her father which will be 1 week (in addition to the 2 for the holiday). So across a 3.5 week period, OP gets the 36 hours after holiday and no doubt the bag full of dirty washing to spend with DD, before she’s returned to her father.

So what I meant to say the first week is actually the week with me then goes into his week then back with me for reinstatement of the 7/7 so it's a full two weeks he gets starting on what would've been DDs week with me.

But the way she is proposing it, it will be a full 3 weeks before she sees her daughter at ALL. Ist week he has contact. Second week should have been OPs - then it reverts to HIS week again. So 3 weeks altogether? Not much difference, except the dates don't work for OP, which she is right to turn down

I don't think that's what she's proposing - so he would have his first week as usual, then an additional second week, then presumably OP would get 2 weeks in a row?

OP replied to me before I replied to the other poster, but I didn't see it - neither have you, I guess. She has confirmed what she actually meant.

Is he allowed to message you like this? Did the non mol not include that?
My colleague has it that her ex can only contact her via a third party. Or parenting app - IF she agreed to that. To save money going via a solicitor or hassle of a family member.

So that any messages like he’s sending you now, can be seen if needed and he can’t delete them etc

Ex-H and I book holidays within our weeks.
If he is planning a holiday that cuts into my scheduled time with the kids, then he has to offer me the equal amount of time he is taking from his allocated time. And I do the same back. We have to agree to what's being offered or propose a different schedule that works for each person.
If no proposals work, extremely rarely, then each person has to stick to their own scheduled time.

In essence, we swap weeks.

So in your scenario, when DD is back from holidays with "him", she starts a two week period with you, which means "he" does not get his contact week because he has already had it during your scheduled time.
I hope I am making sense.

Why isn't that the case here? He can't just book holidays in your scheduled time and then you lose out.

I am really sorry to write "he" "him" but I really thoroughly dislike him and would rather call him nothing.

Sending you 💐.
'This too shall pass'

Yes but if his holiday starts at the beginning of the week DD is supposed to be with me then goes into his week then she'll be back with me as normal. That means he gets his 2 weeks. There's no clause in our order that contact time needs to be made up if we take a.2 week holiday

Op sound alike you are being very generous

I would say no if I didnt get the time back

I appreciate you might want to keep tho ha conflict free

Ahhhh.... that's not great.
Then say no, if it doesn't work for you.
If you have to go back to court, maybe something to raise with the judge.

Doesn't that still make 3 weeks?

1. His week
2. First week of holiday (would have been yours)
3. Second week of holiday (would have been his)

Your week

if you each get two weeks you could potentially have them back to back to even things out, though to me that would be for the parents' benefit rather than DD, who may wis to decompress between holidays - assuming both two week periods would be going away

I thought about that but don't want it to be disruptive for her, she would love two weeks with me but like you say it'd be for my benefit x

I wouldn’t agree to anything. He’ll just constantly ask for more. Like a test. I mean this whole thing only started a few weeks ago and he’s already asking..

And I’d probably get an app he has to use so any communication can be through that and he can’t use it to trip you up in the future.

Be very, very careful that you don’t inadvertently give him more than 50% of the days in any six month period through tying to be accommodating. He will weaponise that for child benefit, CMS and courts. So if he is wanting an extra week in the summer you should ask for one too. So it would end up being one week you, two him, two you, one him (or whatever). That wouldn’t be disruptive for DD.

He can't because there's a lives with order and its with me. He's tried all of that.